Dating over 60. Not sure I have a point, or just venting.
 

How do y'all deal with dating?

I'm grateful to get asked out a fair amount, but it doesn't change that dating over sixty is like digging through a dumpster looking for the least smelly and broken thing you can find.

That's why I was surprised I had a really good date last Saturday. He's kind, considerate, easy on the eyes, isn't a quasi-hobo, and never once said something blatantly stupid. (He did mention he's an attorney, but I'm letting my 'no lawyers' rule slide for now.)

Anyway, now my crazy insecure inner teenager is overthinking everything. "Maybe I should call. Maybe I shouldn't call. Maybe he's got 5 girlfriends already." Ugh, I'm driving myself nuts.

Supposedly we're going out again Saturday, so I'll see what unfolds.

Dixie, He is a lawyer? Go ahead and put the questions to him. You are the judge.
I am fortunate not to have had to date for 5 decades but I will tell you: if he is worth your time, he will appreciate no smoke and mirrors.
Life is too short for time wasters.

Best
Les

Send him a text to say "That was fun the other night. Looking forward to Saturday."

Shows you are interested, don't have a guy lined up for each night of the week, and it's not over the top.

I won't offer any advice because a) you didn't ask for any, and b) I'm not confident it'd be helpful anyway. But since your "crazy insecure inner teenager is overthinking everything" I thought you'd appreciate a reply.

FWIW, based solely on your posts here you seem insightful, self-aware, and articulate. ZL1 Camaro racks up some credibility points too! So nothing to add, but wishing you good luck.

If he didn't say anything stoopid .... then yer "date" wasn't long enough :D.

I can offer no dating advice .... but I do know a bit about mins... weze dum :)

Good luck!

Dixie,

If you are unsure about where you stand, initiate a conversation. But, always have a question for him that he will need to respond to. If you have plans for Saturday, call him and ask something like, "There's a great new (restaurant, movie, or nightclub) that I'd like to try. What's your preference?"

But, the one question that a woman could ask to ensure that you have a second date would be, "Your place or mine?" :)

Don't overthink it Dixie. The rules we used back in the day don't really work anymore, at least not for me. Just be your genuine self.

Just saying; the natural inclination after introductions is finding something in common.

The only thing I know for sure about Women:

- "If they're interested they'll let you know".

Awww... Thank ya kindly for your encouragement. http://forums.pelicanparts.com/suppo...eys/Petals.gif

Just throwing this out there. The funniest pick-up attempt I ever encountered was with a homeless guy in the Walmart parking lot.

"Ma'am, do you have $5 to spare?"
"Sorry, I do not "
"Well, would you like to go on a date?"
"Ummm.... Shouldn't you have reversed the order of your questions?"

I didn't get married until age 32, which was about half a century ago now. I dated a lot of women and developed a philosophy which was: Do it for the fun of it, without bothering yourself with expectations. Another thing was to approach new relationships on a friendship basis. Those could be the reasons I didn't get married until late, but they worked out very well.

I was amicably divorced at 44, 15+ years ago now. I was a bit too eager at times just due to my own insecurity. Thinking I wasn't worthy, attractive, etc. I therefore ended up in a few relationships that either lasted too long or I shouldn't have been in. My only advice, take things slowly. I say that having been in situations when I was younger where I was probably moving things too fast. Before I met my wife in 2014, many women I met moved from 1st date to wanting a committed relationship too quickly. Scared me off of several. Be yourself, have fun, pay attention to yellow and red flags and best of luck.

I conquer and I've had much the same experience. My divorce happened when I was 37 (I'm now 58).

There's nothing wrong with a bit of fun but always be mindful of the other persons feelings.

You could do a deep dive on him. You know, FastPeopleSearch, Spokeo...

I was married for 23 years but I knew my ex-wife for more than 30 years. I adored that woman, but my marriage ended at the age of 60. My divorce was messy, long and expensive. I was very beat up mentally, emotionally and had no desire to ever get in any kind of relationship. There was no f'ing way. I was too hurt and broken hearted.

Five years ago, I was moved to a different plant where I worked. There was a woman who I can describe as a pasty white girl with a big mouth - we didn't exactly get along. Shortly after I arrived, I was tasked reviewing several members of the staff, including her - that didn't go well either.

Over time, we would talk professionally, and our interaction became less tense. One day, after an intense phone conversation with my ex-wife, I vented to her about the conversation which was about money and the cost of college. She gave me a strategy that worked for her and her ex. It was a light bulb moment for me, because I should have thought of it. It worked and I thanked her for it. That was a turning point in our relationship.

Now, I have never dated or had any desire to date women where I work so the thought of it was very troubling. And the thought of dating I wasn't feeling confident: I hate women, I will screw it up, I'm not putting my feelings at risk, too old - in short, I was overthinking all of this.

It took me a few months to ask her out. We stated as friends. She was divorced, single mom with one child and a grandmother of 3. Family was very important to her. I liked talking to her, met her family, she met mine. She is very kind to me. All I asked was express her feelings because I was going to share mine, because I don't like secrets or deception. We were friends for 2 years before we became a couple.

For the past 3 years, we have been together. I like this woman. We are quite the opposite, but she makes me a better person. I never thought this would happen. You don't get second chances very often. For a long tiime I was stuck and had to work thru my own thoughts.

There are no set schedules for life events. A person does things when they are ready - there is no rush, no judgment. You will know what is right for you. So, give it a go.

Today, when someone asks how we met, we joke about the pasty white girl comment.

All the best


.

I am just so haply married, the thought of dating gives me the willies. Blech.

I did not get married until I was 38, so I fished the ocean of women, and threw back a lot of rejects.

One bit of advice that I can give is find an hobby that truly interests you. Something like astronomy. Read about it, and find a local astronomy club, it will be full of men. Many will be married, but not all. If not astronomy, guns. Go to a local shooting range and see if there is a regular meeting, learn about guns and learn about the history, and maybe get into skeet shooting or target shooting. Model Airplanes, is another man rich group. Just find a hobby you truly enjoy, and if it is something men do, you will have guys fighting for your attention.

Don't expect to find many single men at home and garden shows or knitting stores.

All men would love to have a lady that really shares their hobby, and enjoys it with them. From fishing, motorcycles, or bow and arrow hobbies. If you hate guns, don't go to gun clubs. Pick a hobby that really interest you.

I dated for 10 years before getting married 10 years ago.
Fun, but not fun.
We all know what happens on the second date :D

I really enjoy reading everyone's posts. It's fun to read y'all's stories. Thank you for sharing.

Or...I dunno...maybe...Porsche club events?

Yeah...I got nuthin'.

A post I agree with...me too. Only married once, 48 years. So as far as advice? Got nuthin'.

Odds of him really liking her - 10%.

Odds of her really liking him - 10%

Odds of both - 1-2%.

Your numbers may differ, but it's still a small chance of success.

And even if you do find someone, a year later you might feel very differently once all the warts get exposed.

It's a discouraging path unless you learn to enjoy the 'event' regardless of the outcome.

Got nothing to add on how to approach dating but have you considered wearing 10mm socket ear rings ;)

Bet you'll have to beat off many very edible men that know how to take care of and know their way around a fine, sporty handling chassis :D

Best of luck with finding the right man for you

Yea, that too!

From the age of roughly 15, I watched my poor father (rest in peace) struggle to find love after he and my mother divorced. He married two more times and had a third woman that was more or less common law marriage for about 13 years prior to his death. She broke it off about 4 years before he died and it crushed him. Wives number 2 and 3 just broke him fiscally.

Here's what I learned from him in a nutshell: don't force it. Let it come to you. If it doesn't work out, don't sweat it because you are probably better off than forcing it.

He was always too gung ho and made quick trips to the alter. He'd take new acquaintances to the same places, same short trips to cities he liked, and was too quick to use the L word I'm sure.

One last thing I learned from him: don't poopoo where you eat and don't marry beneath you in profession or education. He broke both of those rules.

Got married when I was 27, divorced when I was 28, yeah, that didn't go well at all, like being on a long bad date that just got worse, rushed into it. Met a girl a year or so after my divorce, dated, I guess what we were doing is considered dating anyway, lived together a few years and then got married and have been married for 24 years now. Hasn't been easy, hasn't been perfect by any means, no relationship is. Never really went the "conventional" route when it came to dating in the past so, yeah, I don't have anything of value to contribute so I'll just shut up now. [emoji23]

Best wishes and good luck!!!

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One more thing: If you do get married a second or third time; just go to the JP. A full blown church event is a bit much, especially when 67% or seconds end in divorce and over 70% of thirds do as well.

Sort of like the rule against having a baby shower for your second, third, and forth child.

Got nothing since I’ve been happily married for 29 yrs.

I do however, highly recommend Captain Ahab’s advice.

Good luck in finding the man that is right for you.

Update from the OP, it's been 2 months since she's left. I kept everything, the house on 5 acres, my huge shop, and all my toys and tools inside.........so really, nothing has changed for me other than an empty lonely house. Without her, it's a house and not a home. sigh.

The last month I started drinking heavily to self medicate. I saw where that was going and I've totally stopped and went to the Dr to get some proper meds.

Online dating, one site is called Plenty of Fish. I "cast" out to the pool and see if anything nibbles. I'm not serious about dating right now though and I consider On-line Dating sites simple entertainment.

I'll survive. You guys are a great support group. - Dave


http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1697213153.jpg

You're still in transition-mode, Dave. Knowing that helps. Because things always have a way or working out - you just have to be patient and stay busy with things you enjoy.

For me it's working with my plants and motorcycles.

As far as future dating, etc. For me grocery stores are a target rich environment. Don't be a goon or pest, though. Women love guys who are smart, personable, clean (finger and toenails, clothes, hair, home), and confident.

Above all there has to be chemistry to make it happen. Without that why even bother? Both parties should feel the urge to ravage each other every time they get together.

BTW.....absent of any hunting aspect.....you'd be surprised how easy it is to get into a conversation with someone in a grocery store. Most people love to cook and enjoy having conversations about ingredients and technique.

For example....When someone is looking at all the varieties of honey......wondering what they should buy.....the old standby is always "Wildflower is always a good choice."

The soup aisle is my fav....who doesn't like soup?

Remember good men are in short supply so don't ever sell yourself short. And don't settle.

Mind over matter, Dave......SmileWavy

EDIT: Forgot the most important component.......respect for one another. Without that there is no point. Make sure you give enough reasons to get respect. That's a lot of ground to cover. Just get a subscription to "Men's Health"....they cover it all....:)

Hang in there Dave! And you too "Dixie" (is yer name really Dixie) .... LOL.

I would never date a woman named Yankee .... but we had to change our dang Fair name a couple years ago....

The Dixie Classic Fair .... ain't no mo' :(

And for all of you "looking" for a match .... that ain't never worked for me....

It seems to always happen totally by accident and I am always clueless as to how it actually happened :D

Headin' to the grocery store now Baz.... here's my grocery list:

Cucumbers :)

I've been married three times and that's enough. I'll admit having a boyfriend would be super nice, but I'd settle for dates that aren't FOS, broke, or both. Haha

Then again, I live in Florida, so yeah.... :)
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1697215532.jpg

Been 14 months since I lost my wife. Im not ready just yet, but thinking about dipping my toes in the water .
At first the loneliness slayed me, but I am getting used to that now, and actually somewhat enjoying being a free agent for a bit. I may just ride this train for a while and try to find myself again .
Its going to have to be a pretty special lady for me to think about sliding back into a ltr.
From what my single buddies tell me, its not pretty out there . Online dating feels like shopping for broken pick up trucks on marketplace

Man, best of luck to all of you who are looking for a companion.

Family calls me BobbiSue (or Bobbi)
Friends call me Dixie
But when I'm mad? I'm called hell on heels ;)

My real name is BobbiSue. I got tired of being called Bobbi Jo, Bobbi Mae, Bobbi Ann, Peggy Sue, Peggy May, Betty Ann... or Barbara, So Dixie it is.

Sometimes it is better to be alone, than alone-together.

I am one of the lucky ones . Out of HS started dating a girl at work . Two years later at the age of 20 I married her . It's been 45 years and counting with two fine sons and three grandchildren . If either of us had to start dating we would be lost . Good luck to all in the dating pool ......... watch out for the deep end 😋

https://youtu.be/TkA7xQb6uPk?si=iiIhwWIsWjyredRn

I love the name Dixie!!!

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Sorry, Fred. If it comes to the worst with Cindy's stroke, (Still in hospital, hopes for recovery, MD's labeling it mild) I'll be in the same boat as you. 48 years with the same woman, you become kind of attached, yeah you do. Just zero interest in any dating scene.
Also, deep down, if Cindy dies first, I probably won't last long anyway. That often happens with long married couples. One goes, the other soon follows. There is such a thing of dying because of a broken heart.