What Would You Do If Someone Dis'd U in Front of Your Son?
 

On Saturday, I brought my son into work with me - he was a perfect lil guy - listen and waiting while being taught with 18 sales managers about industrial solvents, heavy equipment equipment relaibility issues and fuel quality assurence methods. Many of the managers would come up to me and my boy and compliment me on how I've been able to help them and what a great guy I am. This made my lil guy real proud, you could see it. I guess it made me feel real good as well.

During a break, a sr. VP came up to us and said the following to him:
"Hay Max, ya learning anything? I know your Dad isn't - he's a slow learner" (BTW - I was doing some of the training!)
"Yes he is" Max says, "My Dads real smart"
"Ya, I guess every kid has to think his Dad is a hero." The guy says. Then walks away. During this encounter, I just gave him a blank stare. (Thanks to living with my wife, I have perfected it!)

The guy left and Max looked at me. I winked at him and he smiled. I said "He's what you call a 'Butt-Head!" Max laughed and rubbed his face into my arm.

As background, our group has grown this guy's business in big ways - he is one of 5 sr VPs. I'm thinking that he has some powerplay thing going on in his head. At the end of the day, my job is to figuer out ways for my company open, close and keep biz - to make money. I think I'm going to freeze this guy out - I can support and train the other 4 sr VPs managers and reps on how. This guy can go *****'m self.

I know I'm being a puzzy about this but disrespecting me is one thing, but in front of my kid? ***** that. He's on the list...

that's not normal, most people wouldn't diss a guy in front of his kid. A drunk or total jerk would, but no reasonable, and definitely nobody respectable, would do that.

I would say to cut him out of whatever you can. You can only hope that he notices and tries to confront you about it.

Take his stapler away.

That reminds me of one of my Dad's navy stories. The good-tempered officers were told to get their eggs fried. The others were encouraged to the vat of scrambled -- secret sauce included...

Lube - I'm the confrontational type. I lay it out early and often. So instead of "cutting him out" I'd rather go up to this guy and offer some constructive criticism as to how uncool it was to say what he did about you in front of your son. Cutting him out of anything could have a worse effect on your future than his. So be careful...

good point, dd... I should add a disclaimer to my previous post: Warning: poster does not play well with others, and does not personally work with other people

I remeber one time at this pizza place in El Segundo...

They had these huge maps of the NY subway system on the walls. I loved maps as a child and climbed up on a stool to get a better look, at which point the owner, obviously a New Yorker screamed, "Hey you little bastard, get down off that stool" then looked at my dad and said, "what the hell's wrong with you, letting the kid up on the stool..."

My dad (born and bred so cal native) just smiled at him and yelled out "EH?!?!? NU YAUK?!?!, YOU FROM NU YAUK?!?!? I'SE GOT SOME FRIENDS IN NUUUUU YAAAUUUUUUKKKKK!"

I didnt get the humor at the time, looking back, its pretty funny

Personally I think you handled it the best that it needed to be handled. You taught your kid what a "butt head" was and I'd bet your still his hero. Thats more important than anything else.
It also gave some insight into what "butt head" really thinks about you.

Man, this is why I wouldn't last a week in the corporate world before demoting someone. :cool:

I wonder if he intentionally dis'd you, or if he was trying to be funny and came off flat, malice, incompentence, and all that.

BTDT

What a dic#!!
I think you did the right thing with Max. You showed him that you are cool under pressure.(I need to practice that trait.)I would be careful about setting him up for a fall. You may take yourself with him. I have found that what comes around, goes around. Some day, when he pis$$es off the wring person, he will get his and then you can tell your son the good news about Mr. Butthead. I think, from what have read in this forum, that you have a good relationship with Max and you are his hero.

Sorry to hear about that, Lube. It is definately WAY out of line to make any derogatory statement in front of someones family, especially a child. Whatever method of, for lack of a better word, retaliation you choose, I wish you the best with it. Some people in this world just don't get it. The worst part is this VP has obviously been lucky in life (or at least financially) and this is how he treats the people that helped him get there? Wow. I guess he's the slow learner.

yep, Kevin has it.

Kids are smart. Your kid (lube) when confronted with some info that didn't fit, immediately (effectiively) told the guy he was FOS.

I think you ought to ask this vp, how does it feel to be owned by a 9(?) y/o.
That musta really stung, for veep to break out the "you just think that"--last word.

Good thing your kid didn't tell the vp "your not very nice" . . .I imagine that the vp response would have been "I know you are . ..what am i?" :rolleyes:

What does HE drive?!!!! Probably not a 911!!Muwahahahahaha

Never forget it, pull it out later and use it. The time will come when you get to completely own his ass for something.

That's wrong. Even if you were a complete anus, you don't do that in front of the kids. Your issues are with each other, bringing a kid into the fray like that is the most chicken$hit move ever.

You'll have your day, a$$wipees like that always open the door for you...

This isn't the first time this guy has dis'd me in public. One time, in the middle of a meeting, he excused himself and came back, threw a magizine down on the table and said "tell me that isn't the gayest thing you have ever senn!" It was me on the cover. I publish tech articles from time to time and this one mag put me on the cover. I thought it was pretty cool - my kids thought so as well as my Dad and Wife.

This guy proceed to rank on me. I didn't say a word, I looked around the room and no one thought it was very funny. Some actually asked me about it and showed interest. My boss (also my best friend) changed the topic and moved on. He is real political and can play the corp game with the best of them. This is actionable - same sex sexual harressment so says counsel - but I would lose my job. Not worth it.

My boss reports directly to the CEO. The sr VP reports to the Exec VP who reports to the CEO. I'm a Director so I guess me and this guy are on the same level but he has been with the co for over 20 years, I have been here 6.

I can freeze him out and not make it obvious. Not sure confronting him would not solve the issue. What I would really like to do is go man-2-man on him in the parking lot some night Texas style opening up a serious can of whoop arse but thats just me talking tough.

I'm with Thom. I bet he thought he was being funny and just doesn't know he's an ass. I wouldn't sweat it...your kid didn't. Learn from him.

Just file it away for future use ;)

I would wait until you are completely alone with him - find a way to be one on one. - tell him in a direct way - that if we wants to play the power thing in front of the other office idiots - fine... but if he ever dresses you down in front of your kid again - then you will track him, find him at his most vulnerable, and they will have to collect his body parts in Glad Snack Bags.

Smile at him and thank for your little motivational talk...

Every once in awhile stick a Glad snack bag into his "in" box.

Just drop it. The guy is an ass and at this point he can't see it for what it is so you won't get through to him which will frustrate you even more.

If this is the way he has always been and lasted 20 years then someone thinks he is worth putting up with. You can't fight that.

You DO NOT want to create a "him or you" situation.

I have had peers and bosses loose their s++t during heated "debates", I never react in kind but force myself to take the high road and remain unemotional and calm. End of the day I look like the mature one and whether or not I was wrong I look right because I kept my cool.

I outlasted 10 bosses in 12 years that way.

Good luck,
Scott

:D :D :D

LMAO! My boy would have loved that!

I agree with Scott. There are 2 types of people. Those that give ulcers and those that get them. Guess which type he is.
:rolleyes:

It's kinda like trying to teach a pig to dance. The pig will never learn. You will get dirt and mud on you, and the pig likes it.

Sounds like you made a nice "teachable moment" for your son. No matter how good of a job you do and how many people are appreciative of your efforts, there will always be at least one "Esso Bee" in every crowd.

I wouldn't go out of my way to shut him out, but it would be a long time before I went the extra mile for him like I would the other managers.

Ah, what a bummer! Something like this makes me very angry!
I dont do corporate, always been the Prez myself, but I feel for you.... this would eat me alive.

My first reaction would be to smack the guy upside the head.

However, I believe you're the better man, you obviously are very smart and above him; but your kid.... that's a low blow.

I've worked with alot of corporate guys and you have two types;
1. They take all the credit and give all the blame
2. They take all the blame and give all the credit

Both types seem to become successful sometimes. I stay away from type 1's and build friendships and mentorships with 2's.

As for your son, kids are the smartest people on earth..... he knows the truth about his Dad. Keep smiling and ignore the prick.



PS: When I see anyone with their kids, I ALWAYS use the opportunity to edify the parent anyway I can.... kids need the reassurances in their heros today and the parents always appreciate the compliments. There's no stronger way to edify someone.

Cheers!
now go get promoted above this guy......

Ok that was pretty rude. Wow, what an ass!

Let me guess, This Guy ( Ass**** ) is not well liked by many in the company but more just tolerated because of his position. In other words he's not one of the boys, He doesn't quite fit in.

Probably has some deep personality problem from living at home with his mother or something.

Can you tell I've run into one of these scumbags in my work too, and I'm self employed.

It was a broker I worked for and when things got real busy awhile back about a dozen of us independents went to work for another broker and left the idiot with no trucks for his jobs.

We didn't plan it or anything. Just everybody was tired of being treated with disrespect by this jerk at the same time I guess.


So what comes around go's around. It was Beautiful :)

Um yeah Mike, I'm gonna need you to move your stuff all the way down to "Storage B"...

Well, in a work environment, comments like that have no practical purpose.

It's out and out contempt that you're dealing with, for whatever reason it may be - however this guy needs a reality check. Working in an environment with some jackass taking potshots at you making your day tough shouldn't be dealt with.

One shot, OK maybe bad sense of humor. 2nd shot, maybe you'd better check again. 3rd shot, and in a crowd, gloves are off.

The comments in front of your kid would've been the last straw. Find something about him, and start your own game of character assassination. Not vulgar, nothing that will get you in to HR but definitely you need to dish out a bit of what you've been getting.

He's doing it because he can. Stick up for yourself.



rjp

I am afraid that I would have to wait til my son wasn't there, follow him into the bathroom and smash his face into the wall. Maybe hold his face/head in the toilet for a minute or two. See if that teaches him some manners.
If you don't have the nerve...then stand at the urinal next to him ....and "accidently" miss and soak his shoes.

The guy sounds like he feels threatened by you Lube....does he do this with other people...or just you.

And then why does he feel threatened....

If he does this with other people to..then it wasn't personal...just the way he is...and you can give him the cold shoulder by keeping him at arms length and by letting him be the last one to know anything all the while being prtofessional baut it...

If he does it ONLY with you then you have an ENEMY....maybe it's done outa fear on his part....you will at the very least keep a close eye on him....and CYA in EVERY encounter with him.

Then U have to determine is he activily trying to undermine you or is it just a passive thing....

End of LEsson #1

I'm with Tabs on this one.

He is threatened by you. Do what you can to subtly stop supporting him. Nothing obvious. Let him self-destruct. If it continues in public, discuss the situation with your direct superior. Do not confront him directly. If anything, he will use that against you.

You are in Amerika!

Shoot him!

Do you know what he drives, and where he parks it? Changing a tyre every couple of weeks will ***** him no end...

Hearing that convinces me that I can not work for anyone else and have to deal with crap like that. Thank God, I'm self-employed!

I agree with Tabs and Red Beard, I think this guy's threatened by you. I'd worry more about what he's saying when you're not around. I'd voice your concerns with your boss or his boss if your in the position to do so.

Damn,

I used my 911th post on my advice and I don't even like Lube;)

Oh well, I hope it works out for you. I know how frustrating the situation can be and how to deal with it is a tough call.

Just don't involve anyone else other than your direct boss, no peers or co-workers. It's amazing how someone can be your friend one day and stab you in the back the next.

Good Luck, you are a better man than he is and it will equal out one day.

Robert, this is such good advice. Kids want to look up to thier parents - especially sons when it comes to thier fathers. You can make someone's day when you compliment a father in front of his son.

As far as this a-hole, is he like this with everyone? If so, he's either related to the owner or somehow connected or he produces ungodly amounts of profit for the company. How else could he get away with this type of behavior.

kick him in the nuts in the parking lot.

Actually Static hit the nail on the head...kids are smart.

I guess I have a different take - someone like this does it because he can. Doing crap like that crossed a line. Do it to me in some power play to boost you up at work so you life has some meaning - OK - you are a worthless POS and I will keep my eye on you. Do it in front of my kid and you are crossing a line.

I'll mess with your head and your life as much as possible. The perverbial gloves are off. Like gay porn delivered to your place of business? How about creative and distructive ways to make your life miserable. Photoshoped pictures with you and animals. pizzas delivered to your home at 3:00am. How about your car disassembled in the parking lot? For $100 you can get a stripper to show up to the company function as his girlfriend - it's all a joke, right?

I'm glad I haven't pi$$ed you off lately Jeremy. ;-)

Sounds like this guy has identified you as the biggest threat to his job. That says something about you. His method of dealing with this says something about him.