[red-beard]

Jim,

This sounds like a lot of American women, and American people for that matter, from the "me" generation. I expect she is a boomer.

My ex-wife was like this, nothing was every her fault. She was always the wronged person, always. In any argument, if she was losing, she'd change the subject to something she thinks she can win. ("We don't have the money to spend on that" - "We'll you spent money like that with your first wife", etc).

Without psychotherapy, that is not going to change. Now, take same attitude, and apply it to the three (or four) way relationship with her daughters. It fits. The daughters are fine, Jim is just wrong.

I actually think you're narrowing down on what the real relationship issue is here.