"The problem with getting older..."

[fanaudical]

"The problem with getting older is that I thought it would take longer."

I don't know who said that first or where I first heard it, but it seems to be my mantra this past year. I've been feeling "lost" for a bit: Disgruntled with work, not getting to do the things I enjoy because of other commitments I've made, not exercising and feeling run-down - and then my father passed away on Friday.

This wasn't wholly unexpected. His health was failing and he was much more ill than he or is doctors understood. He passed away quietly after a week in the hospital for heart failure.

My mom and dad split when I was ~14 - long story there but I did keep in touch with him, but he was never really "dad" to me. He was always working far from home and rarely there when I needed him. He had a sit-down talk with my brother and I a couple years ago when he had another health scare so that he could say some things he wanted to and clear some guilt. I listened politely, but his remembrance of history was way off the mark from what really happened.

His wife (his high-school sweetheart - one of the reasons he was never home) is bat$hit crazy and I'm working on arrangements for his memorial service. I'm looking for photos of him with me and my family and can't find a single one. How does one lose ~25 years like that?

He wasn't a religious man and his memorial service will be short with some people recounting fond memories. His wife asked me to officiate. I'll be MC, but I politely declined to share a memory because (as I told her) "I honestly don't know where to start".

Anyway, I'm just venting this morning. The memorial service will be done in a couple weeks and I'll move on without trouble. The other stuff that has me down is all self-inflicted and I just need to change it.

For the rest of you - Don't wait - go make it a great day...

[pwd72s]

"Getting older" is upsetting because you know you will be old in a short while. Nobody beats father time.

Your father's death...this too, you will work through.

Hang in there...there will be good days.

[Evans, Marv]

My father died in 1992 at an age five years younger than I am now. Although my parents stayed together to the end, our family life as kids was emotionally pretty barren and mostly filled with negative input. As I looked back as an adult, I realized pretty much both of them - especially my father was just waiting it out until we left the nest. In addition, he had other issues. I felt a lot of anger until my late thirties, when I just had to tell myself we couldn't choose our relatives and people are the people they are even if they are your parents. That released some of the angst to the point I got along better with my feelings. So you can live your life with a father who is physically not there or physically there but not in other ways. I think it's the luck of the draw and have to move on at some point - you know love yourself. I always considered other kids lucky to have parents who treated them as persons even when I was a kid and noticed the difference. We just don't all hit the jackpot. Don't get me started on the subject of getting older personally.

[Racerbvd]

I lost my father in 93, he was only 68. Just try and remember the good times, time will pass and you will be OK..

I'm sorry to hear your story. Sounds like a difficult time you are experiencing. I lost both my parents long ago, and their passing was difficult.

[Steve Viegas]

The old saying..."This too shall pass"...
Things are dark right now, but they will not always be this way.
Change isn't easy. When the pain of the way you are currently living out weighs the pain of change, you will make the change.
Best of luck.

[asphaltgambler]

I lost my mom in 06 and then dad in 2012. My mom lived into her 80' s, my dad almost to 90. Towards the end with him - I realized my own mortality. That was what hit me the hardest. Being the youngest - I was blessed to have them for so long.

It was part of the reason I gave my life to God to have a genuinely meaningful life here how ever long that is. Further I now see every day as a gift, the ability to impact and make a difference.

[GH85Carrera]

The problem with getting older is one day, it stops. I don’t mind getting older, but I refuse to get old.

I lost my parents several years ago. I had great parents that were married until death do they part.

[Chocaholic]

Heading to Detroit end of this month to celebrate my dads 90th birthday. Mom is 86 and showing signs of mild dementia, but not too bad yet. I know the end will be here soon for one or both. They are estranged from my sister (long story) and most of their friends and piers are gone. Thankfully they’re pretty healthy but that is fleeting. A dark cloud is billowing but I’m lucky to still have them.

Facts of life that we all face...many of you have crossed that bridge. Some of us are approaching tentatively.

Peace. Sorry for your loss fanaudical.

[rfuerst911sc]

Getting old is a privilege not given to many , if you are fortunate to get old embrace it the best you can . Stay young between your ears ! Enjoy every minute the best you can .

[flatbutt]

My late father used to say "getting older is better than not". Condolences and much empathy on both issues.

[Zeke]

I thought fanaudical's post was well said and self contained — no comment necessary. Got a handle on it.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Zeke

I thought fanaudical's post was well said and self contained — no comment necessary. Got a handle on it.

I did as well - and great days are indeed "made". It takes effort.

Make time for you, Fan...exercise is the key as we age.

Be well.

[DanielDudley]

I too thought somehow things would be getting easier as I got older, but my responsibilities seem to have grown. Right now I am trying to make sure my responsibilities also reflect my priorities and my future. You can't put yourself last, and you can only delay personal gratification for so long before you burn out. You need to balance that with preparing for the future. It isn't selfish to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry about your dad. It is always difficult to lose someone, even if you weren't all that close. In some ways that can make it harder to process. Dad may not have been all that much, but he was all the dad you ever had. And in the grand scheme of things, once he is gone, some part of the mind realizes that you are next in line. That can make the day to day mundane tasks seem even more heavy.

This is a good time to reflect on the future, what time you have left, and what you really want. It is a good time to look at everything you do, and see how it works for you. Some part of every day should be yours, and everything you do should somehow reflect on your needs and values. Time on earth is precious. If we aren't living fully, we are just slowly dying. I expect that your dad wasn't there for you, but that you are always there for other people. You are people too, and you need to be there for yourself and give yourself the things no one else can or will. You are an honest person, and a good person. Be good to yourself, and be honest with yourself. How do you want the rest of your life to be? Only you can say.

[IROC]

I am in a situation where I have been raising kids for almost 30 years. My first wife left when my oldest son was 6 (he stayed with me) and then I re-married and have three kids now (5, 10 and 15. I'm 55.

My Dad died about 4 years ago and my Mom died this past March.

I have reflected on this subject. A lot.

My take-away from a lot of this is that life is simply difficult. Raising kids, getting older, maintaining relationships, reviewing the past...all of it is really hard. Looking back at my parents' lives (viewed through the lens of being their child), I realize that they were flawed people. I also realize that I am a flawed person. The reasons why people do things are very complicated.

Unfortunately, I have not yet achieved any sort of clarity other than be the best person you can and try and live life without regrets.

[KFC911]

I have reached the conclusion that I suck at dealing with elderly parents (great ones too) who are not who they used to be. Life seems to be MUCH harder for me now, and I'm not equipped to handle it at times...it's been a tough year .

Thank you for this thread....it gives me perspective.

Be well....

[cassisrot]

Sorry about your dad.

[911 Rod]

I used to think when people said "Life moves faster the older you get" was just a cliche.
With both parents gone, I am now the elder and time is flying by!
Live life the best you can.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

I used to think when people said "Life moves faster the older you get" was just a cliche.
With both parents gone, I am now the elder and time is flying by!
Live life the best you can.

It is a real!

As a kid the wait from Thanksgiving to Christmas felt like it was 11 months long. Now it feels like it is three days.

On a regular basis I think of some major even and think it happened a few years ago. Then I do the math, The Oklahoma City bombing seems like it was just a few years ago, but it was 24 years ago!

Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon over 50 years ago!

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

I used to think when people said "Life moves faster the older you get" was just a cliche.
With both parents gone, I am now the elder and time is flying by!

When my dad passed I became the family patriarch. It was a sobering moment when I realized suddenly everyone was looking at me as if I were an adult. Yes, time is flying by.