Best OT thread ever. Well maybe grid girls is better. Don't forget a chainsaw for that close in work when dealing with multiple zombies.

Sounds like a Zombie Jamboree.

if i become a zombie, you guys know what to do........

See, I knew there's a reason I went on Atkins and dropped fifty pounds. Zombies are coming. I've had this thought too. But I want to bring the fight to them, not hole up in some bunker.

Places of interest to Zombies would be where humans congregate. Malls, grocery stores, airports, subways, the ever-popular zombie-laden post office, and of course, for the **** of it, Starbucks...

My weapons of choice: Personally, I like an AR-15 (is that what are troops are using now?) with a grenade launcher, a mini-type machine gun, a sawed-off twelve gauge sticking out of my backpack full of shells and x-tra grenades, and for sweet up close and personals, a thigh-holstered snub-nose .357.

You also need your Zombie sniffing dog. Some mongrel that's about 200 pounds. I figure his name will be Tex, Tugboat or Blood. Over the weekend I got the lowdown on Neopolitan Mastiffs - I was told they are definitely one-person dogs that don't really like other people or animals. Hmmm...sounds good 'nuff for me. Or maybe one can train a wolf. A hyena perhaps?

Okay, vehicle: ever see "Sorcerer." That truck Roy Scheider drove in the movie with all the lights - that'll do. Or a real military issue HumVee. Or a Unimog.

Residence: in Malibu, high atop a hill, there's a castle - a real castle. Techweenie knows where it is, I bet. Anyway, put some movement-guided machine guns up there in the turrets, sit back with a martini and cigar, and it'll be like kicking it under the bug zapper - only now, you hear "whir-clatter-clatter-clatter-clatter-whir-clatter-clatter-clatter-clatter-whir-clatter-clatter-clatter-clatter..." :D

Okay. Here's why it would need to be a country club.

- Usually far away from heavily populated areas. More people = more zombies

- Large, open area surrounding building (golf course, duh). If you have to get out and run around, the open area works to your advantage; no narrow passageways that hold surprises, little chance of anything sneaking up on you.

- Stockpiles: believe me, every country club that has a restaurant is VERY well-stocked with food and beverage.

- Dining room: Lots of big tables means lots of wood to erect barricades.

-Roof: most country clubs are one- or two-stories. Zombies can't climb. The roofs are low enough that you are close enough to a zombie to kill it without having to be an expert marksman. Not only that, but country club roofs are usually flat, so a hellicopter can land there.

- Large Parking lot. May not seem important, but what if you have to make a quick escape, and the zombies are all concentrated within one area? Go around the lot, and get out some other way.

- Activities to pass the time; if you are safe and barricaded inside, while someone else is on watch, it can get pretty boring. Most clubs have card tables, pool tables, etc... and if there are no zombies to be seen for miles, you can go swimming or play tennis.

Anyone care to disagree with the country club as the perfect anti-zombie fortress?

Yeah, but you're out in the middle of nowhere. Don't you want to blow some undead heads off? :confused:

Zombies eat brains right? One of those rubber Homer Simpson masks should save you. Or I might be fine, as is.

OK, so what does it take to put a zombie completely out of commission?

I'm thinking a single round (even a headshot) won't do it. Even with a large-calibre round. You've got hundreds of these things coming at you, so you don't want to spend time doing the Bill Drill on every zombie. So you're stuck with a shotgun, which means lots of space/weight for ammunition. And major fatigue, lugging a heavy gun and absorbing the recoil on every shot fired (I typically use a 12-ga magnum load, 00 buck, myself). Plus it's farking loud and that's a fatigue factor in and of itself.

That's why I say you've got to wade in there and get your hands dirty. Use a long edged weapon. Keep it nice and sharp so when the day comes you can zip thru those beasties like you're cutting the grass. Have a buddy who's a crack shot on backup to plug anything that gets out of hand. Wear skintights plus some body armor to avoid getting snagged on anything or grabbed and reeled in. And train train train.

I'm off, back to the dojo!!!!

I'm thinking one of those big farm machines that has a huge roll of blades on the front is in order. Once a week lure them into a stadium or a Disney-sized parking lot and go to town. 3 or 4 machines, w/ about 6 people (besides the driver) to take care of any "hangers-on" that want to climb up...

Or like that b!tchin' ride Ash built in Army of Darkness.

Just don't swerve to miss Evil B!tch.

according to Romero, one headshot will do it. Kill the brain, kill the zombie.

I do agree with the idea of using a katana, however. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELOAD A BLADE.

Guess it depends on whose zombies you're killing. Some required complete disassembly. I vote for Romero's zombies, then. :D

I think the first thing to find out is what the zombies want. If they want to turn you into a zombie, that's different than just wanting to feed on your brain (ask me how i know).

Once that is determined, you have to round them up into one place. You have to herd them into a main area and then start killing them wholesale.

If they're like the zombies in Resident Evil, you can kill them by snapping thier necks. No other method works, but if that hottie from the movie can do it, it should be easy for the rest of us.

If fire kills them, then no problem, just napalm them.

I remember the classic Simpson's episode where Homer killed the zombie Flanders and then asked "Flanders is a zombie?"

I'm partial to pitbulls, but what if the dog turns into a zombie. I 200 lb zombie mastiff would not be the easiest thing to get rid of.

I like the Kali system (Filipino martial art) a bit better for zombie defense. Two short swords (about 22-24") that are wielded in each hand. Allows you to cut in two different directions.

When kata are performed, it looks something like human cuisinart.
It slices, dices, and juliannes!

[EDIT] Musashi did the same thing, so BSJ probably has a trick or two up his sleeve for two swords, Nipponese style. Kali is just what I know.

This is called a combine, and is a great idea! The corn attachment for those things looks wicked!

This scenario would be even better if it were actually at Disneyland.

Actually if my ryu has any two-sword techniques I haven't learned them yet. Or even seen them. But I'm a lowly grub in the hierarchy.

We do learn the proper method for splitting a steel helmet, though ("kabutowari"). :D

that's the one! Combine, it was on the tip of my tongue. Now we just have to re-route that chute that spits out the refuse to ground level. There's no need to splash all over the place with that mess.

Yes, Disney lot would be quite the location. :D

I say we take a combine to Disney right now and kill all the zombies that are already there!!!