TOP 30 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A WIFE SAY:


1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

4. Bar food again! Kick ass.

5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass.

11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.

14. You are so much smarter than my father.

15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

21. I'll be out painting the house.

22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

25. Your mother is way better than mine.

26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

29. Look! My ass is fatter than yours! 30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all yours.

Actually, mine has said 21, 24 & 25. :)

Best
Les

My keys are gone.
Impossible; I always drop them in the exact same place every time.
I haven't lost my keys since I was sixteen years old,
yet,
They are gone??


"I couldn't find mine, and I was late, so I grabbed yours".

Now how do I get to work!?!?

Does anybody else have one that puts things in random places,
And then -looks- for them when needed?

Rather than just putting it where it goes...

Yep, you pretty much covered the perfect woman !

Yes my friend, you are not alone...

Someone needs to work on their drywall skills.

Where’s a handyman when you need them!

Ahh yes the old "hand troweled" look. Can you believe people pay extra for that around here?

Anyone's wife love to place extremely fragile antique objects right on the edge of tables and shelves so if you brush up against them they crash to the floor?

Driving home from a road trip... we pass three supermarkets on the way... we get a block from the house "we need milk"

I have since learned to ask her as we are getting off the freeway "do we need anything at the market?"

Or howbout putting stuff on the other side of the door so it gets knocked over when you open it.

One pet peeve about my bride of 40 years is whatever she is working on in the house , whether it be house cleaning or thinning out toys for the grandchildren or whatever it ALWAYS has to be stacked in the area you walk ! Right off the bat stuff will be stacked by a door , a door leading outside or to the basement . How do you expect me to move the stuff either to the car ( outside ) or into the basement ? :( After closing off the door with stuff more is added in the hallway leading to the door :mad:

I think I stopped asking/complaining about 10 years ago :D it just wasn't sinking in :rolleyes: . Now I just know anytime we do spring cleaning , get ready for relatives to arrive , she's in the mood to change the decor , she wants to move around the furniture or anything similar I will just have to deal with every exit path being clogged ! SmileWavy

Ok I’m officially confused now.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1553658718.jpg

She's doing it just to fk with you now. Probably found this thread. You're gonna be sleeping on the couch for a month.

God forbid you run out. Better to have a backup. Get a little holder for the spare roll, and this problem will solve itself.

Which one are you supposed to use??! :confused:

both hands

Do not use good one that is for company.

You realize, of course, the above statement can be used to start a whole new topic...

Every gf I've had complains about my Ducati being in the kitchen, I have a lot of ex's.