The Porsche Wave-Ten Simple Rules
 

I have been the proud owner of a pristine '83 911SC for four years now and have enjoyed the fellowship and comeraderie (sp?) of sharing the "Porsche wave" with other Porschephiles that I pass on the road.

I recently purchased a '99 996 (gasp) with a (double gasp) Tiptronic as a daily driver (you can't beat the water cooled if you have a six minute commute). Much to my dismay I found that my air cooled bretheren no longer grace me with "the wave." Now in Chicago Porsches are rarer than zits on Angelena Jolie's ass (I would think anyway) , so the wave is hardly aerobic activity, unlike sunny Southern California where the greatest hazard of Porsche ownership is tennis elbow or wrist tendonitis. This has precipitated many hours of thought resulting in a solution to Fermat's Theorem and ten simple rules to live by.

So what are the rules of "the wave?" I thought it appropriate to codify the basics so we all know where we stand.

1- '79-98 911's get an enthusiastic wave
2- '74-78 911's get a wave of sympathy
3- Boxsters get a wave only if they wave first
4- Cayenne owners get a hostile stare or middle finger
5- '99-05 911's - see Boxster
6- Pre '73 911's get a wave and salute
7- 356's- see pre '73
8- 914's get a nod
9- 924, 928,944,968 get eye contact
10- "special" Porsches (anything not covered previously)
Use your best judgement.

A special note about women in Porsche's: It is probably their boyfriend's, or they are a dyke, or they are stuck up and won't wave back anyway, or they will think you are hitting on them and reject you (unless you look like Lorenzo Llamas or other movie star), so NEVER wave to a woman in a Porsche unless she is your sister, mom, coworker, concubine, paramour, or neighbor.

These are meant to be a few simple rules- not the Ten Commandments. Be careful out there!

Well said!

Glenn,

Those are fantastic rules and so true. Those would be great for a t-shirt but with your approval of course. However, I would add that a classic VW bug deserves an honorable mention wave.

After discussion with my board of directors the T-shirt idea is approved.

you forgot to mention the tractor boys...

I'm in for a t shirt after the 78's are bought into the wave.

SC's should really get a wave, an enthusiastic arm pump, and an explitive expression like "F' Yeah".

Approved-78's are correctly placed in the enthusiastic wave category. I should be flogged at the oversight as an SC owner!!

Get the final rules together and I can make t shirts @ cost+ shipping...

I now have two porsches a 97 and a 73 but unfortunately spend most of the time riding around in a company car...standard issue GM four door. I see a porsche, get excited and wave....then they look at the pontiac and give me the "what the @#%#$ is wrong with that guy" look. Oh well, at least I am trying to follow your 10 commandments.

Matt

I disagree STRONGLY with several things you said. First, a 914 gets a nod, but a 928 or 944 only gets eye contact? The 914 is the ugliest, most useless piece of crap Porsche (or should I say VW) ever put out. Even the 6-cyl version has no reason for existence. Secondly, the 928 is the most luxurious, most advanced, best performing (yes, it is), fastest, street car Porsche ever produced. It was Porsche's top of the line model all 18 years of production. But it only gets eye contact?? Dude, the 928 gets a salute AND a bow, even if you're not a fan of it. And the 944, even though it's not a favorite of mine, outsold every other model EVERY single year it was produced. That in itself doesn't make it a great car, but it deserves more than just eye contact. At least a nod.

The 914 looks fine, and it is quite smart as a -6.

I would nod to 928. At least it would seem to be a nod from your perspective because I would actually be trying to hold down a wretch.

I'll take a Vomint please.

Probably though, I would be willing to raise an index finger for a 924/44/28.

Well lets decide the final form of the rules and get it codified. Possibly granite block at SCWDP world headquarters.

In 2005 eyes, the 944 gets a look the other way, I don't care how many were sold. Did I love it when it came out? Of course. I was a kid, and it was a Porsche... but I do agree with you about the 928. Sweet car. Boxters get a jerk off motion while rolling my eyes, if you ask me. No, I've never driven one, Blah blah blah. Yes, I'd take my '70 T Targa over a Boxter any day. A "T" AND a Targa? Yuck! (I love it...)
Where does the Cayman fit in on the list? I guess under 10. Newborns always get the attention, then they get ugly.
Geez I sound angry. Happy Saturday! Off to a party with people I don't know from Adam. Should be fun. I'll be more civil when I get home...the Boxster still sucks.

Glenn, your Porschamandments are going to go down in history.

I am in for a T-shirt!! Dealing with CIS issues right now in my 76 need a wave and sympathy!

Short Wheelbase Cars (1964-1968) should get a thumbs up or "OK" sign, not a wave. All that air moving can make the RUST worse.

Signed, a SWB owner.

Great thread, btw.

The 914 was truer to Porsche's roots then any & every "new model" introduced after the 901 in 1964...it was a very simple, no frills, sports car with the AIR COOLED VW BASED engine in the middle, just like Gmund Porsche #1....anyone that has ever driven one on a real "Porsche Road" knows what a great little box-o-fun they are...911's they are NOT, but, I'd take a crapped out 914 anyday of the week over ANY of the 924-944-928 water babies, (& they're STILL out there whuppin' ass at auto X's & racetracks around the world)..........if it ain't AIR, it's SQUARE !!!! (but in fairness...the 914 is really quite square, just not THAT kind of "SQUARE") Ask any Porsche mechanic what he or she would rather work on...a 944/928 or a Buick....most will pick the Buick !

Disclaimer: I am so sorry if I have upset any 924-944-928 owner/fans. I am an AIR ONLY guy & believe strongly that if NOT for the D.O.T./Calif. smog regs., Porsche would STILL be AIR COOLED, like the good Dr. intended. The ONLY reason the 924-944-928 ever got built was these regs./laws...PERIOD !!!!

It's not that I DON'T acknowledge a 996... I usually mistake them for a Mitsubishi Eclipse until it's too late.

Likewise, I've flashed my lights at more than one Eclipse.

BTW....I wave at ALL Porsche's from Cayenne's to replica's....anyone that want's to own or drive a Porsche (or Porsche like) car diserves a wave.....with ALL 5 FINGERS ! (I even wave a Bimmers, sometimes...if we're both rockin' down a road together, with me leading , of course...)

Re: The Porsche Wave-Ten Simple Rules
 

Well that's good. Thing is, "'99-05 911's" I usually think that I AM seeing Boxster.

Pretty funny stuff, Glenn ... esp coming from a 996 owner. (lucky for you, ya have an SC too ;) )

I'll second that.

No real point in waving at Boxster owners. They seem to feel that you driving an older Porsche is some underhanded attempt to join their exclusive club. F'em.

I don't know about the middle finger to Cayenne owners. If I was going to spend > $50K on an SUV, you can bet it would be one of them. Also, several PCA members in my region own them in addition to 911s.

Also, who said Boxsters suck? Puhlease, they are different, and maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but they most certainly deserve respect. Have you read any reviews of the new 987s?

Let's face it, Porsche really ain't in the habit of putting out junk...

Any Porsche tractor met on the highway deserves a salute.
Les

Hey Lee,
So true. I can't count the times I see a 996 coming toward me and it is really a Mitsubishi Eclipse. Funny.
F**k you Glenn, the wave of sympathy is from me as I dust you in my 1975 911S3.6.
Nick

Hard Drive, I agree with you minus the explitive. Nobody with a Porsche later than '89 will even look at my car, I think they are ashamed they spent so much and aren't having as much fun operating the hand throttle and cooling off the way God intended with the roof off. Sympathy wave for my leaky valve guides.

Ed, I was not ripping the Boxster as a vehicle.

I was talking about their owners. From my experience, they are a pretty unfriendly lot. I don't think they identify with other Porsche owners. Not sure how to put it......they bought a Porsche to seen in a Porsche. Most of the 911 owners I know (make that all) are interested in the car, the history, the technology. I simply don't find this with the Boxster owners.

Yes, I am making huge generalizations....but within every stereotype is a kernel of truth.

you must not wrench on your own car..when you've had your hands on nearly every bolt and wire on your own, painstakingly taken it apart, put it back together again and felt that huge measure of satisfaction that you're maintaining a piece of great automotive heritage you don't give a **** who waves and who doesn't wave..whatever freakin' year it is. this is just one more of those tired self-serving 'us/them' threads that pop up from time to time..yawn. send me a t-shirt..i'll gladly use your gesture of sympathy for a free grease rag..after all it's a middie, right?
ryan

I am up for one of those shirts I think it is a great idea

I'd second that.

I think rule #2 should be placed in your Non Gradus Anus. See what happens to a guy after he buys a 996? No wonder nobody waves at you.

HardDrive, I wasn't referring to your post, someone else-gassy(?)-specifically said B's suck.

I agree, most of the owners don't have a clue, but the car's are pretty slick IMO.

74-77 should get a thumbs up for safety.

They're the most defensive drivers on the road!

I have to agree, I never would get a return wave from a boxster, I stopped waving at them quite a while ago.

I retract my statement that Boxters suck. As they are part of the P car family, I realize that Boxters are fantastic machines. I wouldn't kick one out of my garage for leaking oil... It's just that I see so G-damn many of them. Can't put my finger on it...just see way too many of them, mostly driven by *****s who probably say Porsh.
Let the flaming begin...

All post 77 cars owe the "middies" a word of thanks. Our car's were used as a platform to explore the outer reaches of design in terms of metalurgy, safety, and emissions.

How do you get a bullet proof SC. Three years of R&D from 74-77. LOL! Anyway I feel everyone should wave at everyone.....Can't we all just get along????

As per 914,
True it is one of the fugliest cars ever produced, but in terms of Porsche heritage I feel that it is ahead. Ok first I consider the 356 as THE Porsche. The quality that the 356 had: Lightweight, handling over power, reliability, and "cheap" perhaps even "quirkyness". In my opinion the 914 has those qualities better even than the 356 God (although we all know who has the beauty in that relationship). While it is true that the 911 is the ultimate for some reason there is no better feeling than a 4 cylinder "VW" like the 356,550,and I will add the 914 even though it does not have the pedigree beating V12 Ferraris. Doing that with the 911 is somehow not quite as epic (although it is still always amazing how the 911 is the only 6 cylinder car in GT racing, nevermind the best car in GT racing).
As per Boxsters,
One time I waved at one and he gave me a really mystified wave back. Maybe he was just confused, thought he knew me etc. but I like to think of it as he was confused as to why he was being acknowledged in his cracker box. I feel that we should acknowledge the new Porsches even though alot of them are pricks. I mean how do we show them that WE are not pricks?
Older Water coolers,
The 928 is a true Porsche. And the 924 evolution was a good idea by Porsche again. However, from my experience these are the guys who lust after the water-cooled 911s. Usually have no idea what Porsche means, just want the prestige, yet have no money for a 996/Boxster. It is a shame that it is that way. 914 owners have to be more hardcore than these guys so they normally know the history.

Basically I will enthusiastically wave at anything Porsche. Hell I will even wave at a Vette. If they dont wave back at me then they just proved that they are a F*&%.

Flame on,
Please have mercy on my car (Middie Targa, funny how all of the middies are augmenting peace love and happiness)

Don't you guys think you are taking this too seriously?

yes. you got a problem wit 'dat? ;)

sounded like a nice, friendly retaliatory invitation to me. just expressing my own first ammendment rights to free retort. **** with one middie, you've ****ed with all middies, eh guys? isn't this how revolutions begin?? sure we're only four years of the model, but all david needed was basically large balls to slay goliath. okay..i can relax now..med time..;)
ryan

" 2- '74-77 911's get a wave of sympathy"

Sooo . . . What is so horrid about that?

Those owners bought cars which needed quite a bit of extra attention. They pushed the limits of the mag case, often had rust issues, and had to deal with some really bad emission equipment, .

Hello! ... this is no big secret here.

Though, pre 74 911's get even more sympathy from me. . . no real bumpers, and I think that the bodies must have been sculpted from sugar-cubes. (do NOT drive them in the rain.) :cool:

quote: "A special note about women in Porsche's: It is probably their boyfriend's, or they are a dyke, or they are stuck up and won't wave back anyway"

Not always. In the past month in Santa Barbara I had a woman in a light yellow ~72 targa initiate an enthusiastic wave. A few days before that a couple fine ladies in a blue 80s coupe were waving madly as I drove by.

As far as 914s go, I always liked them and if you should get a chance to drive one fast thru the twisties, you'll like them too. I also liked the way they look.

As far as #2 goes, (middle year sympathy?) jeez, for any mid-year that's on the road, their issues were sorted out long ago and they are great cars....they are 911s for cryin out loud.

Amazingly, after I had long since given up ever being acknowledged by the drivers of 996's after I had given them a nice look and wave, some guy in a really nice black 996 cab actually waved enthusiastically at me <I>first</I>! I was so surprised that I almost forgot to wave back, then I had to work double-time to get my hand up for a quick wave before he passed me and thought <I>I</I> was the prick with the '"classic" :eek:

I'm guessing that the 996 was not his first Porsche...and understands the feeling of brotherhood amongst us.