Now the (true) story can be told, my car was Uberhauled by my friends!

[ChrisBennet]

Part 1: The Kidnapping of My Car

As some of you may remember, I totalled my 911 at Lime Rock back in 2003 and lost my job the next month. Fast forward to Sept 2005 and my wrecked 911 is still sitting under a tarp in my driveway and I'm working every hour of the day on my start up (or "starve up" as I've termed it) business.

On that day back in Nov 2005 I went outside to get some fresh air while I talked to my buddy Todd (Pelican "9dreizig") when I notice the car under the tarp looked somehow different.

When I lifted the tarp I discovered it wasn't my car at all. Instead it was a 912 shell with a milk crate and some cardboard in place of the engine lid to make it look like it had a tail under the tarp.
I'm on the phone with Todd, and I'm saying "Hey, HAAAAY! This isn't my car! Todd, someone took my car and substituted a shell!"
Todd says something like "You're sh**ing me"

Now it just so happens that I had sold Todd the motor out of my car but I hadn't pulled it yet. Todd, upon realizing that my car had been stolen said what any sensitive guy would say in that situation:

"What about my motor?" (Thanks Todd, you're such a comfort.)

I pulled up tarp some more and saw there was a note taped to the shell.

(cont'd)

[ChrisBennet]

This is what the ransom note said:

Dear Chris,

Do not be alarmed. Don’t look surprised. Pretend that this is your white 911. You are being monitored at all times. Your car is not in danger and it will be returned to you complete and unharmed provided our conditions are met. If you fail to comply with our conditions the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits for the next 30 years…

Our conditions are:

1. Do not ask questions
2. Do not tell anyone that your car is missing
3. Post on Pelican that you are selling several varieties of belly button lint to raise extra money for gas
4. Find the missing wheel/tire from your car and prepare it to be dropped off. You will be notified where and when it is to be dropped off.
5. Consider your favorite color of plaid and post it on Pelican under the off-topic heading: “I like plaid underwear”
6. Select and clean your favorite seats from your collection and prepare them to be dropped off. You will be notified where and when they are to be dropped off.
7. Locate a white bed sheet, piece of green paper, tub of butter, 4 Q-tips, 3 rubber gloves, and a bottle of Old Spice after shave. You will be notified what to do with it.
8. Memorize Chapters 4 and 6 of “Facts and Mysteries in Elementary Particle Physics” by Martinus Veltman and ponder its application to DE events
9. Locate a pair of green and black fuzzy dice scented ones if you can find them.

You also will be contacted from time to time and asked to perform several tasks. You must comply with these demands as quickly as possible. The quicker you respond the faster you will see the White Stag again.

We will be in touch.

- A Friend

This was the source of the threads I posted on Off Topic:
FS: Belly button lint

I Like Plaid Underwear

[ChrisBennet]

Here's a link to the initial stages of the restoration: Operation 911


-Chris

[ChrisBennet]

Hi Chris,

It's me again. Just put you at ease I have spoken to both Todd and Ali. They are aware of the situation. They are comfortable with where the parts are.

So answer me this:

1. What is your favorite race track?
2. What is your favorite color porsche?
3. What is your favorite model/year porsche?
4. What is your favorite interior color?
5. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if he could chuck wood?
6. What parts and tasks required to make your 3.4 run again?
7. What type of tires do you prefer for DE events?
8. Are you a fan of black or chrome trim?
9. How dark is too dark for tinted windows?
10. Do you like giant carbon fiber rear wings?

- A Friend

PS The 912 is not mine and there may be a very unhappy owner when they realize it is missing. So please take good care of it for me.

[island911]

Outstanding!



I was kinda wondering why some blindfolded Tarp-man showed up on the plaid underwear thread





Somehow plaid interfers with reading ability.



$ea waddd eye meeeeen. ... nekst plaad pic...

[Bill Verburg]

Outstanding! What a great group of friends

[CJFusco]

Wow, really cool

[ChrisBennet]

Dear Chris,

The time has come, all will be revealed to you about the fate of the White Stag. You will be picked up at 6:34:21 PM on this Saturday (12/2/06). The driver will be someone you know but they will not know everything. Do not ask any questions, I will know if you do.

In order to prepare yourself you need to follow along:

1. Do not ask questions
2. Do not tell anyone you are going out
3. Chrissy should accompany you to make sure your manhood is not compromised.
4. You must be showered and freshly shaven. Please comb your hair.
5. Dress from head to toe in nogaro blue including socks and skivvies.
6. In your left front pocket put one 10 mm socket, a small roll of electrical tape and a piece of chewing gum.
7. Post on the Pelican BBS a post saying that you have found that the meaning of life is full contact midget wrestling in a vat of blue raspberry jello. During your post you must mention the words “nogaro blue” 11 times.
But the word blue cannot appear more than once in every second sentence, use a minimum of 50 words.
8. Chant “A Porsche is a precision driving instrument, not a battering ram”
13 times exactly at midnight on Friday while looking into a mirror and holding a lit candle.
9. Buy a pair of fuzzy dice in a color of your choice. Tie one of them to each of your shoes.
10. Blindfold yourself and wait outside your garage for your driver. While you wait you need to hold a fresh can of Mountain Dew. Wear a jacket, it may get cold where you are going.

Failure to comply with these steps will ruin it all for you. There is a large block of concrete and steel that is precariously suspended over your car that can be remotely triggered to return it to the shape that we found it in. All it will take is the flick of a switch and I have twitchy fingers.

We will be in touch.

- A Friend

[930addict]

That is soooo cool.

[ChrisBennet]

I know I'm bragging now, but I really do have the greatest friends.
-Chris

[TerryH]

Originally posted by ChrisBennet
I know I'm bragging now, but I really do have the greatest friends.
-Chris

You're a lucky man. Those friends are keepers. Congrats!

[widgeon13]

You must be a pretty nice guy to have friends like that.

Hope I don't BUMP into your car at LR some day.

[MotoSook]

Excellent! Congrats. Chris.

[bigchillcar]

wow..this story made me tear up. how even nicer to have such friends. that's the real story here..
ryan

[oldE]

Great story, Chris. Thanks to you for sharing it and to all your friends for making it happen. I flat out love the color!
I hope there's enough beer in your fridge to repay all your friends.

Don't bend it!

Les

[rcm]

Chris,
I will say that it is well deserved for all you have done in the past.

What's better is friends who know that.

Good luck or better luck with the new ride.

[Gene Wilkes]

You're sure to succeed in life with friends like that! Treasure them!

[PlaidLint]

More intel regarding the Bennet Uberhaul Conspiracy:

Due to the...ahem...questionable legality of our actions (i.e. committing grand theft auto), I won't be providing any details regarding the membership of our cabal. However, some people need to be publically exposed and held responsible (oops, I mean "thanked"). First off, special kudos must go out to our host, Pelican Parts, for offering discounted parts. A big thanks also goes to Dick Horan of Precision Imports of Manchester, NH (http://www.precisionimports.com/) for extreme generosity as he provided the project with garage space, lifts, endless parts, and use of his professional tools. We also need to thank Len Cummings of Autosport Engineering in Stowe, MA (http://www.autosportengineering.com/) for keeping his shop open late on a Friday night so he could donate desperately needed parts at the project's 11th hour. Len is known around here as BoxsterGT. And a big thanks also goes to Pine Street Auto Body in Nashua NH (603-882-9710) for donating all of the paint and painting supplies! It was absolutely HUGE of them to do that!

[bigchillcar]

kudos to you guys..simply unbelievable friends.

[petrolblue83911]

That's very cool, can't wait to see it on the road around here!