Are women....

[recycled sixtie]

Well I do appreciate all your input. I did receive the request for coffee over the internet. I think that it is easier for somebody to be more forward over the internet. I did not respond to the request and thought that I would run it by my wife.She said that was okay as long as she came along. My thought was why bother then at all. Just had our 25th year of marriage. Probably our being honest with each other helps the marriage.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

more foreward than they used to be...

2. How do you handle an email like this?

Even if I was married I would meet her for coffee for no other reason than to find out what it's all about. I can't help myself with stuff like this.
If she's looking for sex or an affair? Be polite and walk away.
Do you trust yourself to do that? If not don't meet her. Your marriage is worth more than an affair.

Think about this... Assuming she wants sex. She knows you're married and yet she sent you that email. Do you really want anything to do with someone who would do something like that?

Edit: just saw your post above. I can understand your wife's feelings. Well done to both of you.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

Well I do appreciate all your input....

There are only two people responding on this thread who are even REMOTELY capable of answering a question about women . Take your wife along and enjoy the coffee!!!

[1990C4S]

I would cover all bases.

Tell your wife

Go for a coffee

Make sure there's a table clothe in case fondling is on the menu.

If she fondles you, then yes, she is more forward. If she doesn't then it's just business.

[1990C4S]

Just noticed you're from Edmonton. My guess is she wants to talk about the hockey lockout. Or oil. Or the snow you had last weekend.

Your marriage is safe.

[Targa Me]

Going out for coffee is no big deal. But if she ask you out for "drinks"; that would be another story.

[cstreit]

While I agree with others that it's a little paranoid to assume that the invitation is untoward, doesn't it strike anyone as a little odd that she didn't give a reason for the coffee meet?

When you haven't seen someone in quite a while would you:

a) Say HEY, lets go out for coffee?
b) Say HEY, can I buy you a cup of coffee and talk about some job propsects/spreadsheets, etc...

So because of that, I have to conclude that the aforementioned manipulation of said body parts might be a distinct possiblity because if it was a professional situation social convention says that you should give a reason or objective for the meeting rather than just "Lets go". I'd invite along a co-worker. If it's professional it won't be a big deal, if it's "other" than you will have sent the message "Not interested".

[jyl]

Maybe she wants to fluoridate your water.

"Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream!...You know when fluoridation began?...1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love...Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence."

[cstreit]

Originally Posted by Laneco

Good heavens!

The business that I work in is probably 90% men. If I'm asking you to coffee, it's business or we're buddies. I'm not to put it bluntly "trying to fondle your genitals."

If you don't feel OK with it, then don't go. If you're just unsure, bring a work buddy

angela

Understand your point, but when inviting out someone for non-social reasons, would you just say "lets go out" or give an objective or reason for doing so?

[fastfredracing]

If I were faced with a situation like yours, I would run down to my local Starbucks, get a grande to go, fondle my own genitals on the way home, and then exchange a few e mails with her to see what she wants. No one gets hurt, and all objectives are met.

[Gogar]

1. I can't believe that you would willingly plant that seed in your wife's head, without even knowing the actual intent of your (former coworker.)

2. I can't imagine what your (former coworker) would think if she just wanted to say hi over coffee or ask you some kind of business questions, and you replied with "Sure, as long as I can bring my wife." What a weirdo.

[Zeke]

Hey gogar, do you want to go get some coffee?

[kinein]

Well i would just ask what she has been upto and see the reason for the meeting.


If it was a guy asking you for coffee what would you do? Would you wife still go? It seems she is threaten by the meetng with a past female co-worker, and not just a co-worker instead.

Is there a past of her flirting with you or of her showing interest were you seem taken back by the request?

[Laneco]

Originally Posted by cstreit

Understand your point, but when inviting out someone for non-social reasons, would you just say "lets go out" or give an objective or reason for doing so?

No.

I would stand up in the middle of the office and say, "hey, you want to go grab a cup of coffee?" Or an email, "want to grab a cup of coffee? See you at the door in 15!"

And that's it. Gender is not a factor in the decision. It's just coffee.

But again - no matter what, if you have a weird vibe, then just don't go.

edit: my husband says that I have a strong leadership position, and that this probably colors my opinion on this - that there are women who would use something like "meeting for coffee" as a sexual ploy...

angela

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by Gogar

1. I can't believe that you would willingly plant that seed in your wife's head, without even knowing the actual intent of your (former coworker.)

2. I can't imagine what your (former coworker) would think if she just wanted to say hi over coffee or ask you some kind of business questions, and you replied with "Sure, as long as I can bring my wife." What a weirdo.

Okay but I am still married after 25 years! What is weird about that.

[Brando]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Hey gogar, do you want to go get some coffee?

Careful, he's trying to get into your pants.

recycled sixtie: No way to tell 100% until you're sitting in front of them. Most of the times I have met up with "old coworkers" it was for business, not pleasure. Well, okay. 2/3 it was for business. The last ex-coworker that wanted to meet up actually ended up getting hired and I got the sign-on bonus. Bi-winning. We're better friends today because of it.

So no, an invite for coffee is not always code for "let's bang".

[Baz]

My usual reply when asked to a meeting is to ask: "Could you please let me know what the agenda is so I can come prepared?"

That weeds out the meetings that can be handled via email - and those that can't.

I hate meetings - unless they are absolutely necessary.....

[speeder]

WTF do people go out for coffee? I don't get that. I go to a coffee shop every morning but I just want to read the papers online and be left alone. I'm in agreement with the whole "go out for coffee" sequence in "Good Will Hunting" where Matt Damon's character assails the absurdity of a "coffee date".

I notice couples having them at coffee shops all the time, sometimes it's obvious that it's a first meeting from internet dating. They have to ask, "Are you Joe/Mary?"

If someone is interesting enough to meet with in a potential dating situation, then lunch or dinner is appropriate. If they are not interested enough to eat food across from me, there is no reason to interact further. Call me old-fashioned. Coffee dates are lame.

[genrex]

Unfortunately, many people on the internet dating sites misrepresent themselves via e-mail and via telephone, and that quickly becomes apparent when meeting in person. There are some truly incredible liars out there. So while I agree with you that the *romantic* thing to do is meet for lunch or dinner, most of the time the best thing to do is meet at a coffee shop first, and go from there.

_

[speeder]

I don't think that meeting someone for dinner is necessarily romantic, it depends on the company. I just think that you might as well meet on a park bench as at Starbucks.