said "That's enough for me tonight guys! Have fun with this and I'll be down at the donut shop if you need me."
So we hurried back to the Cayenne and...

on the way out, the mighty midget picked up a rocking chair off the porch. It fit nicely into the back of the Cayenne. We needed that chair. It was wide and wickered and would play nicely with the items we were going to need to carry out our task at hand. Now, where to find two pounds of sticky rice, 18 hex nuts, a Spanish speaking Cockatiel and enough drain opener to dissolve a horse. But thats a differnt story.

As we preceded, Chrissy, the green eyed half of the orally inclined set opened the locket which dangled loosely around her swollen neck. She took out a small folded piece of paper. Missy, the balding one of the pair took the note and proceeded to lick it. “What are you doing?” I screamed. “We need that inscription for the incantations! “Relax Mo gumbo” said the magical dwarf. “My girls know what to do. Missy has a rather acidy sort of saliva – not unlike Janna Jameson, one of the reasons she is so effective at oral gratification. The acid like spit will allow the glyphs to raise and become readable.” Chrissy was blessed with the ability to vibrate her lips to frequecies unmatched by cacades or crikets alike. But thats another story.

I thought this to be ridiculous, but I did remember a snowy morning not long ago when Missy proved herself to be effective and reasonable. I paid her well with small lengths of yarn and several rusty paper clips I found in my smugglers box. Twins can be creative with debits due. The Q man sneezed - not because he had to, but because he wanted too. But thas another story.

I believed in my vertically challenged friend. Getting beyond his body odor, hair sprouting from his ears and nose, and his unsuitable appetite for lemon rinds and logic puzzles. He never steered me wrong. Well, actually there was one time …

...when he suggested going to this party in the low rent district. I wish I could remember why I had that tattoo done that night, a tattoo of....

... Isabo, sunbathing. Ah, now I remember why I had that tattoo done. There's nothing so pleasing to look upon as a ...

:D :p :D

Isabo, that petite pneumatic Italian, dark flowing hair those ends barely tickle supple naked breasts. Her narrow waist protected by 3 rows or sinued muscles contracted when she would breathe or laugh, sing or cry. Her belly button and below – void of any suggestion of body hair. Rare I thought for a classic beauty from Milan but never the less providing ample view giving memories of rain drenched roof tops, smokey hallways and the lou in the Louvre’s. Her strong legs baring the weight of the world with every mile she would run and hold the massive love in her heart with every dance she would grace. Those legs were my prison - holding me tight, feeding her need, and mine.

Remembering how the sun glistened on her tanned skin. The skin that protected her nose, cheeks, the nape of her neck and the gentle folds of her ears. Ears that only allowed one piercing each but required none to extend the beauty she mastered. Those ears had heard my songs of love, my dreams and eventually the sirens that would come for us. The sight of her being taken away in shackles haunts my every waking moment only being quelled by cheap booze, stolen cigarettes and my faith that I know someday, with the help of my strange semblance, we can free her. We must free her, at any cost. There are miles to drive before we sleep, and promises made that we must keep.

Now, to the tasks at hand…

On and on we drove.. it was nighttime now and the rest of the crew was sleeping. I took the opportunity to light up a smoke. I sparked a match and brought the flame to the leaf. Long, slow inhale.. yeah, that’s the stuff.

My mind began to wander as the moonlit countryside rolled past. I thought of the tattoo, and the wicker chair. Absentmindedly, I glanced at the dwarf, now passed out in the chair. Something sparkled from his neck. It was a necklace with a chicken claw pennant.

Maybe the smoke had dazed me.. it was a few minutes later that my mind had an awful realization. The claw necklace! I whipped my head around to verify.. the dwarf was no longer sleeping. Quinlan’s steel cold blue eyes looked into my bloodshot ones. My blood ran cold with fear..

..for the chicken claw pennant was the symbol for the evil chicken world of VOLTAR ! ! !

The girls began to giggle in their sleep. It was not uncommon for simese twims joined at the head to dream the same dreams, but those joined at the breast sharing dreams? Granted Missy and Chrissy were not your ordinary everyday simese twins you see at the mall. No they were very uncommon.

"There are only 5 more days till this rough road bullet gets replaced" Quinlan said. "Pass me the stale ginger ale, I have to prepare for the next stop" Quinlan demanded. He was getting agitated now. His little fingers could never get a very good grip on bottle tops or much else for that matter. The only thing he ever seemed able to hold with any confidence in those stubs was a free smoke or his own manhood, both seemed to occur more and more these days. The more he smoked, the more he stroked. A mistake for a man his size and capacity. We all have our demons, I thought. I accelerated around the corner, testing the agility and attemping a slide. I just wish it was black and not silver. The leather was nice I thought and the lights coming from the dash reminded me of the holidays when I was a boy in St. Thomas. My feet bacame warm. This was not a good sign.

The sprout become increasing angered by his inability to open the beverage. An opposing thumb is handy during the evolution process, but Quinlin was past that. We all knew this.

In a rage, the margin of a man smashed the ginger ale on the dash. I looked on in horror as blood trickled from his fingers. I fealt for his pain. It wasn't the pain of the cuts I fealt for mostly but the fact that now he was going to hold off on the "hold-on" and find gratifaction through the twins. They were in control once again and this would anger him most.

"You knew this would happen didn't you! Vile beasts! Now I have to once more rely on the two of you till I mend!" Quinlin was once again at their mercy and the twins would have it no other way. We pressed on...

ring around the rosie, we all fall down. The child's rhyme that remembered the black death. How we laughed when Quinlan thought he had it. We laughed even harder when it turned out he did! Oh happy days. Like the time in the Turkish prison when...

all we had to eat for three days was Turkish Delight.

Eatiing Turkish Delight was tough once, but three days in a row. That much will make any man think 30 hits of acid is a blessing.

The driving was tiring me out. The passing of headlights was hipmotizing me more and more each time a new set passed. I begain to think of this silly thing called life I was living. I was wondering if there would be an end... and even more, if anyone would know why it all went down.

I knew my quest if i got out alive. Made for TV movie! The cast would have to be special. I looked over at Quinlan, only Danny Diveto could fill his little boots. The goat, Addam Sandler did something back in the day with a goat. He would know that role best. Beth, in front of the fire, that fart, only J-Lo could do that. The civic chick, Micheal Rodrigez from the Fast and the Furious. Beautiful maiden, Hillary Duff. The Porsche salesmen, Newman from Seinfeld. And the twins, who would be the twins? The Olsen twins? Isn't one in rehab? Who else...

...think man think...no use. I was getting to the point where wake and sleep could not be distinguished. My lids grew heavy. I tried to bite my lips, my cheeks and my tongue. I only work for awhile. Those twins. Who could play those Twins! I wanted to play with those twins. I had before - doing things to them I wouldn't do to farm animals, well thats not true eighter.

STOP THE CAR YOU FOOL! Quinlin screamed. I woke in a fevered pitch, slamming on the brakes. The Porsche went into a spin. Trees, rocks, guardrail, trees, rocks, guardrail, trees, rocks, guardrail, trees, rocks, guardrail, trees, rocks, guardrail. We must have been doing 85 but it seemed like 15. When we finally stopped, I could feel the seat of my pants had once again become soiled. I stared ahead. There was silence for a minute, maybe five. It seemed like an eternity until that eternity ended with a firm smack to the back of my head with a clipboard. “ARSE! Money wasted on DE I can see!” Quinlin exploded. The twins jumped out of the back and sat on the side of the road. Surprisingly, they were not upset. In fact, were acting rather calm.

Quinlin sneered at me, “Get the chair out of the back – it’s obvious to me that you don’t deserve it or have even earned it! We shall start here – good as place as any”.

I took out the wicker chair and placed it on the ground near the twins. They looked up at me and smiled. “Do you think we will make it to Voltar it time?” I asked them rather sheepishly.

“It is Vrill that we need to go to – you mis-read the incantation. Not uncommon for someone who spends time trying to eat brains rather than developing them. You should really try not to short cut your short comings – it is most unfavorable, evan for a monkeyboy like you.” They said in unison.

Vrill? It couldn’t be. Was it? The twins were never wrong about these things. By now my soiled pants were solidifying. This night was starting to shape up.

‘Vrill’, I had studied it years ago but dismissed it as ravings – chariots of the Godless. But the twins were correct – they always were, and if so, then that would mean that they weren’t giant chickens, but rather…

All of a sudden Beth walked into the room, well at least another beauty who was the mirror image of Beth. She yelled "everyone out" except for you, as she pointed to me. Quinlan, the twins, lucifer the goat all hung their heads low as they walked out into the cold. Beth slammed the door - walked over to the stereo and turned on some Barry White. She then dimmed the lights and began to perform this sensual dance - slowly unbuttoning her coat. At this time, I became aroused and began to think of earthly pleasures when all sudden Beth took her coat off - I was floored - never before I have a seen such large ...................

Aurelia ...

But why had they given me a greeting card with the message "Happy Birthday, you dirty toerag", when it wasn't even my birthday? That large belly button, so deep and soft gave me a wicked idea I was going to stick my....

finger in it to see how deep it actually went. Then I became afraid - Beth was slowly transforming into a ..............

nun. She was turning into the sadistic *****nun that ruled my bible classes and ruined my childhood. I still remember all the times for some farcical fault, she used to take me behind the piano, make me drop my trousers and beat me with a cane until little little drops of blood showed on the welts, she also had other more sophisticated punishments. Punishments that I now had to pay good, hard earned money to enjoy.

"You've been a bad boy! Go behind the piano at once!" she said. With a mixture of fear and anticipation I.............

Ran out of the house as fast as my feet would carry me to the nearest rod/gun shop and purchasd a shotgun and placed it into my mouth and .............

"click"

I forgot to buy bullets! Damn it! I always forget that part! I tried to puchase some but the dick behind the counter wouldn't sell. I pleaded with him... promissing i wouln't kill myself in the store. But he refused. So I....