I've thought about that, but didn't ask. There is a black with black stripes 350GT sitting on the Albany (OR) ford dealership's floor...asking $10K ADM. Gotta confess, looks mean as hell. Logic tells me that it's driver's seat is no place for this old man. Besides, with the traffic in the Willamette Valley, no place to use what it's capable of.

BTW, don't get me started on "therapists". Let's just say I don't have a high opinion of them and their psychobabble.

Hookers and blow?

I had a buddy who tried to do a 'self administered' buy-off.

She figured if he had 'that much money' to buy her off, then he must've been hiding something, and she went for more. And got it.

As far as therapists, I did see one for one visit. Couldn't take it, I wanted to throw up on his shoe. I think he was a liberal. Don't need that ship.

I tried to tell her we should work it out with a mutual lawyer or such. She can't think on her own. She said everyone told her she needs a lawyer, so she got one. I feel like I'm divorcing her lawyer not her. After 8k on my side, don't know what she has spent on her end. I just want it to be done. Tiered of worrying about it. She wants a buy off because she plans on marring the guy. Less support payments so get it up front.

This is not going to turn out well, especially financially. High end retail therapy at this point is a mistake. Not a small one, either.

The woman disrupted at least 4 lives. She is not done with you. Imagine wringing out a dishrag. So far, she has no reason to alter her strategy because she is winning. You don't know it yet, but you are losing in a war you don't even see.

Forget the toys for now. Take some leave from work and go on a trip. Somewhere O.S or a cruise?

You may think you're OK but you're not.

Do something for yourself but most importantly let some time pass before making any big financial decisions.
I'd say a minimum of 36 months... Sorry but that's it.

--------------------------------
FWIW: I'd bet your ex's marriage doesn't last. Maybe 5 years if she's really lucky.
People change a lot in 30 years. It will never be like it was when they first got together.
I'm not writing this to make you feel better. It's just the way it is.

Grog,

what year, make, and model vehicle does (did) your wife drive?

Yep you need a good lawyer. Sounds way too much like this was planned on her part. Don't buy nuthin till it's all cut and dried and on paper. If you have anything of value, trade it to a friend for something cheaper. Reduce the financial value of everything. You might even go so far as to arrange a firing/leave of absence from you job. Play every bit of the victim she made you.

Friend had similar happen. Did all he could to devalue his assets so cash settlement was the best she could hope for and would be as low a possible. Example: His new truck and Mercedes suddenly "had major mechanical problems." He traded them to a friend for a truck that looked like junk but ran. His house somehow got majorly vandalized while he was away and was not only devalued but un-marketable. Changed it from asset to debt. Then after everything was finalized and a short waiting period he traded his cars back and fixed the house nicer than it was before she left.

Or could do like my brother did. Signed everything over to her with the divorce papers, quit is job, packed whatever he wanted that he could carry on a plane, and left. Said he didn't want any property associated with her and could live just fine on his income ability no matter where he went. He even exchanged the tickets after he got to the airport to make it harder to find out where he went.

Wait. If you are saying you can't open up to a shrink, but you think you can buy happiness, that's a red flag. Get 100% through with the divorce and settlement, spend a little time with your head, and then get a toy.

And Be Careful. Especially when jacking up cars and crawling under them, or driving really fast and powerful cars. I have been through divorce, and trust us, it takes a while to get it out of your system.

This could be great for you in the long run, if you don't rush into things.

Just take a nice vacation for a month or two or six to Thailand.

What we've seen here over and over again is a one-sided story.
.
BTW, there are good and not-so-good in every walk of life, in every profession - including the psych community.
I've witnessed it myself first hand - as a client/patient (I finally learned what to look for in a therapist) and then as a crisis center co-director and co-counselor for 4 years.
Here's my short and sweet take on so many of the cases in which I was involved:
.
Husband: "What's he got that I don't?"
Wife: "Self-awareness."
Husband: "What's that?"
.
Some women will hang on for years and years hoping for a change that they never see on the horizon.
Someone comes along and the woman finally decides to save herself - her life.
She goes for it.
Go ahead - beat her up for it.

a car won't fill the hole she left in your chest. right now you're sleep deprived and gutted. leave the money in the bank and focus on day to day--like not letting this situation boil over onto the rest of your life too much.

Well, I'd go with a Singer myself!

I've seen more women "flip the switch" after 20-30 years of apparent happiness that it no longer surprises me anymore. Though not married, I went through it....just moved on. Tough to read of your situation....you need to lawyer up imo...big time! Good luck....

My wife has these days when she wants us to "talk about things."



We were discussing aspects of our future. So when it was my turn, I asked her, "What will you do if I die before you do?”



After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself (since she is so active for her age).


Then she asked me, "What will you do if I die first?"



I replied, "Probably the same thing."

:D:D:D

I've seen this first hand and things didn't work out the way she thought they would.

My ex left me for someone she met on-line. Without going into the details this should give you some idea of were her head was at.
Long story short, she moved interstate to be with him & I ended up raising our three children on my own.
(He was a musician with no regular income)

Was I happily married to her? ... No but I was a father of 3 young children so leaving wasn't an option. You make do and do the best you can.
Did she at any point surprise me? ... No.

She missed the best years of our children's lives to be with someone who stayed around until her money ran out.
And then he shacked up with another married women 10 years younger than my ex.

So my ex moves back and she can't understand why the children wont move in with her.
She's a chain smoking alcoholic, 60 pounds over weight and she'll be 55 soon.

Looking back, I have regrets but now I sleep very well at night.

^^^
"So my ex moves back "
.
.
she moved back in w/you?

Um, no. :D