Now I was the one with blood stains and the evil residing within!
This Barney Fife looking southerner was no match for what was about to come against him....

Hot blood coursed in my vains, my shirt tightened as my muscles grew. My fingernails began to grow long and snaggled, horns grow from my forehead and I fealt my head touch the ceiling. I was now looking down at the miserable lawman who now had soiled himself. He quivered and weapt. My back bulged and large wings sprouted from my back. My skin grew scales - armour. I new no bullet made by man could penetrate. Steam emerged from my nostrals and a low sub-sonic growl left my mouth as I was now looking down on this cowering fool. Edited for content -Z-man. I dropped him and walked to the kitchen where I

calmed down and returned to my normal muscular physique. I felt quite relieved no one had noticed the incident which had occurred. Where's my Porsche? I hurried outside where I found it waiting for me with the keys still in the ignition. I sped out of sight quickly to see if Quinlin and the goat were waiting for me at the cabin.

I couldn't stand the stench of the blood stains which now permeated the interior of my 911. It was time for another. Which one did Quinlin say he liked most last time we visited the dealership...??? I pulled into the dealers lot and that's when I saw...

this story is getting grotesque:D

Where's that voice coming from??? Am I hearing voices now with my new-found strength and invincibility??? Surely it wasn't from the narrator!!!

The salesman met me with a smile as he knew I was there to purchase another P-car as I do every year. It was the same salesman I get every time. I hate this guy! This would be the last car he shows anyone! As we climbed in for a test-drive I was already planning his demise. We accelerated quickly onto the parkway in the new...

Cayenne. He was going to suffer as no car salesman had before.
I thought with glee at what I was going to do to him with the Cayenne tool kit. I hoped they had remembered to include the torque wrench and the compressor for inflating the tyres.

He looked at me with one of those "deer in the headlight" looks and I knew it was time to hit the back country. The Cayenne showed no hesitation as we bounced through the rough terrain and across creek beds. I found the perfect spot to leave his body, so I acted as though we were stuck in the loose gravel. I opened the door as if to inspect our situation and then I checked out the tool kit when I found...

So Quilan began to rant about how much better looking the goat seemed after looking at this donut-eating salesman. We decided to leave him stranded and head West in our newly acquired 4x4. We had only travelled a short distance when we saw an old Jeep seemingly stuck in the mud and these 2 beautiful young..

they were excited to see us....especially Quinlan! He immediately began to talk to them about things they once did together...all three off them...and out of the darkness comes the arrogant car salesman who had followed out tail lights thru the valley. He was pissed at first and then the siamese twins recognized him too! He began to tell them of his unfortunate experience with us when one of the siamese twins began to...

The salesman began to cry and beg for more donuts. The twins told him to shut his wussy whining and take it like a man! I decided this was enough and tossed the Jeep keys to the salesman leaving him to figure out how to get out of the mud on his own. Quinlan, the twins and I headed out to...

Tanglemess, a small deary town with no right to a zip code. We were on a mission. Time was on our side. The twins were thoughtful enough to pack cold grilled cheese sandwiches on rye, flat ginger ale and enough tooth picks to keeps us occupied for the ride ahead.

The twins, known as...

Missy & Chrissy were always wanting to pull over and get out the blankets, but Quinlan decided he needed to get some more bacon grease so we pulled over at the Cracker Barrell to...

get what we could con out of one of the fat waittresses there. The twins found the nite mgr and now he wants to go along, but I told them No Way! A state patrolman pulled up into the parking lot behind the Cayenne and noticed there were no tags.

raid the grease traps and satisfy our ever growing gift list. The "barrell" always proved to be a great source of easy-to-find, over price country lore that could be hidden in an expense report as a meal with a customer.

I saw him coming toward us as he asked the hostess who the Porsche belonged to. I began to get anxious as I felt something strange begin to happen...I was transforming back into the invinicible beast I had become earlier. People were starting to stare. The twins became frightened as they huddled aroung Quinlan who hadn't seen the transformation either. After about 30 seconds I was full blown monster alien again and began to...

search for portein in all it's forms - the fat grease would have to wait. As I grew, my horns got caught in chandelars would of antlers - most likely from elks in rut who had been captured in the unforgiven throws of a kindergarden swingset. The tangled mess proved to be too much.

Missy and Chrissy hissed in delight as a writhed in he tangled mess. The twins, always orally inclinded and talented began to chant and dance. A task not easy for twins joined at the ...

breasts. I had to calm down and regain my former composure no matter what the costs! Quinlan and the twins knew another distraction was required to keep us all out of trouble, so the twins jumped on the largest table which was occupied by some old guys who seemed to have left on their VFW caps and had their eyes glued on the girls the entire time anyway.
As they began to dance on the table, the patrolman...