.......and now I can't stand to even look at her anymore........

[asphaltgambler]

One of the encouraging things I said to him after hearing all that, was, our generation is different than our parents (Greatest Generation) because we're generally healthier, medical attention and medications are better. We're still viable at 60 so that most of us have a while to finish well

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

generalizations like this are foolish at best.

You've never heard that joke, I guess.

Too busy trolling.

[fintstone]

Yes. Lots of folks have a whole new life after losing a spouse after many years ti illness/death. My mother mourned my Dad for 10 years and then started dating all the men she knew back in high school (many were widowers or divorced)…eventually marrying. Both have passed now. My father in law did the same after his wife passed. He waited 20 years and remarried in his 80s and they are going strong after many years.

I had to fix it

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Do you really think people “shame” you for not being married?

absolutely, and if you dont think happens, then why do people feel ashamed and like failures if they arnt married anymore? where do they get that feeling from?

[Norm K]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

get rapped on all the time in PARF for being unmarried ...

Yes, that's exactly why you "get rapped on all the time in PARF".

_

[rusnak]

CP is a spinster woman? She's dried up and her innards done gone expired.

[Crowbob]

As I gracefully age with class and sophistication, I realize forgiveness is the key to happiness. I’ve been forgiving people my whole life and they all love me for it.

[rusnak]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

As I gracefully age with class and sophistication, I realize forgiveness is the key to happiness. I’ve been forgiving people my whole life and they all love me for it.

Here's the thing about that - forgive but don't forget. Usually people who did you wrong are best kept at a distance. How unhappy would you then be if they wronged you a second time because you forgave? You can go around helping the world until someone screws you over. Then you realize that not everyone deserves your charity, because that is a fact.

[gsxrken]

I think it was Confucius that said “we all have 2 lives, and the 2nd one begins when you realize you only have 1.”
It’s a fact that 18-28 year olds are pretty young in hindsight to be making these kinds of lifelong or life altering decisions, especially with the hormone levels being what they are in those years prioritizing certain things over other qualities.
But it is what it is and there’s no changing it. We’ve all BTDT with various success. Sorry to here about Bill’s story, but at 65 he’s got to look at it like he’s got another 20 years… how’s he want to spend them? And go from there.

[asphaltgambler]

Forgiveness of others is about you healing inside, not about them

[Crowbob]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

Forgiveness of others is about you healing inside, not about them

Absolutely!

Victimhood, grudges, revenge, obstinacy will eat you alive.

But, as rus says, ‘Never forget’. Screw me once blah blah blah...

[craigster59]

As my Wife likes to quote Maya Angelou "When someone shows you who they are, believe them".

[stevej37]

.......and now I can't stand to even look at her anymore.......


And I thought this was a thread about Caitlyn.

[Bill Douglas]

Originally Posted by stevej37

.......and now I can't stand to even look at him anymore.......


And I thought this was a thread about Caitlyn.

There, fixed it for ya.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

Thank you for the sage advice. Believe me, I’ve thought about it. Knowing him as well as I had, I am sure at this point, if he could forgive me he would have by now. I have little doubt he knows my intentions were good.

My wife agrees that you should reach out, and she's much more in tune with interpersonal stuff than I am. .

He probably forgave you years ago. He may be too embarrassed to reach out.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

i dont get why men think there is no alternative to escalating relationships. you can just say no. seems pretty clear early on this was what she wanted, and he didnt. he could have just said no.

once in a conversation with my coworker who hates his wife, generally his entire life, and he said "well you know, it was either get married or break up, and so you know what happens then ..." and i was like "yeah you break up" and he was like "if that ever happened to you, you'd know you get married instead of break up" and i said "remember a couple of company picnics ago, katlyn? thats why we broke up" and he was flabbergasted. like it had never even occurred to him that you could just say no to be married.

Sunk cost fallacy. I feel like it's more of an issue with women than men, but that's probably not true.

Too much invested to back out now...

I'm with you, better to get out when you realize there's a major compatibility problem than stay and escalate. I'm married now and have been with my wife for over 27 years. It's worked out well for me. It works out well for lots of folks, but not everyone. And then you've got a bunch of folks that get married when they should call it quits.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by osidak

Had a good friend that lived in Alabama - married for the second time to a woman from europe. She came with a daughter. He loved the wife, the daughter was a hellion with a drug problem. One day he had enough and kicked the adult (mid 20's) daughter out of the house (she stole and pawned for drugs the last thing from him apparently) - The wife packed her bags and left and took most of what he had left with her.

He ended up with a brain tumor shortly there after - surgery was successful - but he started drinking a lot and ended up loosing his job a few years later.

Now he is in a home with alcohol induced dementia.....

Damn, that's a horrible story.

[SCadaddle]

"Had a good friend that lived in Alabama - married for the second time to a woman from europe."

You sure that wasn't Eupora Mississippi? It's right around the corner from Hong Kong!

[Tervuren]

CP, consider this:

There are numerous unmarried in PARF that do not have it brought up there.
It isn't that you are unmarried on it's own.
There is an inconsistancy between how you live your personal life and the politics you support.
You make demands of others that they should share of their life; yet your personal life lacks such commitment.

THAT is why your personal life gets brought up from time to time.

[rfuerst911sc]

This coming June my wife and I will celebrate 44 years of marriage . Best decision I ever made .