The Aging Parents Thread
 

I guess since most of us are getting older (not the lady Pelicans of course), logic suggests that our parents are as well.

In some cases said parents have ceased aging. Hopefully on their own and peacefully, and not in the manner that Humpty Dumpty proposed to Alice:

'In that case we start afresh,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'and it's my turn to choose a subject —' ('He talks about it just as if it was a game!' thought Alice.) 'So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?'

Alice made a short calculation, and said 'Seven years and six months.'

'Wrong!' Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. 'You never said a word like it!'

'I thought you meant "How old are you?"' Alice explained.

'If I'd meant that, I'd have said it,' said Humpty Dumpty.

Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing.

'Seven years and six months!' Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. 'An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked my advice, I'd have said "Leave off at seven" — but it's too late now.'

'I never ask advice about growing,' Alice said indignantly.

'Too proud?' the other enquired.

Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. 'I mean,' she said, 'that one ca'n't help growing older.'

'One can't, perhaps,' said Humpty Dumpty; 'but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.'

But in other cases, our parents are still aging, and reaching the age where we have - umm - stories to tell about it.

Stories? How about rants. Maybe they are funny, maybe they are exasperating, instructive, or tragic.

Care to share?

I never got to enjoy the privilege of looking after aging parents. Taking them out to lunch etc.

I am now an orphan.

On a regular basis I wish I chat with either of them and ask a question.

Same here.

My mom died early and my father opted into a managed care facility (very nice) because he wanted it that way...I frankly could not have imagined better care for him at the end.

I was there the whole way. The blessing we all had is both my parents were sentient the entire time. That is so important.

My dad died on this day 5 years ago. My mom is still alive and local.

My dad suffered a heart attack in the mid 90's that darn near killed him. He did , however, make a full recovery and 20 years later , is doing quite well.
My parents were sort of recovering from near bankruptcy when it happened, and unfortunately , they lost it all. I was just starting my biz, and could barely afford to keep my lights on at the time, and was in no position to help them out, and they were living in my grandmothers basement for a few years.
In 2002 , I bought my commercial building along with a run down house on the property. I did a decent rehab of the place, and moved them in. It has been really nice. My dad hangs out at the shop every day, and I get to spend quality time with him daily, mom makes me lunch every day, and there is never a day goes by where I don't talk with them both.
I feel very fortunate to get this time with them. Before they moved in, I would only talk with them sporadically , maybe every other week or so.
I plan on taking care of them as long as I possibly can.

It is getting late so I may have to finish this later...

Mom just made 90... dad past away last year...

Already posted this apologies for the repeat.
Mom grew up on a farm in Kansas, dad grew up in a reform school outside Boston (grand dad died and grand mom worked at the reform school)
Dad flew a P-47 and literally missed going to WWII by days.
We had caregivers at home... then hospice... then he was sent off to nice nursing home "for a week".
I was going to visit him after work on Saturday, then mom called and asked if we could go together after church.
We got there and he looked pretty bad, laying on his back motionless, staring at the ceiling with his mouth hanging open.
Mom sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his arm talking softly to him.
Then got up and said "he doesn't know we are here, lets go."
As she walked away dad's hand went up.
I stopped mom "no, look, he knows we are here."
We chatted a bit but all he could do is give hand signals.
Just like he was signaling to the ground crew from his P-47.
I kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him... we gave me a thumbs up never taking his eyes off the ceiling.
He past away that night.

That's nice, Fred. Having them so close by is fantastic.

My father died in '68 but Mom is still with us. I tried to get my Mom to get a place on my block but she likes her home and neighborhood - which is a 10 minute drive away, so I am thankful she is that close by at least.

She will be 92 this month, lives on her own, still drives, etc....amazing.....
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.n...b8d89f798403af

Mom is 61 and looks 20 years younger.

I do worry about her getting older, but she lives life well. This is her flamenco dancing in Pamplona last year (blue dress).

Miss my dad every day.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1423183133.jpg

My Dad passed 8 years ago - feels like yesterday - still hard for me to talk about. Mom is still around and in good health. She'll be 81 this year and she still drives, shops, goes to the gym and occasionally looks after my sister's young boys. Always a pleasure talking to her. Don't get me wrong she still drives me nuts sometimes but at 81 she is not going to change.

I bought her a new car a few years back. When my Dad was around he always had her cruising around in some cripple that might break down at any moment. I decided she paid her dues and deserved a nice new rig. The salesman at the dealership was very patient with her. He spent about 2 hours with her going over all the buttons, lights, info messages, NAV/radio functions, etc. The next day she came back with a a few questions. Wanted clarity on a few buttons. Overnight, she had put a post-it note on each button in the car with the name/function on it. Many of the post-its had the same word on them that they covered. GAS button was covered with a post-it that said, you guessed it, GAS. The dashboard was a sea of yellow. The salesman tried to act normal, as if everybody did that. Still cracks me up when I see a couple notes still clinging to their perch. I asked her if she was happy with it and she replied that it was a lot to learn. Maybe she would be happier with her old Dodge Neon back. She quickly decided she was pretty happy.

I watch Jeopardy with her on occasion and she always cleans up! Pop culture and contemporary music are a mystery to her but she has a breadth of knowledge that never ceases to amaze. Retired English teacher/therapist. I think she has another 5 or 6 self reliant years ahead of her before she needs help. We talk everyday and try to have lunch once a week. Gotta keep Mom happy.

Baz - your Mom is an inspiration.

My mom and dad live about 700 meters from my house. Dad is 86 and is starting to look pretty frail and is moving much slower. It is hard sometime to know if it is his hearing problems or if he is kind of out of it but communication can be difficult. For an old rig weldor, he has outlived most of his peers. Mom is two years younger and very with it. She too has shown signs of slowing down physically, but is a very sharp old gal.

On Monday night I was a little annoyed that their flight was delayed 3 hours and I was up at the airport at midnight to pick them up. Then I remembered how lucky I am to have the privilege to be able to do that simple thing for them and how I probably won't be so privileged for very much longer.

I have a question for the brain trust.
1. How did or how do you arrange for inhome care for your parents with out insulting them?
2. How did you or how do you bring up the topic with your siblings to pay for inhome care?

Thanks Jorian - that story about your Mom and the post-it notes is hilarious! Please tell her I said hello!

Billy: Not sure if this will help but a few years ago I was wondering how things were going to play out as my Mom reached her twilight years. One day when I felt the timing was right I just came out and asked her what she had in mind for her well being when the time came she could no longer drive or take care of herself at full capacity. She answered that she had thought about this long and hard and had decided she didn't want to go into a home but rather wanted caregivers to come to her home and do what was needed.

I am still in the dark about how everything is going to play out. There have been some threads about this here. I'm going to try and get a plan together this year so I am more prepared. It's scary but also very important to have a plan.

Good luck with your folks! What you said about being privileged is spot on brother!

Today is my mom's 86th birthday. She still lives on her own, but it's getting harder for her. Still mentally very sharp. I hope I got her good genes. I'll be stopping by to see her tomorrow evening when I get back in town from business travel. She is very stubborn in good way. Every time we sit down and talk she comes up with another family tidbit from the past I never knew. I don't see her willingly leaving her own home.

My dad passed away 29 years ago. He fell though the ice while ice fishing, 6 weeks after retiring early. No one else around to attempt a rescue. The take away for me was to live your life to the fullest, because tomorrow has no guarantee.

My dad and I did not part on good terms, much unresolved conflict.

I now make a point that every time I see my mom I tie up any loose ends, tell her I love her and do everything I can to make her happy....even when she has been a pain on both ends of the spinal cord.

She is 87, lives on her own, is fully cogent and mobile. A blessing in so many ways..

My mom and dad are both healthy, active, and live in their own home (where I grew up) about 20 minutes from us. Dad turned 90 in October, and mom turned 86 in November. They both still drive and are totally self sufficient.

Dad still does yard work, works on his car collection (he's responsible for my automotive problem), and plays clarinet in a local orchestra. Mom plays her piano, and is an avid reader and gardener. I go over to help them out on things when they need it, but mainly they're on their own.

I'm lucky to have had such great parents, and I'm dreading when things start to head south for them, but since I'm an only child, I'm it.

Baz, I bet your Mom would like to slap Pete Carrol upside the head.

My Dad is 86 and still goes into the VW dealership almost every day. Been selling them for 60 years now.:eek:

I feel cheated. My dad had cut back to only five liters of wine a day and died at 59.

My Mom was a real darling. I think having been married to my dad hadn't been too good for her so she died at 68.

Me; I'm an orphan up for adoption. I'm only 56 no bad habits to speak of :rolleyes: , would prefer to live on the coast. Would like my new dad to have a '72/'73 911 in perfect condition, a person with a warm heart and a big wallet.

Mom is 78 and almost completely deaf. Stepdad is 76 and not quite as deaf but getting there. Mom still goes to the gym even after one knee surgery and waiting to get the other fixed. She runs circles around my stepdad. He goes for walks up and down our Main Street then heads to the grocery for a big candy bar and a Starbucks. She knows about his bad habit but she lets him have his fun as he's earned it after having been a tough, hardworking longshoreman for 52 years.

One time they got into a heated discussion out in public. Funniest thing ever because they couldn't really hear what the other was yelling. They were not discussing the same topic at all.

My folks are the same age as most of you guys :eek: but the last year has really made them, and me start to plan for the future and their retirement. Mom will be 51 this month, dad will follow in October. Last year mom was scheduled to have her second knee surgery, another torn meniscus, and dad was told he needs two total replacements. All of that got put on hold when mom was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer in August. She just finished chemo now, and will have surgery at the end of the month, followed by 6 weeks of radiation. They have fought through it like champs, and rounded out their best year ever at the sign company that the own, with only one employee. It's been a rough year and I had to travel back to help with several big jobs and to help get some new help rounded up. This just put them into high gear of thinking about slowing down. Finding something to do that is less manual labor intensive, and getting closer to me. Hard to be of much help from 800 miles away.

I have to say though, mom has been a champ through all of this and has given cancer the big middle finger!

Start planning early guys, you never know when the big health issues could be you, and not your parents!