Except for the obvious reason they aren't, wakes can be

[Shaun @ Tru6]

joyful, interesting and create new bonds. The wake for my stepdad was last night and while there were plenty of tears, there was a lot of stories and laughter and the whole event was united and closer together in retelling the story of his life, from elementary school friends to long-tie coworkers and of course family.

Like in physics conservation of mass and energy, I've always believed in the conservation of the soul, something biologically unique to humanity. So there must be a next stage for our souls after death where we leave this world and move on to a new existence. For that reason alone, I've always thought of death as just the first step on a new adventure and have wished my friends and family well in their new beginning.

Last night we all got to hear how loved and cherished he was from friends as early as 3rd grade up through high school (many of his teachers came), work and 34 years with my mom. To Sam, I say thank you for the memories, being so great to my mom and godspeed on your new journey.

[masraum]

For my maternal grandfather and my father, we had something more like a wake than a funeral. The key was that we waited several months after the deaths to have a memorial. By that time the worst of the grief had been tempered a bit. It was much less sad and more positive experience for everyone. And since our family is spread out, it gives folks more time to plan to meet.

[Baz]

I think the adjective "Bittersweet" would apply here.

Thanks, Shaun and sincerest condolences on your loss, my brother.....

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by masraum

For my maternal grandfather and my father, we had something more like a wake than a funeral. The key was that we waited several months after the deaths to have a memorial. By that time the worst of the grief had been tempered a bit. It was much less sad and more positive experience for everyone. And since our family is spread out, it gives folks more time to plan to meet.

That sounds really nice Steve.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by Baz

I think the adjective "Bittersweet" would apply here.

Thanks, Shaun and sincerest condolences on your loss, my brother.....

Thank you Baz, I reallty appreciate it!

[oldE]

Shaun, tears and laughter are the way life goes on. I wouldn't like to think about the kind of life that didn't elicit either. That so many gathered and shared so much speaks well of your step father and your family.

Best
Les

[id10t]

“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man



May his memory be a blessing for you Shaun

[flatbutt]

First of all Shaun my condolences on the loss of someone whose life obviously held meaning to you. I agree with you that there must be room for celebrating the life as much as the loss of it, maybe more celebration than mourning.

To that end I've told my kids that if they choose to hold any type of gathering for me it should take place after my ashes have been scattered and the party itself must be a good old fashioned kegger. And if the police don't get called at least once my spirit shall not rest easy.

RIP Sam.

[Jeff Higgins]

"His troubles are over."

I went to my share of real, bonafide Irish wakes growing up. I never really understood that phrase until I got older. Heard it from many people, at every wake. I'm sure it originates with the extremely hard life many suffered in Ireland in previous centuries.

As negative as it sounds, though, it does harken a new beginning. And that really is the spirit of the traditional wake, celebrating a new, better beginning for a lost loved one.

[oldE]

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but one of the greatest honors I have had was to take part in a true "celebration of life ".
I had checked with the Bistro to assure them I would be in at the usual time and was advised there was a booking for a party of more than 20. Since it was March break, I guessed it might be teachers and anticipated an evening of playing background music.
Instead, the large group who had booked was a coming together of relations of a local fellow who had died. There were four generations, some came from across the country. At first things went as I had anticipated, but after a while, little ones grew restless and some parents found some space in which to dance with their child. I responded with some children's songs and things took off from there. I can't remember half of what I sang that evening but remember the feeling when I did "Wish You Were Here ". It was a special time.
When it is my time, I really don't care what people say about me. I would like them to get together, support each other and maybe listen to a few of my songs.
Best
Les

[Zeke]

Different parts of my family tree treat death differently. The ones from the South like a traditional funeral. The ones from CA prefer to wait and have a 'memorial'. IDK what an actual "wake" is. But no one has ever had a party or taken it lightly.

Personally I hope to never attend another funeral. I don't want to attend anything that has to do with someone's passing.

[monoflo]

The after death "celebration of life" can give a lot of closure to friends and family.

Im sure my wife would have wanted people to get together -celebrate -share community as it were -which is pretty much exactly what happened. I think for my grown children it gave a perspective as to what a wonderful person their mother was - involved in the community -always thinking beyond herself. People from all phases of her life told stories and shared adventures.

These things give people a chance to celebrate how wonderful a life was -not just mourn its passing. the quiet when these things ( -wakes-celebrations ) are over is indeed deafening.

[911 Rod]

Sorry for your loss Shaun.
Personally I have always felt good after a wake. Remembering a lost one can bring back more happy memories than sad.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Thank you Rod, and everyone on the thread for posting such thoughtful and thought-provoking comments.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

While "my" family SUCKS at funerals, I have been lucky to attend my friend's /parent's funerals.

My family has it's strengths, don't get me wrong, but seeing other people's funerals inspires me to what is possible.

As sad as these events are, there are opportunities.

When my best friend's mom died, he stood confidently in front of a group of 100+ people and shared a story of his mom, fungoing, stopping with her best friend by a lake in Maine, dropping pants, and skinny dipping on a cold Maine morning.

Who does that? Not my friend's perfect mom!

Makes me smile. Anne Marie. Perfect old mom. Lighthearted. 4 foot tall. Needleknitting. Skinnydipper?

In early Spring Maine

[KFC911]

Nice tribute Shaun ... and others too! Everyone is different tho... and I'm with Zeke on this one... formal, stuffy, southern traditionals ... I just hate 'em .

Does Flatbutt II have my contact info ?

[porsche tech]

Earth is our temporary home. Funerals and celebrations of life can be very uplifting when you have the assurance that your loved one will be spending eternity in heaven. Eternity is a long time.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by KC911

Nice tribute Shaun ... and others too! Everyone is different tho... and I'm with Zeke on this one... formal, stuffy, southern traditionals ... I just hate 'em .

Does Flatbutt II have my contact info ?

All Pelicans are invited!!

[jcommin]

May his memory be eternal.

[Superman]

I'm getting tired of going to memorials. I notice that they are held at a time and place that prevents the subject from attending. We think about them and perhaps prepare remarks, and this makes us wish we could give those remarks directly to them. We wish we had said them when they were still alive, and we wish we had spent at least just a little more time with them.

These are my takeaways and also my advice. I plan to recognize and express appreciation to people, directly, while I still have the chance.