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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 8,702
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Nerd Ten Commandments
If you're going to post the ten commandments in classrooms, at least make them worth it...
1) You Shall Not Pass 2) Never Feed Him After Midnight 3) Never Get Involved in a Land War in Asia 4) Never Tell Me the Odds Help me a with a few others.
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Mike Bradshaw 1980 911SC sunroof coupe, silver/black Putting the sick back into sycophant! |
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05-02-2023, 09:45 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: secure undisclosed locationville
Posts: 24,274
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this should save some time. it goes on for pages.
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. Shooting is not too good for my enemies. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No." After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know." When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. Peter's Evil Overlord List
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1971 R75/5 2003 R1100S 2013 Ural Patrol 2023 R18 |
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05-02-2023, 09:52 AM
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Model Citizen
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Voodoo Lounge
Posts: 18,815
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• I WILL have sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads.
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"I would be a tone-deaf heathen if I didn't call the engine astounding. If it had been invented solely to make noise, there would be shrines to it in Rome" |
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05-02-2023, 10:13 AM
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I see you
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NJ
Posts: 29,883
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Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and the pig likes it.
Escalators are never broken they just become stairs. Never complain and never explain.
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Si non potes inimicum tuum vincere, habeas eum amicum and ride a big blue trike. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." |
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05-02-2023, 10:18 AM
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Preferred pronoun:Maestro
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Group W Bench
Posts: 11,359
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Don't tug on Superman's cape
Don't spit into the wind Don't pull the mask off that ol' Lone Ranger Don't mess around with Jim ... Oh, and and if you're Jim, don't mess around with Slim. _
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When in doubt, use overwhelming force. |
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05-02-2023, 10:54 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 30,416
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Don't sweat the petty stuff.
Don't pet the sweaty stuff. |
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05-02-2023, 10:57 AM
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Registered
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Can you keep a secret? So can I.
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05-02-2023, 11:03 AM
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The Unsettler
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lantanna TX
Posts: 23,885
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1) You Shall Not Pass
2) Never Feed Him After Midnight 3) Never Get Involved in a Land War in Asia 4) Never Tell Me the Odds 5) There is no try, only do.
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"I want my two dollars" "Goodbye and thanks for the fish" "Proud Member and Supporter of the YWL" "Brandon Won" |
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05-02-2023, 11:07 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Seattle
Posts: 1,247
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Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
There is no crying in baseball. Get busy living or get busy dying. There is no place like home.
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"Rust never sleeps" |
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05-02-2023, 12:40 PM
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Ayo Irpin, Ukraine!
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 12,526
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1) You Shall Not Pass
2) Never Feed Him After Midnight 3) Never Get Involved in a Land War in Asia 4) Never Tell Me the Odds 5) There is no try, only do. 6) The needs of the Many outweigh the needs of the Few
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Harmlessly passing gas in the grassland away; Only dimly aware of a certain smell in the air |
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05-02-2023, 12:53 PM
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Driver, not Mechanic
Join Date: May 2013
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 3,002
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I mean if you're not feeding him after midnight, might as well avoid bright light and don't get them wet.
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05-02-2023, 06:15 PM
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Registered
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 8,702
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I guess I'll make it more classic...
1) Thou shalt not pass 2) Thou shalt not feed him after midnight 3) Thou shalt not get involved in a land war in Asia 4) Thou shalt not tell me the odds 5) Thou shalt not try, only do 6) Thou shalt double-tap 7) Thou shalt throw after the count of three 8) Thou shalt realize that there is no spoon 9) Thou shalt take it off some sweet jumps 10) Thou shalt state that yes, you are a god when asked 11) Thou shalt know that the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen commandments 12) Thou shalt hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis 13) Thou shalt flip the tortoise back over 14) Thou shalt not blaze up in here 15) And I'm tapped. I just need one more. "needs of the many" doesn't count, it doesn't fit the style
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Mike Bradshaw 1980 911SC sunroof coupe, silver/black Putting the sick back into sycophant! |
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05-02-2023, 07:47 PM
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Registered
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: bottom left corner of the world
Posts: 22,715
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Quote:
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05-02-2023, 08:04 PM
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Control Group
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No matter where you go, there you are
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She was the kindest person I ever met |
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05-02-2023, 09:19 PM
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Registered
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,950
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Never shake it more than twice unless you mean to
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05-02-2023, 09:53 PM
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Run smooth, run fast
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 13,447
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If you misplace something, you will always find it in the last place you look.
If you think you can trust a fart, proceed with caution. If your kid tries to argue with you about something like his/her being grounded, tell them, "this is not negotiable," and walk away. If they retort, "It's not fair!" tell them they're correct and often life isn't fair... but keep walking.
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- John "We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline." |
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05-02-2023, 10:45 PM
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The Unsettler
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lantanna TX
Posts: 23,885
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Quote:
Ever notice that typically when someone says "lifes not fair" it's when that person had a choice to either be a decent human being or be a dick and they chose the later?
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"I want my two dollars" "Goodbye and thanks for the fish" "Proud Member and Supporter of the YWL" "Brandon Won" |
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05-03-2023, 06:18 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 30,416
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If it ain't broke .... fix it until it is!
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05-03-2023, 06:20 AM
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Preferred pronoun:Maestro
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Group W Bench
Posts: 11,359
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Quote:
_
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When in doubt, use overwhelming force. |
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05-03-2023, 06:39 AM
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What?!?!
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Quote:
Else, it would be..."I lost my keys, I looked for 2 days and then found them in the 3rd to last place I looked."  Oh, and to go with this one... Quote:
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running shoes, couple tools, fishing pole 1996 Subaru Legacy Outback AWD, 5speed 2002 Subaru Impreza WRX, 5speed 2014 Tundra SR5, 4x4 1964 Land Rover SII A 109 - sold this albatross |
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05-03-2023, 06:47 AM
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2004 Mazda Miata
