And I forgot to mention above - I almost always get rated as Exceeds, but because I'm on the upper end of the pay scale for my position, my pay increase percentage is reduced. If I made less, my raise would be much higher. Makes no sense to me.

100% commissioned. I just look myself in the eye at the end of the year.

Working for the man is a different thing in my world. One of the better parts.

That was like me, any time they called and said "can you work," I said "yes, I'll be in." Then at the end of the year, "we can't give you a bonus, because you worked too much."

True story.

About 20 years ago, we went to the current system where you have set goals at the beginning of the year and write up all of your accomplishments at the end. A few years into the system and an acquaintance of mine was absolutely convinced that his boss didn't really read his EPR (employee performance review). I'd often thought the same thing but was never brave enough to test it. He decided that he would test it and made one of his goals "75% participation in Hawaiian shirt Fridays." Sure enough, his manager signed off on his goals and didn't say a word. He'd proven that his boss didn't really read the goals.

Shortly after mid-cycle review (halfway through the year), his boss angrily called him into his office. It seems that the boss's boss had pulled a random sample of EPRs and his was one of them. One can imagine that the boss was reamed a new one for letting this slip through. No good deed goes unpunished though. This guy was told that he had failed to report on the participation levels of Hawaiian shirt Friday and his manager expected an e-mail with participation numbers every Friday. Sure enough, at the end of the year, he was given a low rating and no raise, ostensibly because he did not meet the goal of 75% participation in Hawaiian shirt Friday, but actually because he'd embarrassed his boss and this was payback.

I’m now self employed, so I get a self evaluation every day. But I’m a bad employee and sometimes don’t show up for it.

Out of the corporate world Jan. 2010, and partners with my wife in our tax and accounting practice, that she started in 1993, since then. We're selling the practice, and the deal is just about finalized. I'm done 12/31 and she's staying on with the new owner to aid in transition, for about a year. Adios working world, having worked in one way, shape or form since 1970.
What's a performance review again?

I get evaluated every week. I told them when I signed on to this position, one I gave up 8 years ago, that I didn't care if they told me or not. I really don't, the resources are there if I was to want to check.

So, my manager and his manager conference call me one night after I got home. We go over a few things, then they said I was doing really well and they appreciated it. The next morning after a training session they call again. They could not hold it in. Not only was I the top sales rep in the region (205 reps), I had been #1 in the country for a couple weeks straight.

I down played it, just doing what I do. The next week, the owner calls to thank me for a job well done, he had no idea I hadn't worked all week.

I imagine I'll get a raise, but don't expect one. I couldn't do what I do without a good team, and having one makes it worthwhile for everyone.

How are the people who are working from home going to fill out their yearly self evaluation ? For some reason, I am considered an "essential" employee (who has worked every day since June 1st) as a prototype tech, but somehow, all of my Engineer co-workers are at home petting their dogs all day in pajamas.

What really riles me up is there is probable someone (or multiple somebodies) up in the corporate offices drawing a salary bigger than mine who thinks their pushing out these evaluation policies have one of the most important jobs in the company. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep my department in the black while my employees spend at least 20% of their time in meetings or in useless training.

And don't get me started about 60+ page safety procedures. What happened to KISS?

One of my favorite corporate stories about the GM CEO:

When Mary Barra stepped into the role of CHRO at General Motors back in 2009, one of the first things she set out to change was the giant automaker’s 10-page dress code policy. Intent on shaking up the notoriously stodgy culture at GM, which only recently had emerged from bankruptcy, Barra reduced the multi-page policy down to two words: “Dress appropriately.”

Sounds like every corp environment ever.

HR and Lawyers

unfortunately, "appropriately" is subjective to some clueless folks, and some of those clueless folks know how to work the system, so they'll go to HR for harrassment, and HR will have to look into things because that's what they do, then you'll have those few jackwads that are practically untouchable because of HR. Some manager will have as their priority, driving those folks out very carefully.

Even though I have met all my targeted goals for the year, and have exceeded last years profits, that greedy bastage still thinks I could be pushing myself harder .
No raise for me, but I did get a good pat on back though .

Where I work, it was almost certainly written by a committee of HR folks. And they are all sure they are working on the most important thing the company does.

To further prove how necessary HR is, when we had a major reorganization a few years ago, HR was allowed to stop doing almost all HR work for a full year while they reorganized. Every other department had to do their job AND reorganize.

Yeah... I got a shot sandwich this year. Busted my ass. Got lots of accolades and recognition through out the year

Then when it really matters...and impacts my year end comp and annual increase, I was told that I was at the high end of the standard rating. That’s like a hand job without a finish.

“I’m not maintaining a high enough profile with senior management”. They have a quota for higher ratings.....blah blah blah

So why am I busting my ass doing actual work?

Retirement can’t come soon enough

The "GE Way" used to be 10-70-20

10% High Performers
70% Meets Expectations
20% Least Effective Person

So if you have a group of 20, 4 will be LEP every year. Two LEPs in a row and you are gone. Oh, and "open slots" cannot be LEP...

The Problem is...any LEP on your record is BAD. I went from top tier to bottom tier in one year, because my manager liked to "spread it around". And LEPs do not get a raise.

I was the only person in the group that asked for more work. If it looked like my schedule was getting light, I'd ask for more. And I was LEP. He had to make stuff up and I had to have a correction plan for those issues. That was part of the reason I left GE that year...

I used to have close to 100 direct reports....it was not fun.

I will say this: the number of people who are completely unaware of their shortcomings and their place in the pecking order is astounding.

Any notion that corporate “thinking” is rooted in logic or any kind of value in people is folly.

Rule #1:
ALL corporations care about is money, particularly the larger, publicly-traded sort. If you work for one, you are expendable chattel and an expense to be shed at first opportunity, NOT a resource.

Rule #2:
If you believe “our people are our most valuable resource”or similar feel-good stuff, see Rule #1.

Rule #3:
If you believe “safety first” has anything to do with the company valuing you, see Rule #1.

Rule #4:
If you think you’re indispensable, see Rule #1.

I’m really, really glad I no longer (and won’t) ever work for a huge public corporation ever again. Small business or self-employed only.

I set up a folder for every employee at the beginning of the year and added new content as each completed (or failed) on an assigned project. Reviewed with all on a quarterly basis. Took me about 10 minutes per appraisal to finalize each one at the end of the year. There were no surprises at the end of the year.

We had a 20/60/20 rating system. Each job classification had a pay range that increased slightly each year. Once you topped out the raises were minimal even if you were the best in the world. Want more money? Get promoted into a new pay classification.

I think that's right. I keep thinking that I'd heard that the 20% was the "needs improvement" group, but that seems really high. Since that's what you remember, I'm fairly certain that is what the case was at the place that I was talking about as well.

My favorite review response was to tell my boss that I'm the only one in the group who uses a precise methodology for complex problem resolution with a proven track record.
Remind me again, they would say?
It's was my PIDOOMA moment, remember?
Oh yeah
What does that mean anyway?
"I Pulled It Directly Out Of My Ass"
(sly smile & a wink @ this point for effect)

If you can't dazzle with brilliance, baffle with B.S.
Someone said that once?

The Army decided to take it one painful step further about 10 years ago (IIRC). Not only are you required to submit a support form of your accomplishments, you also have to complete a 360 review that you send to something like a half dozen people that evaluate you. It doesn't count and is for your own edification but nonsense nonetheless. You have to send to subordinates, peers, and senior.

I'm retired now and don't miss the entire knob slobing thing one bit.

The Army is far from a meritocracy.