Mortality

[Jeff Hail]

Everyone is going to go and your stuff will get looted or thrown away. Get used to those three facts.

[flatbutt]

My route 66 thread is tangentially about mortality. I'm only 70 but the second oldest in the tribe after my 75 yo brother. Everyone else is gone. So, my decision to no longer go on long solo MC trips was motivated by the recognition that it's just too risky at this point. So, I'll probably switch to a trike now!

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

My route 66 thread is tangentially about mortality. I'm only 70 but the second oldest in the tribe after my 75 yo brother. Everyone else is gone. So, my decision to no longer go on long solo MC trips was motivated by the recognition that it's just too risky at this point. So, I'll probably switch to a trike now!

I'll be doing a lap of the States in a year or so with a friend of mine. He is a motorcyclist and we are looking at trailering his bike to the more interesting sections of the country. Always room for one more if we can make it work.

I will not be riding a motorcycle - moral support only!

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by Jeff Hail

Everyone is going to go and your stuff will get looted or thrown away. Get used to those three facts.

Very true. When my father died, I threw away his framed college degree and master's degree. It was an odd feeling as I pitched them into the skip but wtf was I going to do with those?

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by Jeff Hail

Everyone is going to go and your stuff will get looted or thrown away. Get used to those three facts.

On the plus side, you won't really care...

[GH85Carrera]

[asphaltgambler]

I am the youngest of 4, 3 boys - 1 girl - I am the last of the 'Boomers age 62+. My parents were both prime examples+ of the Greatest Generation. The had me late in life, both @40, there is considerable age difference between me and my oldest brother. He was starting his first year of college when I was starting kindergarten.

My mom lived until 86, last of her years with dementia, Alzheimer's, loss of recent memory, and a lot of health issues associated with that at the end. My father almost made it 90. Throat cancer towards the end from life-long cigarette use, even though quitting at age 55.

After being Blessed at having both of them in my life so long........losing my mother........was, of course.......huge. But losing my father.................there are no words. It was when I realized that now they're gone, most all of their contemporaries had already passed, there was no one left. That emptiness was devastating. So much so I just could not get past him leaving us. Eventually, I did fully grieve the loss of both of them, started to unpack a lifetime of baggage through Christian counseling. That's when I fully understood my mortality. I forgave my next older brother for essentially an entire life of his unprovoked constant jealousy against me, broken promises, being verbally and physically inappropriate with my girlfriends and wives, cheating me out of deals and money.

Summary is: I am now a changed man. I think in many ways as long as at least one of my parents were still living, I was still their child. It was then that I decided to try to run as good of a race as my dad and mom in my remaining time here on earth. Last night, I told them both.......... I'll see them in a second....................

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

It was when I realized that now they're gone, most all of their contemporaries had already passed, there was no one left. That emptiness was devastating. .

Wife reminded me a couple of days ago that her father, who is almost 89, has lost several friends lately. (MIL died in 2020 of Alzheimer's and it wasn't pretty).

FIL is realizing he is the last man standing. At times he gets a bit down as a result of the loss of his wife and friends. But he is pretty chipper most of the time.

[GH85Carrera]

My wife's grandmother was 98, still mentally all there, but rather slow on the physical side. She became depressed when the last of her 5 children died before she did, all of her life long friends were dead. She had even lots many grandchildren. She was just ready to go. She pretty much willed herself to die.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by matthewb0051

Wife reminded me a couple of days ago that her father, who is almost 89, has lost several friends lately. (MIL died in 2020 of Alzheimer's and it wasn't pretty).

FIL is realizing he is the last man standing. At times he gets a bit down as a result of the loss of his wife and friends. But he is pretty chipper most of the time.

My grandmother is well into her 90s. She lost her youngest, her son, a couple of years ago. Her husband is long gone. Many years ago, she moved from the home that she'd made with my grandfather for many years to be closer to her oldest daughter and my cousins. She's ready to go. I get it. She's still got 2 daughters and grand kids, but moved away from her friends and garden and church. My mom and grandmother would walk in their neighborhood every morning/day except Sundays, inclement weather, appts, etc.... She recently stopped walking as she's felt unsteady and is now using a walker around the house. Unfortunately, my mom has also stopped walking even though she should probably still be walking. But I know she wouldn't want to walk alone.

My great grandmother, ^her^ mother, went when she was 98 or 97. She was living with my grandparents. She got up and went to the table for breakfast. She sat down and was eating some oat meal. As I heard it she made a noise, kind of like "Oh!" and fell face first into her oat meal and that was that. That seems like a good way to go maybe second only to dying in your sleep.

[Seahawk]

For me, my relationship with my father improved after my Mothers passing in 1990. I was my Mother's son. It just was. Then I became my Fathers son because he needed one, he didn't before my mother died...she was the brick and mortar.

So, I knew them both very well. I have zero regrets and no lingering issues other than I miss them both at times: Often painfully so, sometimes sublimely.

I consider our relationships a gift, especially in their passing: Sentient to the end, difficult life experiences to handle but not dramatic. Hard to explain.

My comment before on this thread concerning preparations was a reflection on my Dad and my discussions as the Executor of his will and how he wanted his passing to go and then the future after he was gone, including his second wife, my family and the kids.

Prepare your affairs to ease the burden on others, be aware and don't fear the next steps regardless of your beliefs.

While working through his last will, he asked me what I wanted, what my wife and kids wanted.

"Ask them". I already knew their answers.

I know all this sounds maudlin but it is cathartic and healthy, a fortunate chance to learn how to say good-bye before you have to.

I have rambled enough. Prepare, be forthright and honest with those you love.

[KFC911]

My parents are 86 now... dad is nearing the end of the line. Mom might make it past 100... genetics, lifestyle, and family history.

Her grandmother (Granny to all the clan) was born in 1860, and died when I was two... in 1962. I remember her too... just barely. She was splitting kindling with an axe when she was 100, and played "ball" with older cousins in the yard.

Who else knew someone who lived through the Civil War?

The circle of life....

[tabs]

My family all moved away without leaving forwarding addresses...

[gsxrken]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

But losing my father.................there are no words. It was when I realized that now they're gone, most all of their contemporaries had already passed, there was no one left.
Summary is: I am now a changed man. I think in many ways as long as at least one of my parents were still living, I was still their child. It was then that I decided to try to run as good of a race as my dad and mom in my remaining time here on earth. Last night, I told them both.......... I'll see them in a second....................

Asphalt- I lost my dad last year and could have wrote your post. He wasn’t just my father, he was also an exceptional man; we ran out of 400 Mass cards that the funeral home had printed, many other attendees didn’t get one because the cards were already gone, and many others didn’t attend due to Covid restrictions (March 2021) but sent condolences. We’ll never know the true headcount and it doesn’t matter but it was a remarkable turnout and testimony to a unique man.

For those of us in this sad club, this article may help you “label” what it is that you’re working through. Most of the themes resonated with me.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/family/losing-dad-how-a-man-responds-to-the-death-of-his-father/

[Bill Douglas]

Originally Posted by Jeff Hail

Everyone is going to go and your stuff will get looted or thrown away. Get used to those three facts.

Stop it. I can't take it. The thought of death and that 911 SC CDI ignition system that I have stored in the attic being thrown out. It's all too much.