When all of a sudden a flying saucer swopes down and beams Guido up .....into the saucer...where he sees a cook book entitiled "How to Serve Man" on the fireplace mantel...these Aleins sure know how to travel first class thinks Guido, they have the comforts of home right there in front of them. Gudio smells what is cooking in a Big Black pot over the fire...and it smells so good he just can't help himself...he goes over to the pot and ladles out a big portion of the nice thick stew iinto a bowl...where he marvels at just how tasty the stew is and goes back for seconds...commenting to himself just how much like Chicken the meat tastes...mmmmm....good....I can hardly stop eating this stuff.....finger lickin good....as he strips the meat off a long thin bone...

He wonders what, or whose buffet's Tabs been visiting lately. Suddenly he snaps out of the dreamlike trance and shouts "Bacon grease?!?!?!?! Who needs that when I have this case of aerosol Pam handy???? Anyone know if she has a sister?"

It's at that moment that the goat reappears with Quinlan riding him side saddle carrying a 20 gallon tub of Jell-O pudding to be used for.....

wresting with the transexual porcupine.....

Porcupines always put up a fuss but also provide the best for the book makers. “Bow down to papa you mad ginny!” Quinlin squawked at Guido. Guido isn’t amused but was powerless around Quinlin and the Goat. The goat stoped short and bucked the powerfully smelly dwarf off his back. “If I ever live to see another fool waste my time it will be three minutes past the hour I should be breathing loudly!’ The goat said to Guido. Guido didn’t know what to make of the goat, or far that matter the tub of dessert that the mini man had raised above his head. “Blast you! You have done ruined a good sunshine!” bleated the goat. “I can’t live this way anymore. The stress of all this leisure is making me weak. I need to find some ants to chew on or better yet a nap. That’s it a nap is what I need.” Signed the goat. He found a soft tuff of grass to lay his weary head. Soon he was fast asleep, giggling in his sleep, dreaming of twins connected at the breasts.

Guido wondered how it began and ended with little fanfare and a need to control all that he had no part of. Years ago outside of the waste handing site that his uncle owned, Guido met Issy – she was young, powerful and had…

a beautiful smile. Tan, Moist skin with an incredible cleavage. Guido stood in awe as saliva dripped from his mouth. Maanwhile Lucifer the goat was gorging himself on Rum Eggnog and Holiday Turkey. He stopped looked at Issy and Guido and offered them some of his miracle rum eggnog. While they sat back and enjoyed the holiday delights and while Guido continued to drool - Issy began thinking back on the days when she worked as a .........

fun loving servant of a man who called himself Mr Woo. oh those were the days. they would sit around and wonder if FENDERGUY would ever find the 911 of his dreams. now it is a new life with Guido the farm animal with a thirst greater than....

all outdoors. And outdoors they were. Sipping that vile swill that made them giddy and uninhibited. Soon clothes were piled off to the side, bodies, both flesh and fur were intertwinded in a mass of

Christmas decorations. It was time to try someone else's clothes to see if they fit....and to see what had always seemed so mysterious beneath the .......

House....

where the Porsche salesman and two of his comrades (including the tow-truck driver) were hiding. They wanted to come inside to join the celebration and have some left-overs, but access was denied due to....

being salesmen, they had no hearts, spines or livers......everyone knows that those parts are the delicacies......no tickie no entry.....

The towtruck driver was directed to bash them about the head, snuffing their life force back into the roullette wheel of re-incarnation where they became scum sucking lawyers...the next level of life on the downward spiral.

Once the towtruckdriver returned from his grisly duty he was directed to shave off all body hair and don a torn tutu and pink Chuck Taylor high tops.....

And perform his best impression of Paris Hilton. So, he set up a video camera on night shot, hopped on top of Quinlan ( or was it the goat...?) and interrupted the festivities to take a cell phone call from....

Orvis Greely, a man fifteen years his senior and twice as pathetic (maybe three times – tough to tell when you are consumed by Hostess products, stray ducks, too many close calls with a nail gun and more time spent out of jail then in rehab.) Standing just shy of his past greatness, he was something to behold. Orvis, a misbegotten figure with a large plume of hair resting atop a slightly misshapen head with hair greasy from the remains of a bacon fat fiasco that left a perfectly good set of Siamese twins laughing uncontrollably at his inability to rise to the occasion. The twins can be brutal but we all loved them just the same. Oh yes, good ol Orvis, a man spending his formable years dabbling in the fine art of…

Magic. He was seeking an alternative to Melf's acid arrow spell when The Grand Tower of Wizards heard of his research and asked Orvis to work for them. Orvis could not turn down the oppuntunity. He spent six years on his project only to fail miserably. The wizards decided to give him a gift for all his work despite the failure. A high preist druid crafted Orvis' Gauntlets which grant the wearer +3 save vs poison. Orvis was glad to accept the gift. But the morning after the award ceremony he awoke with a terrible hangover and a strange woman in his bed ......

rubbing the +3 gaunlet viciously against her nether-regions. she was screaming, "dungeons and dragons is for LOSERS!, now were is my 20 sided dice!?"

what the hell kind of award ceremony was that? all types of humans that .....

he must not abandon the fight against the devil. As soon as the enchantment of the satanic voice of the penitent had fallen from him he felt that enlightenment had been granted to him, showing him the right way. He hurried into the house, first said a prayer, and then took a pen from a drawer and wrote down on a large sheet of paper everything bad he knew about the former life, the actions, and the preaching of the...

Elvis look alike contest winner

Juan Mendoza was his name, and Elvis impersonation was his game. Not that he ever wanted to, but somehow fell into it. His striking likeness to a young Elvis made him wonder if his mother's stories from her Vegas showgirl days about being Elvis's favorite groupie were true. Was Juan actually Elvis's secret lovechild? It sounded far-fetched and impossible to prove (or disprove), so he tried to forget it as he took another slow drag on his cigarette. He sat there on a rusty lawn chair on the failing porch of his failing trailer home, under the clear Nevada night sky. Despite Vegas's nearby lights and the cloud of cigarette smoke hovering over his head, he could still see the stars. One streaked brightly across the desert sky just as the unfiltered cigarette butt singed his fingers. Thinking this was a sure sign, he quickly recalled his favorite wish....

That his Dad would sometime soon arrive back from the stars and continue his singing career. He prayed every night that he would do a duet with his "Dad" and he would publicly announce that he was his son....but that damned goat....

, that damned goat in the Stetson and cowboy boots. Boy they'd had some goodtimes together. Like the time they'd greased up the actress and played twister or the time they went to the buffets at Las Vegas and ended up partying for a week with.....