Help from the Braintrust, Aging Parent Issue...

[billybek]

Thought I would throw this to you guys to see what you think.

My mom's care facility has been on full lockdown for over three weeks and has not had an occurrence of Covid 19 yet but my mom is convinced that she has this illness and has further isolated herself from what social activities they are still running.
Mom has always been a worrier and is now in this facility by herself as my dad had passed a year ago.

My sister and brother have tried to reassure her that she doesn't have the illness and have batted about getting some weed oil into the facility to help alleviate her anxiety and asking the nursing staff to do a fake test swab and then tell her a couple of days later that she is in the clear. I think there are some ethical issues with the latter suggestion.

Any ideas would be welcomed and considered.

[john70t]

Anxiety and stress leads to all types of other problems and self-destructive behaviors. Groupthink herd panic has become a reality.
(but so is the virus for those compromised over 65)
The body remains its own best medicine. Good food, sunshine and exercise.

imo She needs to be staying busy with a 'safe task'. Researching something or an internet bridge group.
Al indications are that the spread is nearing it's peak of the curve soon.
Let's hope.

[Reg]

Similar situation here. My dad’s now been gone 2 years. My mother doesn’t believe she has it but she has all kinds of other issues with anxiety/panic being one of them. If you try any CBD I’d suggest gummies. The oil didn’t work in our case.

The homes limits are being tested across the planet. I tip my hat to PSW and all health care workers.

[billybek]

The care centre has been quite good about getting the residents outside to walk around the grounds and maintaining their distance.
My sister had said that my mom is having a hard time remembering how to operate her devices for facetime and email to keep connected. Almost like she is paralyzed with the fear that she will pass this illness on to others in the care home.
Thanks for your thoughts, John. Much appreciated.

[billybek]

I am unaware that you could buy CBD gummies. I will look into that.
Probably a little THC wouldn't hurt her at this stage of the game either....
Thanks, John.

[Rikao4]

level of anxiety ..
depends on her news feed
news has it ..nursing homes are ..
death traps ..
like your idea..
but it could get out of hand..
as others would want the 'all clear'...
wishing her the best of health..

Rika

and some...
gummy bears would be great ..

[Seahawk]

I volunteer three times a week at my wife's mothers living facility now to deliver packages, food, family stuff, etc. to their doors. Nice place. Saturday is the busy day.

See if you can do that. I am sure you have great masks, etc. to facilitate volunteering. I talk to her Mom through the door for a few minutes, seems to help. You could do the test, perhaps, since no professional medical person on the planet will run a knowingly false test.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is a great idea.

Careful with the Gummies...this is not your father's THC. Start very low.

The other stuff? My wife calls twice a day, we have set up a nearly fool-proof VTC with her a few times a week...took some doing but she is getting used to it...I walk her through it on the phone. Her facility has excellent internet.

I don not particularly like this woman, BTW, nor does my wife, but now is not the time to quibble.

[1990C4S]

Your mother SHOULD be isolated. Period. There should be no common dining areas, no coffee groups, nothing.

Whether or not she has it, for safety her behavior should be the same right now.

If it is a retirement home, she should isolate, if she is a nursing home with daily health care worker interaction you should think about moving her out.

Look at Ontario and Quebec.

[Noah930]

Mrs. Noah works in such a facility. Her advice:

You can have the social worker look into this. The social worker can talk to your mom, and get a feel for whether her fears/concerns are well-founded or not. If she's already on anxiolytics, the social worker can get the psychiatrist (or whoever is managing the meds) to increase or adjust them, or just to point out/rationalize all the medical reasons why she doesn't have it (if that's true).

[Reg]

The home where my mothers is at there a is lockdown. No visitors and activities are limited. My mother has psw interaction but has own private room. It’s not a good situation but we cannot offer the care she requires at home.
The gummies are cbd with little to no thc. Start low and go slow.
Only interaction we have is phone. between sister and I we’ve spoken to mom 10 times so far today. We bring her items she needs but cannot visit in person.

[jhynesrockmtn]

My Mom is in assisted living. They didn't isolate them for meals until last week. I was surprised it wasn't earlier. It's now a bit more real for her but she seems to be holding up ok. Her mild to medium dementia does have some upside in situations like this. She doesn't really track how much time has gone by. We haven't seen her in a month.

I'm not sure what more you could do. If the staff are managing her meds, don't introduce any CBD without checking with them. They'll be rightly pissed. If you are managing her meds then fine. Just start with a very low dose. No way they will "fake test" her for COVID.

I have started writing letters which I should have been doing before. My Mom doesn't have access to a computer or social media. I keep them short and print out and send pics of the grandkids and great grandkids. In many ways this thing is forcing us to do some things the old fashioned way.

[billybek]

"I don't not particularly like this woman, BTW, nor does my wife, but now is not the time to quibble."
I have to tell you that I laughed out loud on this! My mom can be a difficult person but at the end of the day, she is my mom.
I appreciate the advice on the gummies too. I think that checking with the facility before offering this as a solution is a great idea.

C4S, my mom is in a facility just outside of Ottawa and they have been very careful with visitors (none) and disinfecting everything that family brings for the residents. They maintain distance in the dining areas and there are several in the home that mom can go to but she is choosing to self isolate. The problem is she is worrying herself sick.... The residents can choose to go outside for walks and maintain distance.
Mom's aunt died in hospital during the SARs outbreak. She died alone with no visitors allowed in the facility. I am betting this is a big influence on mom's mindset right now.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Noah. Great advice. I will suggest this to my sister who is in control of mom's well being.

Thanks again, Reg. Going to call after her dinner hour.

Jerry, the letter writing idea is gold! Gold, Jerry! Really great advice, thanks!

Hope I didn't miss anyone. Very much appreciated.

[Gretch]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I volunteer three times a week at my wife's mothers living facility now to deliver packages, food, family stuff, etc. to their doors. Nice place. Saturday is the busy day.

See if you can do that. I am sure you have great masks, etc. to facilitate volunteering. I talk to her Mom through the door for a few minutes, seems to help. You could do the test, perhaps, since no professional medical person on the planet will run a knowingly false test.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is a great idea.

Careful with the Gummies...this is not your father's THC. Start very low.

The other stuff? My wife calls twice a day, we have set up a nearly fool-proof VTC with her a few times a week...took some doing but she is getting used to it...I walk her through it on the phone. Her facility has excellent internet.

I don not particularly like this woman, BTW, nor does my wife, but now is not the time to quibble.

THIS is the down side of putting old folks in care facilities, so we don't have to put them up in our homes.........

It is a cultural thing that has evolved over the decades......... it use to be easy to abdicate the care of the old folks to the state...... and rest comfortably in the belief that this was the "right thing to do".

I am not so sure..........Good friend had his dad live with him when he became infirm. prolly (yeah, opinion) got a few years more out of him for having made that sacrifice. For my friend, it was worth it............. he mourns his "pop" every day, and was with him when he passed on. I can say with absolut certainty his pop appreciated every second of it. Pop was someone I would call a "friend"... it was nice to see his smile, when he came by the house in riding shotgun with his son in the pick-em-up truck.

Society here in the US, does not do that any more........... mostly a convenience thing........ government being big brother and all......

Not sure it was a good thing. I do know we have gotten soft as a society............... mostly because we could........... harder times may well be ahead.

life goes on, but the freekin rules keep changing..........

[1990C4S]

My mother in law is int he same boat, zero visitors, zero trips outside. Groceries get dropped at the front door, then delivered by staff.

It sounds like your mother needs to a) move out and live with family for several months or b) be medicated, but by a doctor, not with weed from a family member.

[unclebilly]

It’s a tricky situation for sure.

I think once Covid gets into a facility, it spreads pretty quickly as we saw (are seeing) in Calgary.

The gummies or a nightly drink of sherry might be a good option too.

[billybek]

When dad was alive he and mom would have "wine time" every evening before they ate dinner.
That is not a bad suggestion! Thanks Scott.

C4S, we were wondering if she had gone to my sister's place. Might be possible now that their brick and mortar store is shut. They do go in every day to look after their online business.

[billybek]

Of course when I phoned mom tonight, everything is OK (which means that it is not really OK) and that she is frustrated by being locked in with no visitors.
I will try to phone every two days to see what is going on and get my son to write her a note. I think the letter writing is an excellent idea.