Which type of Porsche owner are you?

[cantdrv55]

Stole this from a bike forum. I had to split the posts into two. Look at the first and second post and decide which type of Porsche owner you are.

You should at least recognize that there are different types of Porsche owners out there:
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PORSCHE PEOPLE
One of the best things about being an active member of a local chapter of the PCA is that you get to meet a lot of interesting people. And, contrary to the popular stereotype of Porsche owners as unemployed rich people, we are a diverse lot. We have members who are mechanics, accountants, tradesmen, lawyers, florists, doctors, students, retirees, and housewives. We have teenage members, young adult members, middle-age members and members in their 80's. We have Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Agnostics. Just about any way you choose to slice it, the membership is diverse. However, this doesn't mean that people who own Porsches can't be categorized in other ways. I find that I can pigeonhole individuals based on some other measures. It's fun to do this, since it strips each person of his individuality and allows me to simplify my world. Basically, I classify owners based on how they use their cars and to a lesser extent on what kind of Porsche they drive (or want to drive- since some of our members don't have cars). Herewith, my list, in no particular order -- with special emphasis on my personal biases and stereotypes.

STATUS CONSCIOUS
Peter Schutz, former president of Porsche, once said; "for some people, a Porsche is nothing more than a fur coat, it's something you wear, not something you drive". Peter was describing the STATUS owner. It is extremely unlikely that you will ever meet one of these owners at a Club event. Why? Because they don't know that the Club exists, and they wouldn't join it if they did. These are the people that create the unfavorable Porsche-owner stereotype. They overdress, wear too much gold, park in handicapped zones, have bad traffic manners, and look down their noses at everyone. If you happen to meet one of them in say, a parking lot, and you are not driving your Porsche the conversation could go something like this:

You: "Nice 993, how do you like it?"

STATUS owner: "Actually it's not a '93, it's a '97 'Porsh' Carrera. I like it okay, but you have to shift it a lot and my wife's Lexus rides much better. I might trade it for a Boxer, they ride smoother and you can get an automatic in them. I know a guy at the dealership"

This guy knows absolutely nothing about Porsches except what they cost. The Porsche Gods created STATUS owners so the rest of us could get good used cars. When the status effect of the car wears off and they discover that Porsches "ride like sports cars", STATUS owners sell them and move on to Lincoln SUV's~ or stretch Hummers. Meanwhile, we all suffer.

THE WORRIER
The WORRIER is the Porsche owner (usually a new owner) who frets constantly about every detail regarding his baby. Most of us are WORRIERS to some degree when we get our first Porsche. WORRIERS will approach everyone in the club about which weight and brand of oil they should use in their car. They'll get on the inter-net and research endlessly trying to find the best leather conditioner, aromatherapy wax, herbal car wash, tire pressure gauge, etc. They'll change their oil every 500 miles and replace the air in their tires because it might be stale. They'll short-shift their car at 2500 RPM just to make sure it doesn't get over-revved (even though the previous owner may have regularly banged it up against redline). The WORRIER won't corner his car hard because that would place undue strain on the delicate chassis. These guys are usually cured when they discover that their anal behavior has actually done more damage than good to their car; "Well, sir, you car runs like crap because the valves and combustion chambers are totally carboned up -you should run this thing hard through the gears every once in awhile to clean it out." Or: "I'm sorry sir, but your paint was damaged by leaving the bra on your car while it was raining.'' If the WORRIER isn't cured quickly he may evolve into the undesirable "QUEEN."

THE GARAGE QUEENS
These are the guys that will only drive their Porsches if they are going to a Concours - and only if they absolutely have to. Even if a concours requires that a car be driven rather than trailered, a QUEEN will try to figure how he can trailer it surreptitiously within a few blocks of the show, then push it to the event (so he doesn't stir up any dirt in the engine compartment). If you are unlucky enough to have a car that he perceives as competition, be forewarned. The QUEEN will carefully scrutinize your car while wearing a facial expression like he is examining a turd. The QUEEN often has very good knowledge of the historical details of his car because that knowledge relates directly to how the car can be scored in a concours. This knowledge also allows him to lose first place with dignity: "I guess John deserved to win first place, although I am surprised that the judges ignored the fact that he didn't have original tread-pattern Continentals on his car". GARAGE QUEENS wouldn't think of driving their cars "hard" because they didn't buy them to drive, they bought them to collect trophies. The best thing about QUEENS is that you probably won't see them at any events other than concours or shows unless they also own a "driver" Porsche (see "Cautions and Warnings"). The only exception to all of this drivel is the QUEEN that owns and shows a truly classic Porsche (904, 959, Speedster, etc). Usually you will find that this type of QUEEN will actually drive his car (even the Porsche factory pulls out the 917's once in awhile so they can flog them on a race track).

THE PORSCHE PURIST
This is the guy that would make Dr. Porsche proud. He is what I aspire to be when I grow up. He owns any model of Porsche. First and foremost, the PURIST knows that Porsches are made to be driven. His car is clean and well maintained and may have been mildly modified with upgrades such as tires, wheels, a raspy exhaust system, etc. He's owned this car for awhile and he drives it regularly. His car will inevitably show the wear and tear of being a daily driver. It means that this car will probably never win a concours. But, over the years, his car will begin to acquire a well-worn patina, similar to the kind that you would find on that jack knife that your grandfather carried around in his pocket for 40 years. Unless you are also a PURIST, he is having more fun with his Porsche than you are - no matter what you are doing with yours.

THE WATERBOYS
These are water-cooled Porsche owners. Although this category obviously includes 928s, 924s, Boxsters, and the new 911s, I'm thinking particularly of 944s, and 968s. They are usually a friendly lot, even though they know that the purists are always thinking, "real Porsches aren't water-cooled". WATERBOYS are well tolerated these days because the turbo versions of these cars are so fast and viceless on the track. If you are an air-cooled owner and you persist in tormenting a WATERBOY, he's likely to get fed up and challenge you to a lap or two at Heartland Park. Personally, I like WATERBOYS, because they really seem to enjoy their cars and they drive them "as they were intended". Besides, the new water-cooled Porsches are the best Porsches yet in terms of performance, and like it or not, they represent the future of the marque.

TECHNOS
Everyone knows who the TECHNO is, he's the guy that can quote by memory the entire text of Karl Ludvigsen's massive "Porsche -Excellence Was Expected". TECHNOS are useful as Club pets because at many events you don't have Internet access to the Library of Congress. They can answer most of your Porsche-related questions right off the top of their head. If you want to have some fun, ask a TECHNO a question that he can't answer -- he'll be up for three days straight trying to figure it out so he can preserve his honor. They can drive any kind of Porsche, it doesn't really matter, they see themselves more as experts on Porsche lore rather than active participants in the Porsche driving experience.

[cantdrv55]

Second part of owner types.

WILD-ASS GEAR HEADS
These are basically hot rodders who have chosen Porsches instead of Hemi-Cudas. The car sitting at the top of the GEARHEAD pyramid is the aircooled Turbo. Most serious GEARHEAD cars are faster than their track-car counterparts. These cars are so highly modified that they even scare their owners. As a matter of fact, this is the ultimate goal. GEARHEADS won't stop tweaking until their cars have taken on a "you'd better watch your ass with me" attitude. When you get close to a serious GEARHEAD car you can feel all the little hairs on your body stand on end kind of like you were part of a static electricity exhibit at Science City. If you talk to one of these guys, they invariably have a tremendous amount of respect for their cars (the ones that don't are already dead). GEARHEADS like to talk about the time that their cars jumped up in the air and changed lanes when they grabbed fourth gear at 120 miles per hour. The cars are immaculate, except for little smears on the paint caused by hitting bugs at 150 miles per hour (on the way to the Club breakfast). GEARHEADS usually don't show up for many of the Club events because they are too busy doing things like having their pistons ceramic-coated or installing 962 water-cooled heads and 917 rotor/caliper assemblies on their cars. When they aren't tweaking their cars they relax by looking for roads in neighboring counties or states where they can "run her up to 180" without worrying about cops or other drivers. I like these guys, but I don't really want to ride with them.

THE HARDCORE RACER
The HARDCORE RACER may have been The Wild-Ass Gear Head at one time. But he evolved to the point that his Porsche is now of Non-Street Legal Status. Furthermore, the car has been gutted, chopped, reinforced, Semi-Tube Framed, Carbon Fibered, runs on 15" wide slicks, a huge Open Exhaust and sports a huge bi-Plane wing on the back. The HARDCORE RACER has sacrificed everything in search of that ultimate adrenalin rush that a Street Driven Porsche doesn't really satisfy anymore. He has even resorted to driving his Tow Vehicle as his daily driver. You can always tell the HARDCORE RACERS, they're the ones with Ford Duallies, Chevy Suburbans or similar trucks, sporting huge tow hitches and have Porsche decals on the back windows.

[yellowline]

Getting out of worrier (I can't wait to get my car going and run her hard through the gears once or twice), definite waterboy, aiming for purist.

BTW, to lay the 924 controversy to rest:

He [the purist] owns any model of Porsche.

[targa911S]

purist.

[livi]

On the fast track from worrier to purist.

[Nathans_Dad]

STATUS...wait...is it even possible to be a status owner of an 84 targa? Maybe if I put those gold plated 20s on it and some neon....

[BlueSkyJaunte]

"We have Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Agnostics."

As long as we don't have none o' those damn Atheists!

[cstreit]

Hmm...

A racing engine in the back of one of my racecar tow-vehicles. I think I qualify as hardcore racer/tinkerer.

[Z-man]

Purist waterboy am I.

[MikeWinDC]

Moving from Worrier to Queen or Waterboy Purist depending on the car.

But I do drive the 911 hard when it is sunny, no salt on the road, etc.

I have a feeling I will eventually evlove and add wild-ass gear head as hanging out with some has put too many ideas in my head.

[legion]

Waterboy slowly evolving into wild-ass.

[P0WER]

I don't know which catagory I am since the car was just given to me, I never really wanted a Porsche. I'm an old school American muscle car nut who just ended up with a nice looking Import.
Granted, I no longer own my American muscle and all my time (and money) lately has been put into the Porsche.
What I would REALLY like to do is to drop a big block in it

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Purist, with minor touches of gearhead and racer, mostly tinkerer.

Project 73 911 R/RS -- Week 5

[CJFusco]

Was a WORRIER
Now a WATERBOY
eventually will be a TECHNO

[Jeff Higgins]

Purist and aspiring wild-ass gearhead, as the checkbook allows. Tinkerer; no one works on my stuff but me.

[juanbenae]

i am a pelican. 'nough said.

[badcar]

Just finished the worry side. Embracing the Purist portion of ownership...I look at my odometer with pride..118K miles and love to touch redline daily. Every corner brings a little joy.

[VINMAN]

You left out "P.O.S. that barely runs", owner....

Waterboy by default.

[scottmandue]

You said member...

huh huh...