Had a new worst-ever airport experience in Germany yesterday.

[Rick Lee]

I guess it's my fault for not getting there 5-6 hours early. Every time I've given myself only three hours in Frankfurt, I've barely made the flight. Yesterday ALL check-in kiosks went down. I had checked in online the previous evening and just needed to drop off my bag. Not exaggerating here - it was almost a 30 minute walk to get to the end of the line to drop off a bag. My big, to-be-checked bag just about fit into the test basket for carry-on, there was nothing in it I couldn't live without, and so I decided to railroad it through as carry-on. I was challenged at every checkpoint, but I expected that and protested that it had fit into the test basket. Finally, at the security line, a cop with an MP-5 stood nearby as I grabbed my nice Kershaw auto knife and toothpaste and threw them into the amnesty box. I ordered a new knife on Amazon before the plane left. They tore me a new one at the X-ray machine. But I expected it and tried to smooth talk the lady. Since my German is about as good as my English, they thought I was a local and should know better. She was very hostile, but I calmed her down and they only took away my Austrian honey, Mövenpick cherry marmalade and foot powder spray. I was out about $50 worth of stuff. I checked the bag at the gate. At Dulles, since I have Global Entry, I was through customs in under two minutes and my bag was the third one off the plane. WTF Frankfurt?

[Cajundaddy]

Ummmm, you can't carry on that stuff Rick. Lucky the nice Deutsche TSA Frau didn't take you to secondary for a full cavity search.

[Rick Lee]

I wasn't trying to sneak it past them. I had forgotten about it. And they didn't find everything. I knew I didn't have any real contraband in there, so the worst that was gonna happen was getting yelled at and delayed, not any kind of criminal stuff.

[Jeff Alton]

Not sure I understand. You tired to get a bag through carry on that didn't quite fit the dimensions, got challenged at every checkpoint, new you were going to challenged and tried to smooth talk your way though, but in the end had a bad experience?

[Sooner or later]

Bummer that the kiosks were down but it seems the rest is on you.

[slodave]

Interesting. My cousin from Bremen just visited and always “smuggles” food stuff in for my mom without ever having issues. Even when he brings over stinky cheese.

[Rick Lee]

Of course, I knew it was on me. Had I waited in the lines, I'd have missed my flight. Again, I could live without everything in that suitcase, but really didn't want to miss my flight. I wasn't ever going to see any of those people again, so I decided to argue at every checkpoint. AND ... after I checked in online the night before, I got an email from Lufthansa saying to please consider gate-checking my carry-on luggage (free of charge) to free up overhead bin space. I'm not blaming anyone but Lufthansa for not being able to handle the bag check stuff and the totally understaffed immigration and security checkpoints. There were a whopping four immigration cops with a line of thousands of people before them. Would you believe my plane was delayed because people's bags had made it onto the plane, but the passengers hadn't (because of the immigration and security lines), so their luggage had to be removed? Plane left without them. A total clusterfook all around. I thought Germans were better than most at this stuff, but Dulles has them crushed in every category.

[Sooner or later]

If you fly there often why not buy a slightly smaller piece of luggage that actually fits the test bin and avoid future hassle.

[Cajundaddy]

We had a related experience with customs at JFK. We bought a dry salami in Budapest and planned to snack on it in our hotel room at some point with local bread and cheese and a little wine. From there we headed to Vienna and on to Berlin by tour coach. The food was hearty and we never touched the salami so I put it in the checked bag and flew from Berlin to JFK.

On arrival we collected our luggage and waited in the customs line when a cute little Beagle was being led by a customs agent through the line. This dog must have known I am a dog lover because he sat down right next to me and let me pet him.

I didn't realize I had just been marked for contraband and when we got to the front of the line we were promptly directed to the secondary inspection room where they carefully inspected every item in all 4 bags, wife's purse, and had us remove our shoes for cleaning. Apparently there are 2 kinds of dry salami. The kind you can buy at an open market (which we did) and the kind you can buy from a USDA approved deli. Who knew!!

The inspector was just doing her job but it took a long damn time while the rest of our family waited outside. At the time there were bovine diseases like mad cow and they were taking no chances that we might have purchased the salami on a farm and had contaminated beef or contaminated shoes.

After 40 minutes or so we were free to go and fortunately we had several hours layover before our final flight to ONT. Yes it was a pain, and yes it was our own ignorance that got us into that mess. Not bringing home any more international produce from now on. If we don't eat it we will just give it to the gypsy children.

[rusnak]

Seriously.

You wouldn't pull that kind of stunt packing unless you're expecting to get ass-raped by a surly 200 pound uniformed jack-booted Frau sporting a footlong schitzel.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by rusnak

Seriously.

You wouldn't pull that kind of stunt packing unless you're expecting to get ass-raped by a surly 200 pound uniformed jack-booted Frau sporting a footlong schitzel.

That's right. But I wasn't expecting it when I packed the suitcase. I knew I wasn't committing any crime, no matter what they found, so I figured the worst that would happen, IF I made it to security, was a good chewing out, which I got. I didn't want to throw everything out before I got to security and there were three checkpoints before that which could have turned me back. By the time I saw that line by security, I was in a mad dash to get the knife tossed and just get my place in line. Next time driving to Munich or Düsseldorf would take less time. Eff Frankfurt. That airport just sucks.

[wdfifteen]

Glad you got through. I’ll bet it didn’t hurt that you were willing to jettison some stuff just to get on the plane.

[plexiform]

I was recently at this airport. Way too many checkpoints. I mean I'm all for safety but they are ridiculous.

[KFC911]

I saw the thread title....just knew it had to be Rick...LOL.

You should send them all a Christmas card

[IROC]

I went thru Munich's airport a couple of times last week. Passport check on the way in was not very efficient (an understatement) but it was being blamed on Oktoberfest. It probably took an hour to get through immigration. I hardly have anything good to say about Atlanta's airport, but coming back into the US (thru passport control, etc.) was a well-oiled machine. Very nice.

Yeah...and flying back out of München - too many checkpoints. I will say everything went quickly, though.

[beatnavy]

Originally Posted by Cajundaddy

We had a related experience with customs at JFK. We bought a dry salami in Budapest and planned to snack on it in our hotel room at some point with local bread and cheese and a little wine. From there we headed to Vienna and on to Berlin by tour coach. The food was hearty and we never touched the salami so I put it in the checked bag and flew from Berlin to JFK.

On arrival we collected our luggage and waited in the customs line when a cute little Beagle was being led by a customs agent through the line. This dog must have known I am a dog lover because he sat down right next to me and let me pet him.

I didn't realize I had just been marked for contraband and when we got to the front of the line we were promptly directed to the secondary inspection room where they carefully inspected every item in all 4 bags, wife's purse, and had us remove our shoes for cleaning. Apparently there are 2 kinds of dry salami. The kind you can buy at an open market (which we did) and the kind you can buy from a USDA approved deli. Who knew!!

The inspector was just doing her job but it took a long damn time while the rest of our family waited outside. At the time there were bovine diseases like mad cow and they were taking no chances that we might have purchased the salami on a farm and had contaminated beef or contaminated shoes.

After 40 minutes or so we were free to go and fortunately we had several hours layover before our final flight to ONT. Yes it was a pain, and yes it was our own ignorance that got us into that mess. Not bringing home any more international produce from now on. If we don't eat it we will just give it to the gypsy children.

Had a similar experience at Dulles returning from Lisbon last month. My wife decided those "extra" Euros needed to be spent at the duty free store in the Lisbon airport, so she bought a small pack of sliced salami and bottle of wine. Going through the primary CBP lane at Dulles she helpfully volunteered that she purchased some sliced meat, but it "was okay" because it was from the duty free store. She learned "duty free" does not equal "USDA Approved." It's lots of fun to spend an extra hour in customs after a long flight only to have your purchase get tossed in the trash.

You can't expect airport security (anywhere) to apply common sense or anything other than "the book" to dealing with issues. Part of it is they just don't have the time, and I think the other part is they get numb to the human side of it.

[911boost]

That airport sucks hard. I avoid it at all costs if I can.

[Rick Lee]

I came back with Mrs. Lee once, direct to Phoenix from Frankfurt. My Global Entry had me out of customs within three minutes of getting my bag. Mrs. Lee, of course, brought fruit with her and fessed up to it. I had to sit on the other side of the glass and wait for an hour for her. This last flight did not pass out US Customs declaration forms. I just did it on the screen at the Global Entry exit. I thought Frankfurt's security was reasonable and I fully expected the treatment I got. No grudge at all. And, as much as it sucked at every checkpoint, I did successfully get my large bag through to check at the gate. But they are severely understaffed for the volume that airport handles. I just can't believe they let that go on there. It's very un-German. Never had anything like that at Munich or Düsseldorf.

[Captain Ahab Jr]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Of course, I knew it was on me. Had I waited in the lines, I'd have missed my flight. Again, I could live without everything in that suitcase, but really didn't want to miss my flight. I wasn't ever going to see any of those people again, so I decided to argue at every checkpoint. AND ... after I checked in online the night before, I got an email from Lufthansa saying to please consider gate-checking my carry-on luggage (free of charge) to free up overhead bin space. I'm not blaming anyone but Lufthansa for not being able to handle the bag check stuff and the totally understaffed immigration and security checkpoints. There were a whopping four immigration cops with a line of thousands of people before them. Would you believe my plane was delayed because people's bags had made it onto the plane, but the passengers hadn't (because of the immigration and security lines), so their luggage had to be removed? Plane left without them. A total clusterfook all around. I thought Germans were better than most at this stuff, but Dulles has them crushed in every category.

I'd have cavity searched you, sent you home with an ouchy bum

[pwd72s]

This thread makes me grateful that there is nowhere I need or want to go badly enough to submit myself to the torture and humiliation of today's air travel.