[Porsche-O-Phile]

I think the issue here is that marriage isn't inherently bad but it's been made to be bad due to the intervention of our legal system. Marriage worked fine for decades in America and centuries in western culture in general before the American legal system completely destroyed it.

THAT is the issue. It's a fixable problem but nobody has the will or interest to do so.

The problem is that in order to fix the problem (as I see it) one would have to do a few things:

1. Incentivize people to stay together and work out their differences, get through tough times and stick up for one another rather than just enabling "cut-and-run" (and "take whatever you can on your way out the door") as the societal expectation.

2. Revamp child support so it's actually for CHILDREN. In other words, put some accountability mechanisms in place. When I go to use my FSA debit card for a doctor's visit, I can be (and have been) challenged by the plan provider for additional backup to ensure it complies with IRS guidelines for what's allowed to be paid pre-tax. Why not the same thing for child support? Why not require expenditures of child support money to be audit-able (i.e. it has to be for kids' clothes, food, care or whatever that cannot be used for any other purpose). Saying "I need a $60,000 SUV 'for the kids' when they might see the inside of it once a month" or "I need a new condo for the kids" is overreaching and bogus and it should be called out as such. Instead former spouses pay a fortune to the point of being unduly burdened to cover the cost of such overreaches and misappropriations exercised with impunity because it's "for the children" (hogwash). They can restrict purchases made with an EBT card, why not child support money?

3. Alimony reform. Okay "liberated women". You're liberated and equal as you should be. You want out, fine. Stand on your own two feet. No more lifetime alimony. Hell, no alimony at all. You want out, you take what's yours, half of what's shared and be on your way. Good luck.

4. Real "father's rights" in child custody. 50/50 should be the default go-to - not "mom always gets custody and the father gets every other weekend if he's lucky". I know way too many people that sunk tens of thousands into trying to get valuable time with their kids (because they genuinely cared about them) only to be treated as insignificant and irrelevant by our system. It is still EXTREMELY archaic and anti-male. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or misinformed.

5. Go after the deadbeats. For real. There are some real scumbag parents who should be called out and shamed for failing their obligations to their children. No problem with that. The problem is now the presumption is that ALL people (especially men) are scumbags and "deadbeats" even when they're not, so many "live down to expectations" and see their role as unimportant and irrelevant. When you're told by our society that you don't matter, is it any wonder why so many men stop caring and don't?

6. Maybe allow "lite" marriages like civil unions where people have a legal status, are assumed beneficiaries, can make health care decisions for each other, get a tax break, etc. but retain independent control of certain assets, retirement accounts, etc. Heck, a lot of this (all of it?) can be done now with powers of attorney and the like, but having it set up as a formalized process that's streamlined and simpler would help I think - being "joined" with minimal risk of financial exposure would be a big attractant.

7. EDUCATION! Too many people (women) want weddings, not marriages. As soon as things get difficult, they bail. What's the incentive for them to stay (see #1 above)? They're going to get a financial windfall usually, sometimes a free house, free income for the rest of their life, etc. Take those things away and educate them that marriage is supposed to be for keeps, not "...'til inconvenience doth us part". This can and should be a societal expectation.

Really it comes down to two simple things: incentivizing "togetherness" (and disincentivizing divorce / separation), minimizing risk of loss if things do fall apart so people aren't "trapped".

It'll never happen though - the lawyers write the laws and they (or their friends part of the good-ole-boy-lawyers-club) make beaucoup bucks off the system the way it is now. No politician is going to risk losing the "female vote" by suggesting alimony reform (women love them free checks every month!) so the problem persists...

I could go on and on (and have) but those are some suggestions. I find the destruction of marriage by our enlightened system to be tragic. Once upon a time (my parents' / grandparents' generations and prior) it was a wonderful thing to be celebrated. It had some problems but they were over-reacted to and over-legislated to the point where it destroyed the thing it was trying to save. The medicine killed the patient. Now it's just a liability and you can do everything outside of the obligation, rendering it totally unnecessary. It's kind of sad - a cultural loss.

I'm not a real big fan of marriage in the modern context of America / western culture if you can't figure it out - I've seen it end up working out badly for too many people close to me.