The Porsche Wave-Ten Simple Rules
 

I have been the proud owner of a pristine '83 911SC for four years now and have enjoyed the fellowship and comeraderie (sp?) of sharing the "Porsche wave" with other Porschephiles that I pass on the road.

I recently purchased a '99 996 (gasp) with a (double gasp) Tiptronic as a daily driver (you can't beat the water cooled if you have a six minute commute). Much to my dismay I found that my air cooled bretheren no longer grace me with "the wave." Now in Chicago Porsches are rarer than zits on Angelena Jolie's ass (I would think anyway) , so the wave is hardly aerobic activity, unlike sunny Southern California where the greatest hazard of Porsche ownership is tennis elbow or wrist tendonitis. This has precipitated many hours of thought resulting in a solution to Fermat's Theorem and ten simple rules to live by.

So what are the rules of "the wave?" I thought it appropriate to codify the basics so we all know where we stand.

1- '79-98 911's get an enthusiastic wave
2- '74-78 911's get a wave of sympathy
3- Boxsters get a wave only if they wave first
4- Cayenne owners get a hostile stare or middle finger
5- '99-05 911's - see Boxster
6- Pre '73 911's get a wave and salute
7- 356's- see pre '73
8- 914's get a nod
9- 924, 928,944,968 get eye contact
10- "special" Porsches (anything not covered previously)
Use your best judgement.

A special note about women in Porsche's: It is probably their boyfriend's, or they are a dyke, or they are stuck up and won't wave back anyway, or they will think you are hitting on them and reject you (unless you look like Lorenzo Llamas or other movie star), so NEVER wave to a woman in a Porsche unless she is your sister, mom, coworker, concubine, paramour, or neighbor.

These are meant to be a few simple rules- not the Ten Commandments. Be careful out there!

Well said!

Glenn,

Those are fantastic rules and so true. Those would be great for a t-shirt but with your approval of course. However, I would add that a classic VW bug deserves an honorable mention wave.

After discussion with my board of directors the T-shirt idea is approved.

you forgot to mention the tractor boys...

I'm in for a t shirt after the 78's are bought into the wave.

SC's should really get a wave, an enthusiastic arm pump, and an explitive expression like "F' Yeah".

Approved-78's are correctly placed in the enthusiastic wave category. I should be flogged at the oversight as an SC owner!!

Get the final rules together and I can make t shirts @ cost+ shipping...

I now have two porsches a 97 and a 73 but unfortunately spend most of the time riding around in a company car...standard issue GM four door. I see a porsche, get excited and wave....then they look at the pontiac and give me the "what the @#%#$ is wrong with that guy" look. Oh well, at least I am trying to follow your 10 commandments.

Matt

I disagree STRONGLY with several things you said. First, a 914 gets a nod, but a 928 or 944 only gets eye contact? The 914 is the ugliest, most useless piece of crap Porsche (or should I say VW) ever put out. Even the 6-cyl version has no reason for existence. Secondly, the 928 is the most luxurious, most advanced, best performing (yes, it is), fastest, street car Porsche ever produced. It was Porsche's top of the line model all 18 years of production. But it only gets eye contact?? Dude, the 928 gets a salute AND a bow, even if you're not a fan of it. And the 944, even though it's not a favorite of mine, outsold every other model EVERY single year it was produced. That in itself doesn't make it a great car, but it deserves more than just eye contact. At least a nod.

The 914 looks fine, and it is quite smart as a -6.

I would nod to 928. At least it would seem to be a nod from your perspective because I would actually be trying to hold down a wretch.

I'll take a Vomint please.

Probably though, I would be willing to raise an index finger for a 924/44/28.

Well lets decide the final form of the rules and get it codified. Possibly granite block at SCWDP world headquarters.

In 2005 eyes, the 944 gets a look the other way, I don't care how many were sold. Did I love it when it came out? Of course. I was a kid, and it was a Porsche... but I do agree with you about the 928. Sweet car. Boxters get a jerk off motion while rolling my eyes, if you ask me. No, I've never driven one, Blah blah blah. Yes, I'd take my '70 T Targa over a Boxter any day. A "T" AND a Targa? Yuck! (I love it...)
Where does the Cayman fit in on the list? I guess under 10. Newborns always get the attention, then they get ugly.
Geez I sound angry. Happy Saturday! Off to a party with people I don't know from Adam. Should be fun. I'll be more civil when I get home...the Boxster still sucks.

Glenn, your Porschamandments are going to go down in history.

I am in for a T-shirt!! Dealing with CIS issues right now in my 76 need a wave and sympathy!

Short Wheelbase Cars (1964-1968) should get a thumbs up or "OK" sign, not a wave. All that air moving can make the RUST worse.

Signed, a SWB owner.

Great thread, btw.

The 914 was truer to Porsche's roots then any & every "new model" introduced after the 901 in 1964...it was a very simple, no frills, sports car with the AIR COOLED VW BASED engine in the middle, just like Gmund Porsche #1....anyone that has ever driven one on a real "Porsche Road" knows what a great little box-o-fun they are...911's they are NOT, but, I'd take a crapped out 914 anyday of the week over ANY of the 924-944-928 water babies, (& they're STILL out there whuppin' ass at auto X's & racetracks around the world)..........if it ain't AIR, it's SQUARE !!!! (but in fairness...the 914 is really quite square, just not THAT kind of "SQUARE") Ask any Porsche mechanic what he or she would rather work on...a 944/928 or a Buick....most will pick the Buick !

Disclaimer: I am so sorry if I have upset any 924-944-928 owner/fans. I am an AIR ONLY guy & believe strongly that if NOT for the D.O.T./Calif. smog regs., Porsche would STILL be AIR COOLED, like the good Dr. intended. The ONLY reason the 924-944-928 ever got built was these regs./laws...PERIOD !!!!

It's not that I DON'T acknowledge a 996... I usually mistake them for a Mitsubishi Eclipse until it's too late.

Likewise, I've flashed my lights at more than one Eclipse.

BTW....I wave at ALL Porsche's from Cayenne's to replica's....anyone that want's to own or drive a Porsche (or Porsche like) car diserves a wave.....with ALL 5 FINGERS ! (I even wave a Bimmers, sometimes...if we're both rockin' down a road together, with me leading , of course...)

Re: The Porsche Wave-Ten Simple Rules
 

Well that's good. Thing is, "'99-05 911's" I usually think that I AM seeing Boxster.

Pretty funny stuff, Glenn ... esp coming from a 996 owner. (lucky for you, ya have an SC too ;) )

I'll second that.