ever owned an English car? Here ya go.

[targa911S]

Lucas Electrical
Actual quote from Joe Lucas:"A Gentleman does not motor about after dark"


Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected
darkness."


Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.


Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.


The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch
settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.


The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.


"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...


If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.


Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.


It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.


Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the
owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look
the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"


Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't
suck.


Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble
with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.


Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.


Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light
Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.


Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the
position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your
car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."


Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.


Lucas Recommended Fuse replacement scheme:

[MAS]

hehe... Actually, as a onetime MG owner (69 MGB-GT), I can honestly say that I've had more electrical problems with my two Porsches than my old MG.

-MAS

[MAS]

... and the Smiths instruments are no worse than our VDO's either. Of course, that's not saying much

-MAS

[targa911S]

those Smith heaters work well too! Had one in my Mini S ( a real one) and it worked great as long as you had a blanket in the car too!

[Hugh R]

Everything that falls off of a British car is of the highest quality!!

[Jdub]

Sodding rubbish! Tripe 'n Chips served in Fleet Street's penny dreadfuls!

I've owned several Norton Commandos, a '69 MGB, a Triumph TR4 and a TR6, plus a Triton. They are basic to the point of crudity, but without a doubt taught me the basics on car repair and restoration, plus they held up darn well to boot.

And you know that post about "Everyone hates me since I bought a Pcar?" Well that kind of nonsense never happens when you're driving a Brit car -- folks always give you the thumb's up and wax nostalgic about the they owned when they were young.

John

[FrdzRed]

Had a '65 Spitfire Mark IV in the early 80's. Parts were scarce and expensive. It had a positive ground battery...........why?
The transmission tunnel was pressboard........actually it was more like heavy cardboard. Had to re-sync the carbs everytime I went around the block. The frame sagged so much the doors wouldn't close without slamming them.

I've got to say that's one car I won't miss.

[John Brandt]

I'm laughing,

but I have way more problems with the Bosch stuff than I've ever had with Lucas.

...and am I really hearing a 911 owner making fun of somebody's car heater?


You'll all be hangin' from the highest yard arm in the British Fleet!

[Tim Walsh]

HAHA!! that had me cracking up. Good stuff and makes me glad I own a german car, even if the electricals are just as bad.

[Bones]

Excuse me chaps ...er..... isn't this frightfully off topic and frankly it's spoilng a nights Badger baiting!

[targa911S]

I knew everybody would like this. Seems a lot of us owned them before we discovered German engineering. I agree that they were very basic cars and that they really were the cars that taught me how to work on cars along with the lovable old beetle. As i learned more the beetle just made more sense and seemed to be made more logically ....you can see now what that lead to. I had a string of them , couple of bug eyes, a MGB, Mk III Sprite, MGBGT..and Mini Cooper S, actually I wish I still had them all, along with the 6 or so beetles.

[JeremyD]

I had a Triumph Spitfire Mark IV - that was my first car. It ran great until I popped a valve thru a piston chasing two girls in a camero. Had a TR-7 that was a beauty - but I can't tell you how many times I pushed that car home - it would die randomly.

I used to go parking in that car too - now I realize why I had an affinity towards short women...

[david914]

ROFL!!! That made my day! I have had more problems with our Land Rover in the short time that we've owned it than all the years that I've had my 911. Unbelievable. Makes me appreciate my Porsche even more.

[Jack Olsen]

Odd as it might sound, my Jaguar now has reliable Nippondenso electronics, while the latest models of 911 use some Lucas components.

[Jared at Pelican Parts]

Girl I knew in high school had a TR-8. This is the WORST car ever made. I was always working on it. (never underestimate the stupidity of 17 year old males with mechanical experience against a good looking blonde batting her eyes and asking you to fix her car) The head gasket blew on it, warping the head, it leaked il like a sieve, and had these worthless Stromberg carbs that would go out of adjustment over every bump, no joke. I never even more than a hug for all that work either.....

[wevoid]

You have never experienced an auto electric Poltergeist until you have owned an Italian car……..

Regards

Hayden

[JeremyD]

Amen Hayden - had an Alfa Romeo too - You also had to be a mutant to work on it short arms, but with long spindly fingers to reach anything. I had to drive that car with my shoes off because of my big feet (hey the wife's not complaining!) I would ended up hitting two pedals at a time!

[nigel911]

Broken down at the side of a very thin English country lane, in the pitch black, raining, the middle of the night, during a freezing January. And all because the lights on my Mini have packed in again - aah, happy memories of my first motorized money-pit (4 wheeled one anyhow). Don't get me started on the heater...

[TRE Cup]

I am a real masochist: owned 4 Cooper S's over the years. All "entertained" me with various electrical maladies. Even when i rewired one completely, some of the left over Lucas parts took their revenge on me for trying to make it reliable
fun lil buggers though- my bmw Cooper S doesn't have the original's soul (but sure is a whole lot more reliable and faster!)

[Hetmann]

I had a girlfriend with a TR-8. When you pushed in the cigarette lighter both headlights would go up and down erratically. Fun car, but full of surprises. Never trusted it for a long trip.