Have to Flush yet another Teenage Helper

[asphaltgambler]

But he (and his mom) doesn't know it yet...…….

We have a SFH on a little over an acre in the NOVA country and from time-to-time need an extra set of hands and back for work, yard work and clean-up mostly. Part of this as I have posted before, is mentoring youth, prepping for their next real 'job'. Specifically teaching them what 'on time' means, value of work and learning to use tools, good communication skills, etc. Also if they have something on their mind they want to talk about, which they frequently do after some time spent working together.

The current lad has helped us on and off for over a year, but his mom is a true 'helicopter' parent and often shows up with him even though he now is 17. Early on I joked to her that our labor budget is only for 1 person...……..

This weekend, we needed full-on leaf rake and clean-up. It was a great day weather-wise. In advance I told him it would be a full day's work outside, to bring water, lunch, appropriate clothing, gloves. He arrived on his 4 wheeler, on time (10 mins early) and began raking once I showed him what I wanted and what the day's goal was. In addition I told him if he met that goal, I would include a 'Christmas bonus' to which he exited about.

So I'm working in the garage on my stuff, I look out the window and see him on his phone frequently. Then he comes in, asks for water - I said Ok but you didn't bring any? He goes back out and again on his phone every time I look out. Then he comes back and asks for Ibuprophen as his back hurts. Ok, no problem - my wife asks how much he needs. He goes back out rakes some more and then again, back inside my garage almost in tears saying his mom and him have been arguing over texts the whole time, his back and legs hurt, he has scoliosis ( first time he told me that) AND his mom drives to my house in the interim and orders him to go home immediately. This was @ 4hours of 'work' by that time, although I'm uncertain of how much actual work was done.

So not a h*ll of a lot of leaf raking was accomplished, upset me, constant interruptions to my work frustrated me so I just stopped to then do the other work I had him scheduled to do later that day.

I was sooo p*ssed, really as this has been an ongoing thing with his mother. He is supposed to come back again this Sat to continue, but I'm done with his mother more than him. Yesterday I spoke to our church youth leaders and they said that there was likely someone that would be willing work this upcoming Saturday.

So stay tuned, I'm not firing him until I find his replacement before Saturday. If I cannot get someone else, I'll see if he shows up and works, then talk to him when he's done. Either way I want to get this job completed, then on to our personnel issues.

It is very frustrating finding a young person who wants to work to make some cash, with-out all the drama.

[Zeke]

Don't you have any labor rental pools around? Or are you too far out of the city? I have used rental labor almost exclusively to avoid employment and worker's comp ins which is huge here. Like 20% for many trades and up to 80% for a roofer. That's $160 a day for a 200 a day roofer.

IDK what landscaping costs but I wouldn't let anyone work here w/o insurance. HO ins does cover for some casual and menial tasks. That was written into CA law in 1977.

[vash]

thankfully, in my youth cell phones didnt exist. i'd probably get fired.

i helped a friend clear a vineyard. he hired a few kids (i worked for free - okay beer and bbq). these kids would pause to look at phone all the time. we did supply water and drinks and snacks. but it was hot as hades. it was the right thing to do.

would a leaf blower have worked? a rake sucks.

[gregpark]

He doesn't know how to work yet and doesn't really want to work yet. He'll eventually learn both out of necessity. It could be a valuable first lesson in the work world for him when he sees he's been replaced

[ckelly78z]

It would really be much better if he showed up and worked, and then you could talk to him privately for as long as he wanted. It doesn't sound like the Mother will let this happen however, and perhaps she isn't ready for her hatchling to leave the nest just yet.

It's really sad when you finally find someone willing to that is held back by a parent...regardless of a physical disability. Maybe he could do something else ?

I was so lucky to have no electronic distractions in my youth, and also surrounded by hard working folks who formed my work ethic early.

[asphaltgambler]

Yes, well work is work, I wanted part of the yard raked and carried over into the woods. My goal is finding someone school age, even middle school to help us as needed for cash, and mentoring.

We've hired adults as well, but have had similar problems with them too. We live in a highly populated area, close to a few different 'towns' so there's plenty of population around us

[GH85Carrera]

My wife worked at a university in the HR department. The university constantly hired students to work in the offices to learn and work and earn some money. With a state owned university, they have to go through a formal hiring procedure of filling out paperwork, and showing SSN cards, not just a number, and work documents for foreign students.

On a regular basis they had parents come in with their college students to help them fill out the paperwork or even the job application. Totally helpless kids, and helicopter parents doing everything for the kid. Most always the kid was useless as a worker. They expected play with their phones most of the time and had to take a lot of breaks.

They also have several kids that it was obvious they were the bright, ready to work, and learn, and got there on time, and left on time. Most all the good ones got a full time job at the same place upon graduation. The found a lot of great workers that way, and the filtered out the useless ones.

Those helicopter parents were the real problem. They never taught their precious snowflake to do anything on their own, the parents did it all for them.

[Zeke]

I see outdoor workers on their phones everywhere I go except for gardeners. I've had subs working for me and their workers on the phone 15 minutes out of every hour. It pisses me off even though it's not my money, just my time. I don't see many lazy mow and blow guys. I don't know why but they have to making some good money as they get in and get out all day long.

[hcoles]

My memory is back in the day - ? 60 years ago. I don't recall there being helicopter parents or at least not the percentage and intensity we see today. What changed?

[Bill Douglas]

Say to the kid that he has now been upgraded to being a contractor. And that means he gets paid X amount for a certain job. The sooner he completes it, the sooner he gets his dollars. If he doesn't complete it, nothing - the contract hasn't been completed. He may sub-contract out aspects of the job (raking), that's his business, but he's responsible for completion of the job.

[asphaltgambler]

^^ I'm way past that now. This kid has more anxieties and worry than you could imagine. He has virtually no manual skills at all, but does show up when asked. I'm done more with his mom, as I've tolerated this since the start, hoping he would grow out of her shadow, but I'm ready to move on with or with-out a replacement.

[Scott Douglas]

@Zeke - I think most mow and blow guys have a set number of customers they do each day so need to keep moving.
To original poster, I'd make it a requirement that the kid(s) turn their phone in to you while they are working for you. IF they can't understand that YOU are paying them for their time and that they shouldn't be on the their phone while on your dime, they aren't worth hiring IMO.

[Dantilla]

I'm so grateful for the work ethic my dad instilled in me.

At the time, I thought my dad just wanted the cheap labor for his construction sites.
When I started working for others, I learned what a gift all that work I hated actually was.

Without my dad, your story of frustration would have been caused by me. Thanks, Dad....

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

Yes, well work is work, I wanted part of the yard raked and carried over into the woods. My goal is finding someone school age, even middle school to help us as needed for cash, and mentoring.

Ah heck, I'll bring my garden tractors up and we'll make short order of it/ cept' for me logging onto pp every 10 min.

Seems like he needs to be payed by 'job completed' vs. 'hours worked'. I've seen that speed up some adults and run off the lazy ones.

[Tishabet]

If you replaced "mom" with "girlfriend" in the original post then I would say yes, can him and feel fine about it. The fact that it is his mom, though, gives me pause... much more difficult for a kid to set boundaries with their parent than with a friend or whatever and also sometimes easy to be blind to your parents' flaws when you are still a minor living at home with them. That doesn't mean you as his employer and mentor should have to put up with any of this, though.

The bad things you describe this kid doing sound like the product of the helicopter parenting... parent coming along to the job, parent texting with kid during the job, parent demanding kid leave now, etc. As you've said, you are more "done with his mother more than him" and who can blame you, this sounds pretty egregious.

You have stated that your goal here is "mentoring youth, prepping for their next real 'job'" and I would proffer that you're not doing that unless you have a man-to-man chat with this 17 year old to tell him exactly what's up. Namely, there isn't a job in the world where bringing your parent along or texting with them during the job or having them show up and dictate your hours on the fly is OK. What he does with that info is up to him, but as a mentor it's on you to to deliver this feedback to him. This is the time for the "critical conversation" where you speak plainly and help set him up for success even if that means success working somewhere else. Don't let him go on to the next employer thinking that the reason it didn't work out with you was because he forgot to bring water... the person you really want to fire here is mom, and you are doing him a disservice if you let him move on without spelling that out clearly. Otherwise he's likely to get canned from more jobs (likely with employers who don't give two bits about mentoring) for the same reason. We (myself included) often have blind spots when it comes to our family.

[Crowbob]

Work ethic is a valuable thing to teach the kids. But also, so is problem-solving. My daughter (now a mom w/ two VERY active boys of her own) has just recently discovered why we (her parents) refused to bail her out of situations she could have and should have handled better. More than once, recently, she thanked me for being a dad and not a caretaker.

Unfortunately, her husband (a really great guy) has not the benefit of problem-solving so she really has three boys.

[blucille]

if you are truly interested in mentoring this kid, my gut feeling is that you need to be out there with him rather than wrenching in the garage. for this generation, you can lead by example but it's got to be within their view. peer-to-peer...no harm in you running the leaf blower or driving the tractor, but I don't suspect you'll be successful in telling them "go do this, and I'll be in here doing something else"

[rfuerst911sc]

Geez when I was still living at home but working if I felt like crap my dad would say " you can be sick at work the same as at home " !!! Now get your butt out of bed and get to work .That mantra stuck with me my entire working career .

[KFC911]

No good deed goes unpunished....

Rake yer own yard ... less effort and more satisfying....

Even better is a big azz Stihl backpack blower

[vash]

Originally Posted by rfuerst911sc

Geez when I was still living at home but working if I felt like crap my dad would say " you can be sick at work the same as at home " !!! Now get your butt out of bed and get to work .That mantra stuck with me my entire working career .

i stayed home. i never wanted to get anyone sick. even as a tiny kid.