And he wondered aloud.... "Who am I," to which a voice from the other room said, "you are ...."

:cool:

... out of here if you don't shut up. And without moving any controls...

:D

..you are nothing. It is I, Alfred who makes your little bat cave and caped suits... and whats the thanks I get? "Heres my B!tch Butler, Alfred." Well i've had it!

Then Alfred points his middle finger at our protagonist and then gives him the finger straight up.

The protagonist with a puzzeled look asks" Ok, I understand this (showing the middle finger straigh up), but what does this stand for (showing the middle finger pointing at Alfred).

Alfred responds, "elementry my dear protagonist. This is for you, and this is for the horse you road in on. Peace out B!tich!"

The protagonist, in a lonely state, picks up and dials Beths cell phone. She answers...

I can't...I have a headache....

"Take an asprin and come here, NOW!" he said "And this time don't forget to bring............."

your large stock pot.....cause I is havin you over for dinner.....

When she arrived he invited her in plied her with a lovely glass of Zin while he proceeded to the kitchen. Where he filled the large stock pot with water and took Alfred the Butlers head from the refrigerator and put it into the stock pot. He then chopped some fresh Parsley and threw it onto the hair on Alfreds head that was bobbing up and down in the boiling water...that and a few Faver beans would make a wonderfull soup he thought....

Damn....too bad I'm gay....

He then realized it wasnt Alfreds head in the pot but a Ham - Alfred had gone back to the bat cave for some more Zinfadel. He added onions, more parsley, tomatoes, celery, carrots and then a bottle of red hot peppers to give some "Spice" to the stew.

Beth then walked into the kitchen looking for another bottle of Zin - by the way - Beth loves her wine because when shes drinking she ...........

Becomes a cheap Ho....who will let you do things to her that you only have seen done in medical textbooks. As a matter of fact Beeth once even serviced the whole French Foreign Legion and has a tattoo on her butt commerating the experience....

which reads -
"For the many French...so small in manhood, even less in courage...always willing to high tail it...have this high tail Boys!" to wit is a picture of her bent over offering herself up like a cat in heat. She really did lack self esteem...

but swallowed it whole when listening to their fabricated exploits and servicing the full regiment of French Foreign Legion.....she remarked in wonder of the white silk scarfs that were attached to four foot poles....they seemed to be prevalant in each and every tent....

The grizzled veterans of many retreats were loath to discuss the significance. They did however show her the new tanks that had whine racks, fifteen reverse gears, back up lights and automatic covers that showed the vehicle as a unarmed medivac in the event that "schtuff" happened.

Once the elite crew of weaseldicks were done....she mentioned her low "T" count and the AZT meds that she needed refilled.

They sent her over to the Canadian contingent as they have the cheapest drug prices in the camp,,,,,,

and she remembered the Danish army,sure jokesters. They were always good for a supply for hair conditioner and moisturizing lotions. She always marveled at their long, lustrous hair and thought to herself, "If more armys were unionized like the Danish, I am sure ther would be less split ends". But it wasn;t the case. The Danish army was often split open by more argressive contingents. It was the Danish army that tought Beth to take it like a man, but it ws the French that tought her that...

hair conditioner has many uses, for example it is an excellent substitute for................

...bacon grease...which I suddenly realized I had run out of, thanks to that no good Goat and the Porsche salesman. Thus, my next task being the aquisition of vast quantities of bacon grease or it's cheper substitute Wonder Lard, I phone Isabo and.....

tell her the good news that the Suregon thinks I have virtually no chance of surviving the Heart transplant operation I need because of all the bacon grease I have gouged myself on...I also let her know that if I don't survive I would like my head chopped off and frozen so that I could come back at a later time....

Isabo says, "No problemo!". With a fiendish laugh she goes to the cellar and starts lubricating the chainsaw in anticipation. "Why wait?" she thinks.
"Damn! I still have to finish the housework and go to the supermarket." She said outloud to herself. "Now, who could I send? I know, I'll phone..............."

Guido the killer pimp. A moment later guido pulls up in his pristine 928s - which he stole from Tom Cruise. Guido gets out of the shark and .......

trips on his pointy shoes, face first into the gravel. A small trickle of blood runs out of his lip. He stands up quickly, slighly annoyed at his clumsyness. He looks into the window of the 928s to check his hair. Guido never liked a hair out of place. He felt the same way about his women, his booze and his music. There was dust on his elbows and a gravel in the cuffs of his pants. This made his heart race. He could feel the sweat begining to form on his brow. Soon the panic attacks would start and he would be grasping for air and space.

He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket for a few Vicodine and the flask of kettle 1...

But they weren't there. Starting to feel dizzy, light headed, his vision blurring by the second. Straining to concentrate, Guido calls out to Isabo...

"I'll swallow your soul". She frantically searches for her Ring of Invisibility +2. "Oh *****" she thinks out loud. The ring was left in her parents basement. She needs to meditate to boost her mana but there isn't enough time with Guido lurking outside....