After 21 years... she's leaving
 

Most, but not all of our mutual friends on Pelican already know this...

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. Things haven't always been perfect, but I thought they were pretty good. She came home from her 2.5 months of 747 training in Miami and announced she'd been happier without me and felt the opposite as soon as she returned home.

I tried to give her everything she ever wanted and have been her biggest supporter/cheerleader in all of her endeavors. We had our differences. I worked hard to accept them as such... differences, not things that needed to be changed or fixed. Sadly, I don't think she was able to get to the same place.

I'll refrain from going into details of our history, but after hanging out with you lot for the past 16 years felt the need to post the news here.

Sorry Lee.

I sincerely hope that happier days are in store for you.

Sorry to hear Lee. Hoping for good things down your path ahead.

Mate,
Sorry to hear that.
Nothing we say will make any difference to how you feel.
Might sound trite, but the phrase "When you're going through hell, keep going" has helped me at times.

Sorry to hear this Lee. I hope it opens up new doors for you.

Crap - of all the bomb shells. Hang in there.

I've been through a divorce and am currently married (for almost 14 years) and I always hate to hear this stuff. It sounds like you did the right thing, though - you were supportive did your best. You can't ask for more than that.

Good luck and hang in there. It gets better.

I like the suggestion above if in hell keep going. Lee you have my sympathy. I have been through this 32 years ago. It will get better for you. This sounds trite but would suggest counselling. This is a tough time but you will get through this....

If the gears do not mesh no use in trying to force it into gear. Better to move on, even if you have to suck up the pain and loss. No one ever promised you a happy life. You have to play the cards as dealt.

Very sorry to hear this Lee. I'm sure you tried your best. For some, you best isn't enough for them. If it helps, I was there almost 30 years ago.

Take it one day at a time. Take the high road in your final chapter with her. Don't rush into any new relationships.

Hooo, boy. Just awful news, Lee.

Hang in there.

Sorry to hear it, Lee. More "hollow" words that you may not want to hear at this point...but everything happens for a reason. Hoping for much brighter days in your future, sir.

Sorry to hear this, don't quite know what to say.

Sounds like you worked at it as much as you could, tough call.

Well, as I mentioned last weekend at Comicon, keep moving forward. This too, shall pass.

I've known you nearly 14 years and I know how much you dedicated yourself to your family. Anyone that knows your daughter can clearly see the fruits of your efforts. She's impressive, intelligent and very beautiful.
The next 10 years of her life are going to be a LOT of fun. Keep that fresh in your mind.

You? Well, you're fit, you run, you're kinda bright. And, when you're ready, I have zero doubt you will be able to get at least 1 or 2 dates...maybe 3 if you play your cards right.

Maybe it's time to get back into a Porsche. Just sayin'.

Call/text me any time you want.

So sad to hear this, stay close to your friends.
To be brutally honest there are times when I wonder if my marriage is going to survive.

Wow.

Please take the time to take care of yourself.

Bad news, but a lot of us have been there. People change/grow over time and what they want is different than what they wanted many years ago.

As grim as things may seem right now, you may find down the road that it was the best thing to happen to you.

There is a whole 2nd chapter of your life about to open up.

been there. done that. got the expensive and crummy T-shirt. sucks.

would encourage you to continue talking about the experience. daylight is the best disinfectant. :(

I'm very sorry Lee. I went through this as well. Just remember, life is very short...Too short to spend any more time than necessary with somebody who doesn't appreciate and love you for who you are, or visa versa.

My first wife said something similar to me me after 7 years of marriage. For the next three years I gave up my soul giving her control and trying to make her happy. It still wasn't enough and we divorced at 10 years. In hind sight, I wish I'd left the day she started complaining, just tore it off quickly like a hard stuck bandage no matter how hard it hurt. Three years of life wasted.

^^^^ Very good advice from Craig T. Sorry to hear Lee.

Aww fuuudge, hated to read that from you Lee. So very sorry that things have reached this point. My thoughts are with you and your kids and soon to be ex. It is so difficult for all parties. I too am a member of the club that no one wants to join.

Best of luck.

I never like to hear news like this. I was married for almost 25 yrs - was separated from 2006 finally divorced in 2010. That period was some of the darkest days of my life. Give yourself time to grieve and hopefully you won't beat yourself too much.

Surround yourself with those who care about you, focus on good stuff and be strong. By all means be good to yourself - I'm sorry.

Sad to hear :^( Time to take care of you! Craig speaks wisdom, which I should be following myself. Better days ahead for you. Cherish this time with your kids.

been there, done that (x2).

This too shall pass. It can and will be much better down the road.

Sorry to hear that man. I've been reading your posts for years - you seem like a great guy. You'll get through this.

Sorry to hear that Lee.
Good luck to you.
Keep your head on straight. Don't do anything you may regret later.
Things will get better. Promise.

Sorry to hear, you're one of the good guys around here. Stay strong and I hope that against the odds, you can have a good summer somehow.

Sorry to hear this Lee. Things will get better.

The only advise I will offer is now the love is gone the relationship is only about the money. If you fight the lawyers make out. Try and get the division of the spoils over and done with as fast as possible.

take care of yourself

Sorry to hear this Lee but at least she was up front with you and now you can have a clean break.

There is a lot of good advice so far in the thread so that will help.

More than anything you should know that as a community you have our friendship and support.

Of course, I have to offer my unsolicited advice moving forward....it's OK to date - just don't let 'em move in!

Take care! :)

Lee, I'm sorry to hear this but things will get better before you know it. I wish you all the best. SmileWavy

Sorry to hear your bad news. But you will find the RIGHT one in time.

Interestingly, 2/3 of divorces in California are initiated by women. But post-divorce measures of happiness give the edge to men. By a large margin.

Employed, kind, single men are unicorns in the dating world. It's way too early to be mentioning this, but your options will be limitless.

Sorry Pelican brother.

Been there, done that but came out much better for it. It won't be easy but you WILL make it.

Take care.

As others have said I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things settle out for you and you find a gal that appreciates you for life.

I'm sorry for the pain this must be causing you. I went through this, but I was the one who finally had enough. In the damn near twenty years we were together, there were some good times, overshadowed by a lot of mental abuse. With two kids that I loved so dearly, I tried my best to be the glue and keep it going. When I lost my job during the 2008 economic collapse, I had a lot of time to reflect on all of the baggage I had been sweeping under the carpet. I never came out of it. And I realized that beyond being a good father, all the love I had to share with someone else was being wasted and taken for granted. I wish I had made better life partner decisions. I wish I hadn’t stayed in it so long. I wish I hadn’t alienated my family and friends to make it work. I wish…

As others pointed out, this too shall pass. I pretty much lost it all to get out of it. But I’m still close to my kids and we make it work. I have been able to spend more time with my family back in FL. And I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone I so dearly love…someone who also came out of a crappy marriage. Someone who gets me, respects me, and loves me unconditionally. In the words of one of my idols, “I lost everything I had, now I’m startin’ over from scratch…”

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Wow, you guys are almost making me want to get married and divorced.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing is something that many of us have to live through. Better days, and happiness lie ahead for you if you'll let it happen again.

^^^^ Indeed. http://forums.pelicanparts.com/support/smileys/smi3.gif

Sorry to hear this...as others have pointed out, life will get better. Maqybe we are given the tough times in order to appreciate the good times more?

Hey man, sorry to hear about that. On the things of "toughest to deal with" this is way, way up there. But you'll get through it!

You're a good guy. Take and stay on the high road through this. If you are religious, lean on God, you'll be amazed that you can come out of these trials better than you went in.

Sorry to hear that Lee.
If a relationship is not complimentary and positive to both partners there is just no faking it. People change. Time to move on and re-invent oneself. The best revenge is success. There is much more to you than just this and here and now. You will eventually have a lot more to give to the right person out there and be better for it.

I'm recently getting over a 10 year which was one-sided for most of it. She became a pure hostile liability towards the end. I thought I tried everything but it was like talking to a wall. That's the way we are. Should have separated sooner because I became a person I didn't like, and wasted a lot of my own time on this earth. It's never easy but there is hope of that small reward again. Gotta stop and smell the roses sometimes.

Sorry to hear about it Lee.

Good luck for the upcoming challenges.