Pelican Parts Forums - What you need to know to believe in gun control

I'm tired of all the Iraq bickering, how 'bout good ol' fashioned gun control...

It's amazing what one has to believe
to believe in gun control

by Michael Z. Williamson

KeepAndBearArms.com —

That people who own guns out of a fear of crime are paranoid, but people who don't want other people to own guns in case it causes them to commit crimes are rational.

That guns are the real cause of crime, but we will blame and jail the owner of said gun for the crime, even if the owner wasn't the person involved.

That a mugger will kill you in the half-second it takes to draw from the holster, but won't harm you while you dial 911 on your cell phone, talk to the dispatcher and wait half an hour for the cops to arrive.

That gun control works, which is why there are no illegal weapons in Northern Ireland or Beirut.

That the Second Amendment only applies to flintlocks, just as the First Amendment only applies to quills and lead type.

That the proper response to an attack is to call the police, but only unarmed police, because "Violence never settles anything."

That it's wrong to make snide, sexist comments about women, unless the comments are about women who own guns.

That a gun with an 11 round magazine is dangerous, but a gun with fifteen 10 round magazines is much safer.

That a hijacker could easily take a gun away from a pilot, but the hundreds of passengers aboard would then be unable to take the gun away from the hijacker.

That if there'd been a gun aboard American Airlines Flight 11, someone could have been hurt.

That rapists prefer to attack armed women so they can take the guns and use them against the victims.

That 1 firearm owner in 10,000 will commit an act of violence in his or her lifetime, and this is far more frightening than the 25% of drivers who will cause a serious or fatal accident.

That you should rely on police in lieu of your gun, just as you should rely on a dentist in lieu of your toothbrush.

That car keys, umbrellas and hairspray are good tools for self-defense, despite the fact that police continue to carry guns.

That Washington DC's low murder rate of 80.6 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, but Arlington, Virginia's high murder rate of 1.6 per 100,000 is attributable to the lack of gun control.

That the depressed and emotionally disturbed should not be allowed to own guns that shoot bullets with 250 ft-lbs of energy, but should be allowed to own 4000 lb cars with 1,136,000 ft-lbs of energy (at 65 mph).

That "assault weapons" are "very powerful" but big game hunters oddly prefer .30-06s and .375 H&Hs.

That we should outlaw bullet proof vests so criminals can't use them, and private citizens should be then proud to be killed in the crossfire, knowing they are doing their part for society.

That among the hundreds of documented cases against anti-gun freaks we note that: the press secretary of Handgun Control was arrested in DC for discharging an illegal handgun, a ranking regional officer of the Million Moron March was convicted of felony assault, and other Million Morons in Colorado have been arrested for attacking firearm dealers and activists, but "gun nuts" are "obsessed with violence."

That the laws against specifically named weapons have been found unconstitutional, that the laws against "types" of weapons have been considered vague, that the laws against cosmetic features are easy to comply with and still produce the identical mechanism, and that laws against particular mechanisms are unconstitutional is an indication of the "obsessiveness" of firearms enthusiasts to do what they enjoy doing, against the wishes of the narrow minded prudes who wish to stop them, and not an indication of the obsessiveness of the ignorant paranoids who fear them.

That NASA, the military, physiologists, anatomists and trainers all agree and Olympic scores confirm that men on average have tremendously more upper body strength than women, but women should try to defend themselves with martial arts and not a gun.

That it's terrible when police officers plant weapons on a suspect to enable them to make an arrest, but we should have tougher laws against weapons and trust the police not to abuse them in this way.

That police arriving at 80mph are a better way to stop criminals than bullets arriving at 800mph.

That people buy guns as "substitute penises," because they know that only people with small penises ever get attacked by criminals.

That Hitler and Stalin didn't disarm citizens, only Jews, Gypsies, gays, unionists and other "undesirables." (Yes, a liberal member of the MMM actually said this in the Washington Post.)

That to properly understand Nazi gun control, one must consider the "legitimate fears" they had of the Jewish population. (This was another self-proclaimed liberal. I'm beginning to wonder.)

That families with children should not be allowed to own guns for safety reasons, just as they aren't allowed to own dogs, power tools, or toxic chemicals.

That it's wrong to destroy someone's life over an administrative crime by jailing them and impoverishing their family, unless that crime is to own a gun.

That a law that allows someone to keep doing "X" that has been legal for years, in the face of another, badly written law that says they can't do "Y", is a "loophole."

That it's wrong to politicize that the World Trade Center attackers didn't need guns to hijack a plane, but okay to politicize that the Columbine killers bought guns…illegally.

That when someone dies because they couldn't get a drug the government won't approve, it's tragic, but when someone dies because they couldn't defend themselves with a gun the government won't approve, that's just life.

That a criminal is somehow more of a threat to a cop than to a regular person, so police need guns and regular citizens don't.

That the "Reasonable" uses for guns are hunting and target shooting, but not self-defense. In other words, it's acceptable to use them as toys but not as lifesaving devices.

That .50 caliber rifles are both "very rare" and "selling like hotcakes."

That the fact that .50 caliber rifles are very rare justifies banning them, just as the rarity of Lamborghinis and other high-performance cars justifies banning them.

That one has the moral obligation to make a citizen's arrest when one sees a felony in progress, and that it should be accomplished by yelling at the perpetrator, "Stop! Or I'll yell 'stop' again!" rather than by drawing a weapon.

That intelligent people should support gun control because they realize they are too stupid to be trusted with guns.

That a gun is merely an inadequate substitute for a penis, so when attacked by a mugger one should pull out a…

That a gun is a symbolic penis…what this has to do with defending one's life I have no idea. It simply serves to prove that anti-defense psychiatrists clearly have Freudian issues that THEY need to address.

That reasonable licensing fees will stop casual ownership of guns, but anyone who would jump through hoops to own a gun is obsessive.

That outlawing the carrying of guns will stop people from doing so, just as lowering the speed limit stops reckless driving.

That we should deal with the problem of criminals using illegal weapons by taking lawful weapons away from honest people.

That we should ban guns-if it saves even one life, it's worth it, just as we should ban assemblies where people might be trampled to death-if it saves just one life, it's worth it, and we should ban speech by groups who offend public order-if it saves just one life, it's worth it, and we should ban unhealthy foods-if it saves just one life, it's worth it, and…

That a punk wakes up one morning, and thinks, "Gee, instead of robbing, raping, sodomizing and killing a young woman, why don't I turn my $400 gun in for $20 and a pizza and go work at McDonald's?"

That the more helpless you are, the safer you are from criminals.

That you should give a mugger your wallet, because he doesn't really want to shoot you and he'll let you go, but that you should give him your wallet, because he'll shoot you if you don't.

That despite all the outrage about Corporate America's cavalier treatment of employees, Domino's Pizza's demand that employees be unarmed is an altruistic effort to stop them from hurting themselves, and not a calculated financial bid to avoid having a lawsuit filed by a dead robber's family.

That one can sue a store for having a slick floor, falling ceilings, and sharp corners, but if they refuse to let you bring a gun in and you get shot by a criminal, they aren't liable for enforcing that rule with others.

That there is no right of self defense, and the police are not legally obligated to respond to my cries for help when disarmed, but you can sue them if they take too long to get to a traffic accident.

That assault rifles are far too powerful to hunt deer and elk, and too dangerous for private citizens to own, but are too impotent for modern warfare, too weak to reliably kill soldiers, and have no place in the concept of a citizen reserve.

That there's no incongruity in claiming the preferred weapon of a drug dealer is a $25 .22 caliber pocket pistol, and claiming the preferred weapon of a drug dealer is a $2000 machinegun in the same piece of propaganda.

That any cheap weapon is a "Saturday night special," and any expensive weapon is an "assault weapon."

That "Cops" and other shows are edited to show the boring encounters with traffic stops and the occasional drunken fool with a revolver in his pocket, and never show the millions of cases where the cops are gunned down in droves by machinegun toting drug dealers.

That "NYPD Blue" and "Miami Vice" are documentaries.