People who refuse help.

[john70t]

I've got a 'simple' relative who is set in his ways unfortunately.
He's always been quite welcoming and an incredibly good person at the core, great to visit, but the house has always been a problem.
He's been dealing with various health problems over the years and breathing is one of them.

Being somewhat experienced in basic real estate and engineering, I've tried over the years to help him have a better place to enjoy in his later years.
Subtly or overtly...none of my suggestions seems to work.

The one-story on-slab is located at the bottom of a hill so his back yard receives all the surface water from above.
The screened-in back porch floods. It is unusable and has been abandoned.
That porch could be a nice place to sit outside in the summertime.
The last time we visited there was a 4" deep by 5' wide pond right in front of the back door step where his dog goes in and out throughout the day.
This includes the winter.

The inside of the place has always smelled a little 'musty'. Especially with 30-40year old original carpet/furniture/everything, a dog, plus never having been cleaned in the last decade. I bought him a HEPA vacuum cleaner, a dehumidifier and an air purifier which have all helped tremendously when they are used (when I visit). The amount of initial dirt and hair extracted from everywhere was..um..substantial. But those are just band-aids.

Besides monthly cleaning what he really needs is landscape grading:
1). A mini-excavator would make quick work of the grading where the yard is higher than the house.
2). A perimeter trench drain would help pull extra surface water.
3). A sump pump would keep the water table low enough that there would never be an issue again.
4). $5-10 grand to fix everything permanently is what I'd guess. A week max for a competent company.

But when I bring it up, the subject is always quickly changed.
Suffering seems to be his preferred method of slow dying.

[KFC911]

", can't be helped."

You did not complete the thread title imo.

Best of luck...

[masraum]

You can't force someone to accept help.

It may be possible if you're really people savvy to somehow convince them to do it by having them think it's their idea or something, but don't ask me how.

[ossiblue]

I guess my question is, does he complain about the situation? If not, then it's your value system that is driving your frustration. That's not to say your values won't improve his life and health, but it means that he doesn't accept them as relevant to him. He has chosen his own way to live.

If he is not "happy" with his health condition, it may be possible to tie your ideas to a direct improvement in his health, with which he may be more receptive. Point being, if you can find something that he is complaining about or is unhappy with, helping him find a solution to a problem he recognizes, may get him to move off the dime.

[vash]

maybe he is strapped for cash? (or thinks he is strapped for cash) probably pretty frightening for a guy with a fixed income.

seems like he embraces the help so far..HEPA filter and stuff.

if you rolled up with a construction company, i bet he brings out lemonade.

my mom's shower was a broken hip waiting to happen. i begged her to make the modifications. tear out her bathroom and install a safer room. it took me offering to pay for the work for her to make the move. now she loves it.

she is stubborn woman.

[racer]

Pride, Age and $$ are likely culprits. I bet he'd be ever thankful if it was just "done". Perhaps embarassed by the conditions and knowing he can't do it himself its easier to just change the topic.