job opp in another state - what would you do?

[mikester]

If you guys had a job opportunity in another state and your wife was pretty reluctant to consider the idea of moving how would you handle it?

The company I used to work for has an opening where I wouldn't mind being (Orlando area). Our cost of living would be entirely less and the needs of both of us working full time would likely be eliminated.

Problem is - the wife is very unsure about the idea of her being a stay at home mom. We're both in our 30's and we just had the kid. Financially we're typical to california - we paid a boatload for a little postage stamp of a house. What the would buy us in the orlando area...well...lots more than we need.

She's just very unsure about being a stay at home mom, leaving her friends and leaving a job that has treated her like a queen for a long time (they really have too - they are fantastic).

So...how might you approach it with the wife?

[LeRoux Strydom]

Tough choice. I don't envy you. It sounds like the time is here to make some decisions about long-term issues. My wife is a stay-at-home mom for our 3 brats. It is tough for a woman to give up her earning potential, many perceive it as a loss of financial independence. If both of you recognise it and commit to handle it sensibly, it can work.

Good luck.

LeRoux

[RoninLB]

Orlando is a big social change from Calif.

I'd send her to Orlando to visit the other moms at the schools before you're hit with "I want outta here. I'm going nuts." within 6mo of relocating.

[RickM]

....and when you decide to go back to Ca what will you do for a house? It'll be tough to do that move in reverse. I had a friend who did the same type of move from NJ. A year later he decided to come back. Now he's in a small condo.

If the COL difference is that great then rent your Ca house out and buy/rent in Fla. You can sell the Ca house when you're 100% sure you can handle the move long term. If it doesn't work out then you can go back to your old home.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

My wife quit her job before I had a chance to realize what had happened...

[pbs911]

No imput, but it seems really wierd that you are the third Pelicanite going to Florida from So Cal in the last month. Maybe we could take over the State!

[Moses]

Are you happy now? Stay put.

[911boost]

Mike,

I was in your situation 4 years ago. We were both working in Minnesota, and my wife loved her job. They treated her great, and she could not complain. My job situation was worse. We had just aquired another company, and my arch nemesis (evil guy) was all of sudden working along side me. When an opportunity opened up in Colorado, my wife and I traveled out here to visit. She really liked the area, so we decided to make the move.

It took her almost 8 months to find another IT job, as the economy in Northern Colorado was not doing to well. It was hell, she was not happy, financially we were strapped, but we got by.

Fast forward to 2005, she now works for a State Agency, and although she doesn't like it nearly as much as her job in Minnesota, things are good. I will tell you that there is no way she could be a stay at home mom. We have one daughter, and are planning on more.

If you are serious about making the move, you need to understand the sacrifice that she will be making, if her job does mean that much. Would it be possible for her to work down there as well?

I would second the advice about going down there. Also, if you know someone from the area, have them show you around.

Life is about living and taking chances. If you don't seriously consider the move, you may regret it for a long time.

Bill

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

Sounds as though the wife wants to work. She might be able to find a wonderful job in Orlando.

The wife and I always talk openly about everything. What are the benefits to the both of you if you accept this position? How solid is the position/company in comparison to your current situation? There are companies who take very good care of their people in Florida as well. I'd go out to dinner and talk about it or cook her dinner and open up the subject. But I'd suggest you let her know that you value her opinion and the both of you will have to agree on the course of action.

Then there is the loss of the earth shaking, the gain of the hurricane blowing, more older folks, the lower cost of living, and the slower Southern life style. Oh, it is hotter and more muggy in Florida as well.

[RoninLB]

I'm not knocking Fla but it can be real nice or real bad. If you can live close to the ocean breezes it has great potential. If your neighbors don't have teeth I'd suggest second thoughts. Don't believe any bs about the place either. You gotta experience it.

fwiw.. the bride said to me a bunch of years ago that "We're not living with your NY buds in the Keys. I don't care how many years they have lived there. Find some place else."

go figure!

[mikester]

As far as someone showing us around and visiting Orlando - we've been there a couple of times. She has said that "if it were tampa; it would be okay." Which was the case in the past - I was offered a position by the same folks in Tampa but turned it down a couple of years ago because they wouldn't pay for my move.

As I said, this is a company I used to work for - I used to work in this location and the job that is open is my Sr. Engineer's job at the time. So - I'm familiar with Orlando though I don't know it inside and out. I'm actually from Florida (Jacksonville) and truely not sure I want to live there again. If she were gung ho for the idea I would probably be much more willing to do it myself.

We both have our reservations but the financials of the situation were hard for me to turn my back on without at least looking into it.

I don't want to do anything that's going to make us unhappy; right now we're not as happy with life as we have been in the past but we're far from unhappy. Things are bad but we're adjusting to becoming parents and we're both trying desparately to hold on to some modicome of a social life. For me that is a lunch here and there with a buddy and a saturday morning trip out the flying field. For her it's the mom's groups shes gotten into and the other things she used to do before she had the baby.

This is also not the only opportunity that has knocked on my door in recent weeks. Currently my job is rather easy on me it just doesn't provide me with any flexibility since it's a govt job - I gotta be here 8-5 with little variation.

Also - I'm at the top of my pay scale and have been for over a year. The only job above mine is the Director's and the CIOs and I don't want either of those jobs.

My intention with this was to give her the option to be a stay at home mom - I had the inclination that she might be willing to do it even though it had never been something she wanted before. I know she "wants" to do it but when we have talked about it the question was always "what would I do after?"

I could never answer her other than to say "Go back to work." I know plenty of working moms who have stopped working to raise the kids and those who intend to go back once the kids get to school age. PLus, we kind of want two and in CA with the cost of life here and the cost of day care - things get out of whack real fast.

[Vipergrün]

Heading to Orlando next week to look at houses. Have you seen what you can buy for 350K in that area Plus, Sebring is just down the road and I think it's the home track for the Florida Porsche BMW Owners Club. So, it's a bit humid for a few months, but it's green and affordable. Schools seem to be really good, especially in seminol county.

[mikester]

I will say that we both love california; the place(Except for the traffic) and the community itself. I haven't tried to pull any punches with what florida would be like so I honestly don't think this whole thing is going to pan out. We're both social liberals and fiscal conservatives - Florida's socal values are not ours - California's social values tend to lean more our direction.

[red-beard]

You know what I'll say, cause I just did this a year ago. I still believe that the CA market is going to crash (when, not if). If Buffet is pulling out, I'd say "Pull out".

Anyway, the best way to see if she likes the area is to go there. Rent a residence Inn room and go buy groceries, etc. Make a "living" vacation, along with seeing if she can find a position out there.

Maybe "Stay at home Mom" isn't for her, but maybe she would prefer to make a poisition for herself inside the house. I know a lot of people where the wife does day trading at home while taking care of the kids.

Margarita and I know that one day she will be a "Stay at Home Mom" and I can't think of a more noble position. Who better to raise the family than one of the adults who created them. They will be imprinted with _your_ values, not the day care.

Anyway, the only way is to try it. We were also considering Florida in addition to Texas. After several months with low house payments in a house twice the size, with 4 times the land and in a great neighborhood, all your other debts paid off from the sale of the house and then still having a chunk of change in the bank, it will all seem very worthwhile and you'll wonder why you were living the way your were before, for so long.

James

[mikester]

James...We don't have any other debts. (grin) Oh - and we just opened the bottle of wine we took from your wedding and got good and buzzed last weekend.

[scottmandue]

I'm not married Mike but,

Have been to Orlando twice on business, over all nice people.
First time - weather was great for the week I was there I'm thinking "what's all this about Florida, this place is great!"
Second time - Hot muggy days, pounding (i.e. traffic stopping) rain and thunderstorms every night, power outages, etc. oh and drove out to Co Co beach... still hot and muggy.
There is a reason people pay outrageous prices to live here in Los Angeles despite the traffic, pollution, crime, etc.

Oh and if you move to Orlando... you will eventually be assimilated by the cult of Disney

[red-beard]

Originally posted by mikester
James...We don't have any other debts. (grin) Oh - and we just opened the bottle of wine we took from your wedding and got good and buzzed last weekend.

Excellent! That was some decent stuff. You'll have to drop by Tejas on the move to FL...I'll crack some really excellent stuff...

Look at the house prices in FL, and then see how much you'll have after you sell the house in Cali. Think of what you could buy vehicle wise with the difference....

To me, the biggest beef you'd have is not being able to drop by PP on a moments notice and get your parts in person.

James

[mikester]

Originally posted by red-beard
To me, the biggest beef you'd have is not being able to drop by PP on a moments notice and get your parts in person.

James

Big beef too since I sent her over there today to pick up my new clutch cable (which I get to install tonight yippee!!).

Houses in that area comperable to ours cost less than 50% of the value of our current home (which you've seen). The land provided is sizably much more as well. You know the deal - Gwen's just not as on board with the deal as Margarita was. Heck - I'M not even as on board to move as Margarita was.

I'm wish-washy on the idea that the bubble in CA will burst. The problem with that theory is there has to be a reduction in demand for some reason. I think things will taper off and the population growth reports reflect that but still there is a housing shortage in the LA area. Prices are not what they were but they are still pretty high. Mortgage rates could burst the bubble but won't demand have some draw on things as well? Demand doesn't show nearly as much signs of decline as mortgage rates show to rise.

[red-beard]

I don't think Mortgage rates will blow it. I think the "funny" mortages will:

0% down, 3% 1 yr ARM with no cap. These people will self destruct soon.

[pbs911]

The problem with that theory is there has to be a reduction in demand for some reason.

There will always be demand for housing. The key element in the So Cal housing crash will not be demand, it will be the the supply. . . the supply of people who can afford to buy a house. California will eventually have a flood of homes on the market with sellers racing to drop their asking price in hopes of finding a buyer.

I've lived in a couple countries and a few states. Everyplace has its upside and downside. So Cal is no different.

Good luck with your decision.