Do you visit the dead? Or put up memorials?

[masraum]

I assume this is mostly cultural and/or familial. Some cultures seem to memorialize the dead more than others. And I think some families/individuals want/need a physical place for the dead, and I think some folks visit the dead more. I see it on TV and in the movies, people talking to loved ones or friends at grave sites, but my family has never done it. Maybe it's because we traveled (dad was in the military) and our family moved around over the years. Dad's family came from Ohio area and had little contact with the family that stayed. The other grandparents moved from FL to GA, and granny is now back in FL. And I think most of our family was cremated. So for us to visit would generally require a long trip or plane flight.

Here in Texas, something that I see a lot are roadside memorials from where folks have been, I assume, hit by cars. You see them on the Interstate, and other roads, including bicycles painted white in the city.

I can see how it might be comforting to have a physical place to go. I also don't ever "talk to" anyone that's passed. I think about them.

I don't have a problem with any of the practices. I'm just curious.

[GH85Carrera]

My parents and grandparents and several aunts and other relatives are in a graveyard a few miles from my house. I never go there to visit. They are dead. Standing next to their graves does not let them hear me anymore than sitting in my office chair, and I sure will never get a response.

I do think of them often and wish I could ask a question, or show them something. They were wonderful parents. I never once wondered if I was going to be fed, or have a warm bed to sleep in. I do miss them.

[pwd72s]

Not vocalize, but mentally, I talk to people who have passed...

[masraum]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

I do think of them often and wish I could ask a question, or show them something. They were wonderful parents. I never once wondered if I was going to be fed, or have a warm bed to sleep in. I do miss them.

My mom and her mother are still around (Granny will be 100 Dec 26. She's ready to go though). But otherwise, same. I think about my dad and other relatives and wish I could share something or ask them something or just visit one more time.

[masraum]

Bummer, I'd meant to make the poll "multiple choice". I don't think I can edit it now.

[Bill Douglas]

In Rarotonga (Samoa, Fiji area) they have large white tiled concrete structures over graves on their front lawns. And are often out there polishing the tiles and I guess telling their deceased relatives they love them.

[masraum]

I see a lot of this sort of thing. I don't think I would want/need the extra reminder, but like I said, it's a personal thing. I don't begrudge anyone else's desire or need for this sort of thing.

[look 171]

visiting the dead or having a memorial is for the living. Most family on my mother's side are here in socal, but we are not close and never visit but attend funerals. We do visit my father's grave site few times a year. We are not religious but I catch my mom talking to my dad at the grave site whenever we visit. I almost talk out loud, only from within and yet not much to say.

I always thought the road side memorials are a Latin American thing?

[Bill Douglas]

In NZ we have a lot of those crosses on sweeping corners, sharp corners... And I always think "Good tires, but certainly not great tires."

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

In Rarotonga (Samoa, Fiji area) they have large white tiled concrete structures over graves on their front lawns. And are often out there polishing the tiles and I guess telling their deceased relatives they love them.

Interesting about them being in the yard. I don't think that's been a thing here for a long time. I know that there are rural places where there are small family gravesites that were just on their own property, and may be one grave or several. But that's when there probably wasn't an organized cemetery close by, and the folks had "property".

[javadog]

I think about people that are no longer with us. I've visited my parents graves and someday I may make a pilgrimage to a private cemetery in a small-ish town that holds many of my family's more distant ancestors.

Not a fan of the roadside memorials, which seem pointless to me in that that's not where the bodies are buried, so to speak, and those particular sites can hold nothing but bad memories. I assume it's primarily a Latino thing, as the growing number of them reflects the increase in Latin populations in this country. Maybe some of the younger generation are doing this too, I have no idea.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by javadog

Not a fan of the roadside memorials, which seem pointless to me in that that's not where the bodies are buried, so to speak, and those particular sites can hold nothing but bad memories. I assume it's primarily a Latino thing

That's inline with my feeling. I wouldn't want the reminder of the significance of the location, and I've also thought that it was a Latino thing.

I think that Asian and Latino cultures have more (continued/current) focus on ancestors than others.

[cantdrv55]

Yes we go to the cemetery to visit loved ones who’ve moved on.

[Paul T]

I think about loved ones who have passed very, very regularly, but I don’t think I’ve ever visited a gravesite post funeral….

[javadog]

More than I ever knew about these roadside memorials:

https://blogs.loc.gov/law/2023/10/descansos-roadside-memorials/

[onewhippedpuppy]

Nah, I just buy stick on letters at Walmart and memorialize them on the back window of my pickup.

I was very close with my grandparents, but I’ve never gone to visit their graves post-funeral. My parents just want to be cremated when they die, no memorial service or grave. Sort of weird to think that someday they’ll be gone without a trace from this earth. Though generally speaking so will all of us.

[Paul T]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Nah, I just buy stick on letters at Walmart and memorialize them on the back window of my pickup.

I was very close with my grandparents, but I’ve never gone to visit their graves post-funeral. My parents just want to be cremated when they die, no memorial service or grave. Sort of weird to think that someday they’ll be gone without a trace from this earth. Though generally speaking so will all of us.

Yup. 100 yrs from now traces of us will barely exist…..and not many will care.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by Paul T

Yup. 100 yrs from now traces of us will barely exist…..and not many will care.

Two generations, if we’re lucky. That’s how long we’ll be remembered and missed. Certainly puts things into perspective.

[A930Rocket]

Our side of the family is small, and my parents have passed, Mom a couple years ago and Dad four years ago. They aren’t far away, six hours, but I have not visited. I do think of them and my best friend from high school, who passed away nine years ago.

I see the white painted bicycles around town and sometimes a small white cross with memorial around town.

If you’re on I 26 between Charleston and Columbia, you see a lot of crosses, where I assume people have driven off the road and hit the pine trees. Recently, they have been taking down those pine trees, filling it in and installing heavy cables to prevent crossover.

About 100 years ago or more, didn’t people visit cemeteries and bring food with them to visit the departed?

[afterburn 549]

Ecclesiastes 9:5 The dead know nothing.
The Bible verse that states "the dead know nothing" is found in Ecclesiastes 9:5, which explains that the living are aware of their mortality, but the dead have no knowledge or reward, and their memories are forgotten. This verse emphasizes the finality of death and the absence of awareness in the state of being dead.
End.
In context
(Awaiting the resurrection.)