I got into a conversation with a good friend about narcissism.

[vash]

like all mental things, there are levels of it. my mom has several traits. we started talking about friendships. I've been bothered by one of mine for awhile.

my friend told me he has several "friends" with it and it took awhile to notice. it got me thinking about my own circle of people. there is one standout. one guy I fish with, laugh with and despite all of it, I dont feel any connection..no closeness.. realizations set in.. conversations are only halfway. example, if he went fishing and caught fish, I start up asking questions, engaging with him. what did it bite on? where were you? WAS IT EXCITING??.

recently I called him and told him I finally went ocean fishing. NOTHING. I think I got a "no way, not me". and he started telling me his stuff. I used to think he was simply one-upping me all the time. he never asked me a single question about my day..was it scary? fun? am I going to do it again?

lack of empathy.
grandiose thinking.
can deal it out, but cant take it.
bad with criticism.
blown up self importance, entitlement,
demands adoration and accolades.

hahah..I was feeding my fishing buddy a huge dose of it..what he needed.

I'm happy he is afraid off the ocean . I thought it was me, tainting that friendship.

my good friend that helped me talk thru it is meeting me in Tokyo. it will be a blast and we both felt it will be a good reminder what a healthy friendship looks and feels like. we are both excited to meet each others wives. they have met, but only 10 feet apart while wearing covid masks. hardly an introduction. I need to meet his wife, I plan on surfing his couch in MN, doing some smallmouth fishing next year.

I woke up this morning thinking about this. thanks for the rant. it is no surprise my childhood didnt give me the tools to self reflect - I had to work that all out by myself.

[911 Rod]

I have a very close friend that when you are telling him something he is looking straight through just waiting so he can tell you his story. Sad really.

[Dantilla]

In my experience, the narcissist will never admit to making a mistake.
In their mind, they never have made a mistake.
They are always right, and everybody else is wrong. If you disagree with them, you are stupid.

[IROC]

My ex-wife. I have 20+ years of experience with a narcissist. Shockingly I didn't put 2 and 2 together until our therapist (marriage counselor) dropped the bomb on me in a one-on-one session right before we got divorced. Now it is all crystal clear.

[vash]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

I have a very close friend that when you are telling him something he is looking straight through just waiting so he can tell you his story. Sad really.

I was 10 years old when I watched and noticed my mom doing this to her friends. you describe it beautifully. her friends were amazing. warm, loving...

[aschen]

Definately know several people like this.

The worst offender I know was also very charismatic about these ways. In small doses it seemed charming. He used it to great effect in the work environment, but people that worked with him longer term knew he was largely FOS

[speeder]

Originally Posted by Dantilla

In my experience, the narcissist will never admit to making a mistake.
In their mind, they never have made a mistake.
They are always right, and everybody else is wrong. If you disagree with them, you are stupid.

Narcissism, like all personality disorders, exists in various people in various degrees. It can be problematic to make wide, generalized statements about people because people are complicated...someone can have good qualities as well as bad ones. In fact, that describes everyone on earth unless they are a saint.

Both of my parents were narcissists but not at all similar in other ways. My mom was also extremely empathetic and caring about others and my dad was generous and a great guy some of the time but not all of the time. Both were great conversationalists as long as they thought someone was worthy of talking to. My mom was more of an equal opportunity person who assumed the best about people until they proved otherwise but both of them had zero tolerance for cruelty or stupidity, which often go together. My mom was what people would refer to as a good Catholic and my dad was an "in your face" sinner but also the least hypocritical person who ever lived, at least according to someone eulogizing him at his memorial.

I have narcissistic qualities but I also know that I have serious flaws...I don't think that I'm anywhere within 100 miles of being perfect. I also know that narcissism can be draining and unpleasant to be around. It's something to recognize and work on within one's self because trust me, you can't work on it in others.

[BK911]

Originally Posted by IROC

My ex-wife. I have 20+ years of experience with a narcissist. Shockingly I didn't put 2 and 2 together until our therapist (marriage counselor) dropped the bomb on me in a one-on-one session right before we got divorced. Now it is all crystal clear.

Let me guess....
You're right and the X is wrong?

[onewhippedpuppy]

I have two BILs that are textbook, really don’t like hanging out with either. Nothing with them is ever “real”, they never show any vulnerability and nothing is ever wrong in their lives. It’s topical, nothing ever goes lower than the superficial and what they want you to see. And of course they are expert one-uppers, especially the one who has some money that he likes to throw around. Whatever, life is too short to hang out with people like that.

[1990C4S]

The primary sign I see: Narcissists have to be the hero or the victim. There are no other conceivable realities for them.

I remove them from my personal life, and try to see the humor of their self-infatuation in my work life.

Being disengaged, or not interested in other people's lives can also be introversion, or social awkwardness, so you need some more evidence.

[vash]

Originally Posted by speeder

Narcissism, like all personality disorders, exists in various people in various degrees. It can be problematic to make wide, generalized statements about people because people are complicated...someone can have good qualities as well as bad ones. In fact, that describes everyone on earth unless they are a saint.

Both of my parents were narcissists but not at all similar in other ways. My mom was also extremely empathetic and caring about others and my dad was generous and a great guy some of the time but not all of the time. Both were great conversationalists as long as they thought someone was worthy of talking to. My mom was more of an equal opportunity person who assumed the best about people until they proved otherwise but both of them had zero tolerance for cruelty or stupidity, which often go together. My mom was what people would refer to as a good Catholic and my dad was an "in your face" sinner but also the least hypocritical person who ever lived, at least according to someone eulogizing him at his memorial.

I have narcissistic qualities but I also know that I have serious flaws...I don't think that I'm anywhere within 100 miles of being perfect. I also know that narcissism can be draining and unpleasant to be around. It's something to recognize and work on within one's self because trust me, you can't work on it in others.

100%. there are a few here on this forum. lovely people, tho

[KFC911]

Threads seem to always become about me ... it's a gift

[911 Rod]

Originally Posted by KFC911

Threads seem to always become about me ... it's a gift

That's funny right there!!!

[pavulon]

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by KFC911

Threads seem to always become about me ... it's a gift

That’s the cross you bear for being so damned interesting!

[Steve Carlton]

I hate narcissists, so I guess things even out in a way.

I googled famous malignant narcissists and Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini came up. Saddam Hussein, Mao Zedong, and Gamal Abdel Nasser came up as less severe examples. Mussolini seemed to capture my image of it the best, with his mannerisms.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Originally Posted by herr_oberst

Dang, I see me in so much of this paragraph. I wonder if it's too late to change my selfish ways!

I deleted my original post, afraid he would see it. Even though I don't think he is on these forums. Then I realized it was here anyway, and more importantly, it's probably something I should just sit down and talk with him about rather than avoiding. He does have a good heart.

[Steve Carlton]

I guess there's 8 types.

https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/eight-types-narcissists

[herr_oberst]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

I deleted my original post, afraid he would see it. Even though I don't think he is on these forums. Then I realized it was here anyway, and more importantly, it's probably something I should just sit down and talk with him about rather than avoiding. He does have a good heart.

I'll delete mine too. Just on the off chance that it can avoid future problems.

[Steve Carlton]

Perhaps we should add Paranoia to this discussion...