You crack me up Legion.....
Here is what I would do.
1. Disconnect the reference sensor ...this shuts off ignition and fuel injectors (another stolen tip from SoCal)
2. Prime the oil pump by pouring oil down the center hole of oil filter
3. Pull spark plugs and put small amount of oil in each cylinder
4. Crank engine over until you see oil pressure
5. Undo what you just did and after it starts grab yellow tool from tool storage.
