Am I an As*hole?? - Page 4

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 05:40 PM

AFJuvat - if anything, you need a marriage counselor. It sounds to me as if - even if you don't realize it now - your union is on the rocks. I wouldn't be surprised if you're going to be one of those Pelicanheads that go through some sort of crisis in the next couple years. I say this because if you had to resort to violence with your son from what seems like a disagreement between you and your wife, you, my friend, are in dire straits.

What you did to the kid is done - hopefully he will speak to you again - but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't simply because of the humiliation factor alone of being slapped. But imagine his thoughts. I bet he not only knows your reaction spawned from his disobedience, but he also knows your reaction also came from you and your wife's inability to agree. That will be his wedge between you three for a very long time. It sounds to me as if you have two people you need to talk with when the time is right.

lendaddy · 06:06 PM

Geez guys, why don't ya kick a guy when he's down? His kid WILL talk to him again, and he has NOT ruined their relationship.
An open handed slap does not a child abuser make either, so lighten up on the guy. I had a teacher slap me in grade school for goodness sake, big whup.

Edit: Want to add I am assuming the slap in question is just that, a common (oh no you didn't) slap. Not a big league wind-up, cartwheel the kid into the wall, sweet lord what have I done...slap.

K.B. · 03-24-2005, 06:06 PM

What did the kid learn?

If he ever sees dog crap again - step over it and act like it isn't there. Never saw it!

flyenby · 03-24-2005, 06:06 PM

In a PERFECT world you would be wrong......................................
In the REAL world you are not wrong..................

grudk · 03-24-2005, 06:19 PM

Seems to me that some of the individuals responding are bringing a good deal of personal 'baggage' into the equation.

Pretty hard to judge this scenario from afar, after a few words. I guess some of you watch a lot of daytime TV, so you must be experts at analyzing relationships. Perhaps you should write a(nother) self-help book?

Real violence is a serious problem. So is lack of discipline -- something todays youth will be paying for for many years to come.

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lendaddy
Edit: Want to add I am assuming the slap in question is just that, a common (oh no you didn't) slap. Not a big league wind-up, cartwheel the kid into the wall, sweet lord what have I done...slap.

You want to "add" that? You want to "assume" something? What a riot! You're putting conditions on what kind of slap is acceptable. How about NONE ARE ACCEPTABLE!

lendaddy · 03-24-2005, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dd74
You want to "add" that? You want to "assume" something? What a riot! You're putting conditions on what kind of slap is acceptable. How about NONE ARE ACCEPTABLE!

Oh please, what is so special about a slap vs say a spanking? Or are you against all physical contact? Where were you when I was growing up to protect me? If you had I wouldn't be the monster I am now

Over reaction beyond belief! You make it sound like he cold cocked the kid, or is that the same too?

K.B. · 03-24-2005, 06:42 PM

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lendaddy
Oh please, what is so special about a slap vs say a spanking? Or are you against all physical contact? Where were you when I was growing up to protect me? If you had I wouldn't be the monster I am now

Over reaction beyond belief! You make it sound like he cold cocked the kid, or is that the same too?

And you're making excuses for degrees of what is still a slap. I don't think you can differentiate between a "respect me" strike and one that breaks the kid's nose.

lendaddy · 03-24-2005, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dd74
And you're making excuses for degrees of what is still a slap. I don't think you can differentiate between a "respect me" strike and one that breaks the kid's nose.

I totally make that distinction. If he broke the kids nose I would say he needs some forced help, no doubt! But a little slap accross the face was quite common when/where I grew up. Like I said I got slapped by a teacher. Our teachers would also soap our mouths in class if we cussed, they drug us down the hall by our ear, etc...... There is a huge difference between this stuff and "put you in the hospital" abuse. That's all I'm saying, and yes I give him the benefit of the doubt.

stomachmonkey · 03-24-2005, 07:01 PM

Teaching the kid to settle conflict with aggresion is a bad idea.

One day he'll throw a puch at someone, the other guy will fall, hit his head and die.

It will not have been the intended result but at that point it won't matter.

Two futures will be lost, one will be dead and the other will be in jail.

Odds of this scenario playing out are extremely low but tell me if it's worth the risk.

bryanthompson · bryanthompson's Garage

How many times have you been to a store, restaurant, any other public place and some touchy-feelgood liberal's brats are running around raising hell? Ooh, don't want to discipline them, it might scar them for life. They might not like you. It's total BS. You can spot these people a mile away. I usually just shake my head and wonder what their kids will become.

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lendaddy
...There is a huge difference between this stuff and "put you in the hospital" abuse.

Sure there is - to an adult. Not a kid. But that's alright. Stuff like this is where those "kid shotguns parents" stories come from. Some kids can't understand the implications of that, either.

lendaddy · 03-24-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stomachmonkey
Teaching the kid to settle conflict with aggresion is a bad idea.

One day he'll throw a puch at someone, the other guy will fall, hit his head and die.

It will not have been the intended result but at that point it won't matter.

Two futures will be lost, one will be dead and the other will be in jail.

Odds of this scenario playing out are extremely low but tell me if it's worth the risk.

I'm not at all an aggressive person that way. If this is the worst his kid ever gets and you expect the above!...........Then I should have bodies in my freezer by now

I think it's safe to say that this kind of punishment (and more) were quite common say 50-60 years ago right? So where are all the crazies it created? Kids now days have zero respect for anything including themselves, why is that? Well our punishments are certainly less aggressive, coincidence?

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bryanthompson
How many times have you been to a store, restaurant, any other public place and some touchy-feelgood liberal's brats are running around raising hell? Ooh, don't want to discipline them, it might scar them for life. They might not like you. It's total BS. You can spot these people a mile away. I usually just shake my head and wonder what their kids will become.

Exactly! We know a couple like this, and I do want to break this kid in half. His parents are in complete denial about their son's foul mouth and disobedience - which is where I can, as a matter of fact, empathize with an open-handed slap. My problem is it wouldn't stop there, which is where things become dangerous.

lendaddy · 03-24-2005, 07:16 PM

Sure it can stop there, happens all the time. I would bet I got over a thousand whuppins growing up. Never did I receive any broken bones or anything that needed medical attention. Why, cause it was under control and he wasn't trying to kill me.

Now that being said I hope I don't have to do anything like that with my boy, and I won't if I can find any other way that works. But if the difference between my son learning respect or not comes to that I know what I'll do. My father once told us that "when it's all done, if you two are good people but you hate me, I'll consider it a success" We are and we don't, he made his point.

dd74 · 03-24-2005, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lendaddy
I think it's safe to say that this kind of punishment (and more) were quite common say 50-60 years ago right? So where are all the crazies it created? Kids now days have zero respect for anything including themselves, why is that? Well our punishments are certainly less aggressive, coincidence?

You're correct. Where are the crazies? There are very few if any. The problem is this: the precedence has been set by this new-age no discipline rule. I recently heard a Beverly Hills shrink (divorced and fat BTW), who said if the kids start acting up in the car, pull over to the side of the road and wait - they'll eventually get the message you are displeased with them. BULL*****! They'll get the message they have the upper hand on you, if anything.
No, discipline has flown out the window. Blame the family unit falling apart and kids being raised by the friggin' computer and MTV. The thing is this: the violence outlined by the first post came from a situation of frustration - which is where I believe most corporal punishment comes from within the family. It was obviously not a good night for the guy. He cracked under pressure, which was not the way to handle it.

So you see, while there was physical discipline twenty, thirty or more years ago, there also was also much more of a grounded family then too.

Moses · 03-24-2005, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lendaddy
An open handed slap does not a child abuser make either, so lighten up on the guy.

After the beating, ...I'm so angry at this point, I cannot see straight... he was smacked a few times across the mouth...

His words, daddy. Not mine.

And the answer to his original question is an unqualified "yes".

LeeH · 03-24-2005, 08:56 PM

For my wife's first Mother's Day I framed a photo of my daughter with these words, "I learn SOMETHING from everything you do or say. What will you teach me today?"

I'm guessing your son learned that if he's not getting his way he should yell and if that doesn't work then try the physical stuff before running away for a while.

Every kid has something that is precious to them. TV? Sports? Bike? Computer? Video games? If you identify that item and consistently use it as the thumb screws in a case like this you'll most likely never have to resort to yelling and hitting.

How would this event have played out if you had said, "You need to have that cleaned up in five minutes (as you're setting the kitchen timer). If it's not cleaned up in five minutes you'll lose your (insert item) for a day *AND* you'll still have to clean up the mess anyway." After item "A" is lost for a day, move on to item "B." "OK... no TV for the rest of the day. Now if it's not cleaned up on five minutes there will be no "B" for a day. *AND* you'll still have to clean up the mess."

As for your wife... she should have backed you up. BUT, if she didn't then you should wait until you're alone to discuss it.

john70t · 03-24-2005, 09:14 PM

So AFJuvat:...after spilling the beans of the personal family life on the internet and getting plenty of varied responses... I hope everything is going o.k....
Remember "kinder" and "folks" is the equivalent to blood relative, that every situation is different.