When you are the first one at the urinals and the last one to leave, called pee envy. Happens to me at airports all the time.

As told to me by a 94 year old man back in 1982 (he was a cool guy)

"When I was young I had to put my dick under the fence rail so I didn't piss in my face. Now that I'm older I have to throw it over the fence rail so I don't piss on my shoes".

The other week my wife and I were coming out of the library (before they were closed ) and a young woman smiled at me and opened the door. As we got into our car I laughed and said the first time that happened to me, it was a boost to my ego, until I realized the cute young thing opening the door and smiling thought of me like her grandfather.
What the heck, I still like the smile.

I can't remember who said when they were 16, they thought 19 year old girls were so hot and that now they were 61 they still thought 19 year old girls were hot. Now that I'm in my sixties, I find I appreciate those kids mothers more than the kids. :D

Best
Les

4 pieces of mail yesterday...2 ads from local assisted living places and one from the Island Funeral Home, one unrelated piece.

At one of the large conventions I was at the banquet dinner was long as usual. I walked into a giant almost empty bathroom with 20+ urinals. There was an old man struggling with his walker, trying to get it out of the way so he could get to the urinal. So I helped him move it over and and I heard him unzip. I had the walker set up next to his urinal so all he had to do was grab it and go.

I then walked around the walker and stood one stall away and proceeded to do my thing. Some 12 year kid can running up, zip, pee, zip and ran out. The old man just muttered "show off".

Then:

I'd like a pack of smokes and a pack of condoms.

Now:

I'd like a pack of condoms and a pack of smokes.

I must be so old they think I'm dead. I used to get those things along with the ones from cremation services. I no longer get them.

...To zip up the fly after taking a leak.

But you’re really old when you forget to zip it down!

When the local biker sits in his driveway revving the engine and it really pizzes you off, even though you are a motorcyclist too.

When you hear yourself mumbling "damn kids these days"

You check the obituaries to make sure you're still alive.

When you notice you've started using the hand rails on the first trip downstairs in the morning to get a cup of coffee because your knees aren't "warmed up" yet.

Oy!

You wake up stiff in all the wrong places.

you know your getting old when.....
 

You can't remember your third grade teacher showing how possessive contractions work.

....you clicked ;)

^^^^ This!

Plus, you chuckled at the "Fairly Dumb Question" thread and got all of the references!

priorities change:

young:
1 sex
2 sex
3 sex

old:
1 a good meal
2 a good nights sleep
3 a good BM
4 sex

Dang. I remember when that cover hit the stands!

Best
Les

When I get up from being on the ground, I think of the "Green Mile"
So I always say;
"Old man rising" instead of "Dead man walking"

I may be in trouble here.

Trying to remember my third grade teachers name.