Worst Driver Ever: Update

[Schrup]

I like your perspective Bill. I have already removed the music from her car, & she doesn't have a cell phone. She has since come home with a new dent. So, I think I will ban her friends from riding with her for the next 4 months as long as she doesn't come home with anymore (car)nage. As much as I would like to take the keys from her, I need to to come up with a fair plan & I'm thinking the two week progressive suspension is good because it puts the ball back in her court. I will tell her to take pics of all the damages, so that when something new appears she can prove it was already there. The car is her's & after the first huge dent, I don't give a rats ass about the car, but I do care about her safety, the safety of others & my insurance.

[bluebullet]

she doesnt look like she appreciates having a car. Take it from her and let it be a lesson.

I begged my dad for the first day of the senior year of high school to take the truck to school. So he let me..and what did I do? I backed into someone cuse I had a school bus coming at me down a two way street that turned into a one way because people park on both sides after school. The bus almost hit me, and in an attempt to get out of its way, I back around a corner, watching everything, only to hit this woman who literally parked her car halfway into the bushes (they were hanging over the passenger side of the car...you could not get in even if you tried). The only way I won that was she was parked in a no parking zone, and my lawyer handled that. My dad was still furious about it all though. I got the 924 6 months later, and drove that the remainder of the year and treated it like gold (I didnt know anything about that car then..and from what I know now, thank god I still dont have it LOL)

I watch how I drive now, and latley Ive watched a lot of people pull really stupid **** in their cars, cell phones, drinks what not. And some people just make you wonder how they even passed the test...

[azasadny]

Take the car away before she gets hurt or hurts someone else. Does she pay for the damage repairs, insurance?

[widebody911]

Take away the car at least for the time it takes her to cough up the cash to fix what she's done so far. Better yet - take the license, so she doesn't pull the same crap in someone else's car.

On the plus side, we've found a WMD...

[mikester]

I don't understand why you have to befair. Life isn't fair and the sooner she learns this the better. My dad didn't make it a habit of being fair to me and I don't recall ever holding it against him.

[cstreit]

Paul,

I'd be concerned that if she's that inattentive backing up and maneuvering at lower speeds, think of the consequnces of the same inattention on the highway... It's not like this is a one time thing, it seems pretty constant.

What would I do?

1. No more nice cars. - 76 Corolla sounds good to me.
2. She breaks it, She pays to fix it. (making the '76 a better idea)
3. Any damage results in a "break" from the car for a few weeks.

It's not just the money dude, it's the danger.

[arcsine]

I thought it was illegal in Washington State for a 16 year old to drive with anyone in the car other than family.

As I see it she does not respect the car nor the responsibility she has while driving one. It is simply a tool she uses to get around. Until she incuurs some ramification due to her lack of respect, in a manner that she cares about, her attitude and actions will not change, EVER.

The big thing is to find out what she does care about losing. Could be money or access to the car or ability to carry friends around or something else. You mention losing the car would mean a revolt which means that is something she cares about. Regardless you are faced with a situation that if not checked soon will lead to more of the same.

As an aside, when I lived in T-town, my best friend had a 16 year old younger sister who acted much like your girl. Completely destroyed about a car a year. She did the "You don't love me" thing and pitched a fit everytime she did something wrong and the folks called her on it. She never took responsibility for any of the damage done to the cars nor could explain where money was going. Ended up with random boyfriends, children and drug habits. Now at age 40 still has Mom and Dad paying bills and fixing cars. Not saying this is where you are going but something to put the fear of God into all us parents.

I hope you come to a good resolution on this.

[Superman]

I've met this girl and (I hope you'll excuse me, Paul) she strikes me as the quitessential teenaged girl. That is, her CPU is simply not energized. The switch is in the "OFF" position. I suspect that Paul (or any other father of a teenaged girl) will agree. I noticed that she seems to have a particular focus, and that the information she receives on other topics are unwanted distractions. For example, she might want to go hang with her friends. With this agenda she is prepared to accept information about how to move forward with her social plans, but not prepared to accept information about other topics like money, school, driving safety, or any other. Again, this is a normal thinking pattern for a teenaged girl. Teenaged boys are GENIUSES by comparison.

My advice? Run away screaming. If that remedy is not feasible, then learn to pray. Y'know, I wonder.... Perhaps you might make a trip to Harbor Freight for the dolly kit and some other body/paint tools, and set up some appointments with her. She can wear her grubbies and learn how to repair automobile dents. Repairing automobile dents is not that much fun, so imagine combining that with quality time with Dad in the driveway, in full view of the neighborhood.

Naw, that's not a solution. but I kinda like the 2-week car removal, doubling each time. Have a meeting each time permission to socialize is sought. Gather info about where she's going, who se'll be with, when she'll return....and include a discussion about driving and attentiveness.

Oh, and I imagine you may have already advised her that beauty is inversely proportional to makeup usage. Again, no disrespect. She's a lovely girl and should know that her beauty is really hers...that it does not come from a bottle.

At any rate, I feel for ya, buddy. BTDT. For those of you who are not experienced in this area, here's a data point: Ever felt frustrated trying to deal with the emotions and agendas and absence of logic of an adult female? Yeah, I thought so. Well, adult females are a snap, a breeze, compared to teenaged ones. No comparison at all. In fact, adult females have AT LEAST as much trouble dealing with teenaged girls as adult males.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Paul.

[widebody911]

I guess now is as good a time as any to tell her she's adopted, and run!

[Schrup]

Well after taking in the good advise on this board (thanks) as well as talking to my wife & her mother (ex), I have decided to put serious restrictions on her driving habits to include: no more friends in the car, she only drives the car to school on late arrival days, to her moms, & any dance classes or activities I deem beneficial. I may let her drive to friends in the local area occasionally. These remaining privileges are for my convenience, so I don't have to play taxi.

I'm telling her that if she comes home with so much as a new scratch, the car's gone for 3 months, which will be tripled each time there after .

Basically I'm looking for an excuse to take the car till she's 18 & drop her from my insurance. I don't have a problem with being an Ahole, but there is some history that makes me want to be as fair as possible. When I present her with this I will warn her that I want to take it away till she's 18 & will give her 1 more chance, if she so much as snivels, I will lower the boom & once it's gone, it's gone for good (till she's 18) along with her license.

[smoak]

Paul,

I think you have made some wise decisions in this matter. These are not as easy as some have expressed and there are always issues within a child's history that cause different parental reactions in a given situation. The no phone, no music, no friends issue should help some, but bottom line, until she decides its acually important to be attentive while she is driving, low speed or high, then the problem will remain. Dealing with this issue as you have I think will go a long way helping the greater issue of parenting this child. Good job and hang in there man.

[ronb]

I've been at Skip Barber car handling courses a few times, as has my wife; each time there were teenaged girls in the car handling courses with the rest of us; they were there because their dads were in equal panic about their daughters terrible driving habits.

By the end of each course (3 separate ones) each of the girls (I think in total 6 different teenaged girls) was a far better driver then when they started; 2 of them had to pay for the course on their own as a condition of keeping their driving permission. They all realized when they were done, how much potential damage they could have done. $400.00 for the day. If you have a similar school nearby, it's worth it.

And they were all equally teenaged goth girls & etc...clearly a bit checked out / super privledged / entitlement issues, etc...but by the end, they were all reasonably humble, and grateful to their parents for caring enough to give them one last chance with the tools to explain why what they had been doing was dangerous and stupid, ie so now they knew how to begin to drive.

[pwd72s]

One advantage to being an old fart. The formerly teenage daughter is now 34, working on her 2nd hubby, lives 2,000 miles away, and I don't have to deal with her "stuff" any more! Paul, you have my total and complete sympathy. You don't know what freedom is until your daughter thinks she has gained hers.

[concentric]

Damn, Paul.
You're really tolerant here.

I couldn't even get my license until I was 18 (senior year) because my grades weren't good enough in HS. I still don't do homework.

My parents would have tied me up in the basement if I'd done that to a car.

Good luck with it, and it sounds like your final decision is the right one, at least from where I'm sitting.

Best,

Jason

[deanp]

"I told her it's gone if she either gets a ticket or a reported accident (claim)"

Maybe she's innattentive or just doesn't give a damn, but the ticket and reported accident comment strike me as odd.

She obviously is hitting things with frequency and "doesn't have any idea" what she hits. Whether she is hitting a car, mailbox, lightpole, etc if she is causing that much damage to the car she has to be damaging whatever she hits. Isn't each case considered leaving the scene of an accident? If a witness sees this and reports it you'll have even more issues to deal with above and beyond her safety and another dent on the 'Stang...

[nostatic]

seems simple to me. Remove her from your insurance. make her get her own.

Now I just need to remember that 8 years from now

[CamB]

I had one accident when I was in the "learning" phase of driving (I mean, I tend to think I'm still learning at nearly 30, but I was crap back when I was 18).

Admittedly the accident was a pretty good effort (slid off a gravel road), but I still remember the pain of working the 140 hours at my Dad's business to pay off the insurance excess (NZ$300 plus under 21 loading of $800 - at $8/hour).

I was pretty friggin' careful after that.

Either way, if I dinged a car up, I expected consequences.

[DonDavis]

Paul,

My daughter is also 16 and driving so I hope I am somewhat 'qualified' to chime in.

You should remember that she is a minor and YOU, as a parent, are responsible for HER actions. I hope these "dents" are not a harbinger.

If it were my daughter (or son, for that matter) the car would be gone. Period.

I understand that it works for getting to her Mom's, to you, and to other neccessary functions, but I kind of think she needs some skill enhancement at this point.

The inconvenience of driving her around pales in comparison to having something really serious happen.

Good luck, my Man!

[john70t]

Sounds like she's either not ready to drive a car yet, or needs to get realistic training before being let loose on the public. Those plastic bumpers are going to add up fast and are not very good protection to the occupants.

Personally, I think the drinking age should be 16 and the driving age 18. There's too much going on inside a young teens mind to put them behind the wheel of a Suburban.

You should take the keys and not give them back until she starts a payment plan and completes weeks of go-cart racing sucessfully, or some thing similar.
(but not something where bad behavior is rewarded):

[CJFusco]

TEENAGERS SHOULD NOT HAVE DECENT CARS. PERIOD.

When I was 16 I wanted a Porsche more than anything. I got a 12-year-old cherokee with no paint. I had soooo many little mishaps in that thing.

When I was 19 I finally got my Porsche... I took good care of it, but I think i was probably still too irresponsible to own such a great car.

Now, at 23, I look back and realize that the driving age should be raised to at least 18.

You should make her pay for ALL damages, and say that if one more dent appears, bye bye Mustang.