how much do you sacrifice for your significant other?

[vash]

at a crossroad...

i picked my girlfriend because she is uber sweet. you know the kind that cant hurt a fly, never, ever has a bad thing to say,..one of the good people. me, i kill flies for sport, and i see people for what they are, good and bad. life is more real for me.

here comes the IRONY, the thing that i find most attractive in jen, is probably the biggest thorn in the relationship. she sees me as "mr negative attitude", and i am always trying to get her to peek over and past her rose colored glasses. yesterday, we saw a young attractive couple at the grocery store. they were picking up bbq supplies. they put a big bag of charcoal briquettes underneath the cart. when i came to checking out, the cashier missed it. i saw the eye contact between the couple, the smirk, and off they went. jen is, "what a sweet couple!" and i returned, "yeah real cute for shoplifters". so out comes the mr attitude speech. *****! i cant win. i dont care if people steal so much, it is just that the sweet couple wasnt that sweet. not as sweet as she pictured them. just real.

what bums me out is that all of my friend's have this yingyang relationship. the guys are typical bitter, and the ladies are sweet. they just deal with it. are we doomed? i know i would need therapy to change myself. or a pill....or should i just keep it to myself.

[juanbenae]

marry her, that'll fix everything.

[skipdup]

You don't sound like "mr negative attitude"... sounds like you're a realist, like me!

[arcsine]

Change for your reasons, not someone elses. Way too much bitterness being someone you are not. The tricky thing about this relationship thing is living the "accept that which we cannot change" philosophy.

[Moses]

You're a guy, she's a girl. Perfect!

As the years pass, she'll get more realistic and you'll soften a bit. That's how it's supposed to be. You will both be better people. Yin and Yang. Beautiful stuff.

[cantdrv55]

What Moses said.

[Westy]

Originally posted by Moses
As the years pass, she'll get more realistic and you'll soften a bit.

Yup that's about it. Many years ago I would kick the crap out of someone for a disparaging remark, now I laugh at them. Years ago my wife would talk peacably to the same person, now she asks me why I didn't kick the crap out of them.

[gatotom]

After being tyed to the same woman for over 30 yrs. I always think of Popeye saying..." I yam what I yam"

[livi]

I´m not sure. I think, generally, personality traits - neurotic styles if you will - tend to persevere or even get more pronounces with age.

At the same time we gain experience and maturity - less naive, more realistic - some bordering to cynicism. This way, IMO, we keep our basic personality threw life but with age we learn to live and let live. Perhaps cause the cost of conflicts is not worth it anymore.

Less romance - more acceptance as years go by.

She knows that I know that she knows that a certain behavior of hers really bugs me, but she can´t change who she is and I am fine with that cause I know all the other reasons why I love her. And vice versa...

My 2 Swedish crowns... SORRY FOR RANTING

[jyl]

No need to change yourself to be sweeter. Plenty of other sources of sweetness.

Jewelry = sweetness

Flowers = sweetness

Romantic candlelight dinners = sweetness

OK, the idea makes me hurl too, but if your back's to the wall . . .

[Erakad]

Vash....gotta pass, too many beers. Will leave you with this, why the hell do you care what the other couple do...let it go, will it change anything, no...let it go, you've got a cute GF, life is good, nothing you say is going to change what they did anyway...let it go...(OBTW, might want to try say...."Yes dear"...practice it.

Oh yeah, gotta pass

[Jims5543]

My wife has the same issue with me. I used to play this game years ago when waiting for a flight. (I learned it from a Esquire article) I would find a person or couple across the way and start spinning a horrible story about him/her/them until you wanted to go over and hit them.

I am just like you Vash. My wife sees a cute couple I am looking for the flaws.

I have learned and you will learn too. I usually just go, "uh huh, yeah baby they are cute" and keep my true thoughts to myself.

I have to do that with her one brother and sister. Loosers with a capital L, but if one of them takes a good dump the whole family is gushing how wonderful it is. I just hold in my vomit and keep my mouth closed.

Being different is what makes the relationship fun, if she was just like me I would hate her. I hate myself sometimes.

[Taz's Master]

Come on vash, without the tendancy to look for the best in people, what would she think of you? Cancel that out of her personality and where would your relationship be? You wouldn't like her, and chances are she wouldn't like you much if she were to focus on your shortcomings. Life's not fair; what you like to eat makes you fat, dogs don't live long enough, and what attracts you to women drives you nuts. If it gets to be too much, there's lots of good info on the anti-depressant thread.

[cstreit]

I'm not going to vote whether or not you should stay with her, I don't want to get involved... (so why am I posting, haha?)

..but ask yourself why it bugs you so much that she says that you are Mr. Negative. You see things one way, she see's them another... You pointed out the flaw, she pointed out the positive.

It all comes down to how you choose to see things.

I think in a relationship there should be balance and you have it. Question is, can you (and her) accept the opposing view.

...and if that's the biggest sacrifice you have to make, your a blessed man! Me? I have to contend with a wife that insists upon having the toilet seat down! Sheesh!

[austin552]

Be more positive man. Don't look back one day and regret your loss.

[HardDrive]

"what bums me out is that all of my friend's have this yingyang relationship. the guys are typical bitter, and the ladies are sweet"

You ain't met my wife brother. The pit bulls tried to get her banned from the neighborhood.

[nostatic]

two words: community property

[red-beard]

I wish I'd figured this out 20 years ago....

What is most important in a relationship is your values. If you value the same things then you have a shot at a long term relationship...