Sad but true - lonely hearts troll the net

cantdrv55 · 10-31-2005, 07:18 AM

I have a coworker who browse through a few website forums hoping to meet the girl of his dreams. He's on an exercise forum, a liberal political forum (he heard that female to male ratio is almost 3:1?), he's a member of a couple of on-line book clubs and a local gym where he takes Pilates. He's not a bad looking guy but he does have issues.

I guess he's been dumped and divorced one too many times so now he's extremely shy and guarded like he's preparing to get dumped again. I wish I can help him but I have been out of the dating scene for 22 years. I suggested Match.com. I hope that business isn't a scam. My wife and my other co-workers' wives haven't been succesfull in finding my friend a mate.

legion · 10-31-2005, 07:23 AM

It 22 years today
That Sargeant Pepper taught the band to play...

vash · vash's Garage

nothing sexy about desperate.

cantdrv55 · 10-31-2005, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by vash
nothing sexy about desperate.

You nailed it Cliff. He's a nice guy, shy but very obvious at the same time.

legion · 08:35 AM

If a guy wants a woman in his life...he'll never find one.

If he's comfortable with where he is...he'll attract plenty of women who want to mess it up.

asphaltgambler · 10-31-2005, 07:40 AM

Any man that takes pilates should check the front inside of his pants

targa911S · 10-31-2005, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by legion
If a guy wants a women in his life...he'll never find one.

If he's comfortable with where he is...he'll attract plenty of women who want to mess it up.

Man that is SO true!

Jims5543 · 10-31-2005, 07:59 AM

If I was not married w/ children I would be at an Autocross or DE every weekend. Work weeks would just be rest and training between the weekends.

When you look for a G/F they are never there. Tell him to relax and enjoy his single life he'll find that right girl where he least expects it.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

nothing wrong with match.com. Online dating has some interesting twists on the traditional setup, but in the end it still comes down to personality and who you really are. Sites like match just make it easier to focus your search and for shy people, it actually can be a good icebreaker due to the way it functions.

techweenie · techweenie's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by cantdrv55
I have a coworker who browse through a few website forums hoping to meet the girl of his dreams. He's on an exercise forum, a liberal political forum (he heard that female to male ratio is almost 3:1?), he's a member of a couple of on-line book clubs and a local gym where he takes Pilates. He's not a bad looking guy but he does have issues.

I guess he's been dumped and divorced one too many times so now he's extremely shy and guarded like he's preparing to get dumped again. I wish I can help him but I have been out of the dating scene for 22 years. I suggested Match.com. I hope that business isn't a scam. My wife and my other co-workers' wives haven't been successful in finding my friend a mate.

I used to be the head of marketing for a huge online dating site. A handful of people met, found someone they wanted to marry & went on their merry way in a matter of days. At least one guy had been paying the monthly (highest) rate for 4+ years, because he was optimistic that he'd meet the woman of his dreams in the next 'few weeks.'

Bottom line for dating sites is that if you aren't going to get the girl in the bar/supermarket/etc., you're not going to get the girl there.

Shy and guarded does not play well with women... that is to say, with desirable women. There are plenty out there who can smell a victim and pounce on him (same with men > women).

Best advice is from legion. But as you might surmise, listing yourself on an online dating service and convincing women you're not looking is a bit of an oxymoron.

MysticLlama · 10-31-2005, 10:08 AM

I've been recently back into dating since I got divorced a while back. (a few months ago according to the paperwork, a year and a half according to her moving out)

It really is a silly game. Try too hard and it doesn't work, don't try enough and it doesn't work either.

I used match for a couple months, yahoo for a couple months, had friends set me up, etc. My biggest problem was just getting lazy. The response rate is so low on a few of the sites that it's just a lot of typing and sending mail for nothing sometimes.

A good tip for the paid sites is that girls have to pay to write back (at least match), so always just put in an e-mail address so they can write you back (girls are cheap). And please, be smart enough to not use a work e-mail or main address that you use with your family and real life friends.

Another tip: If he hasn't seen Swingers, make him watch it, once a week if possible.

I ended up meeting my current girlfriend on myspace.com. I checked out her page, and she liked a lot of the same music I did, had some of the same random thoughts, etc. So I just wrote her a friendly e-mail about that. We wrote back and forth every couple of days for a couple months, talked about coffee but couldn't line up our schedules for a few more weeks. Finally ended up meeting for dinner, which went really well, then a week or two later she invited me to a local show she had tickets for, and it just went from there...

It was real casual and I think that's why it worked, I wasn't trying so hard to get her to go on a "date".

Also, I couldn't get any of the girls I was seeing to actually be nailed down into a "relationship", so the key to that was being the same way myself and seeing 2-3 at a time. I think the competition/jealousy helped there, though tread lightly with that, it can go badly.

juanbenae · juanbenae's Garage

i saw a great movie made by the producer of swingers, it was called mail order bride. dam funny.

vash · vash's Garage

ok, tell your buddy to toss the computer. cold turkey. nobody meets a woman sitting at home by yourself, in front of a computer. you simply degrade your social skills. you can get all cyber cassanova, but you will have to eventually meet face to face, and all the fantasy can deteriorate fast as schit.

if i was single, i would volunteer for stuff. i met about 4 girls that fit my standards during a 4 week(end) stint building homes for habitatforhumanity. my girlfriend was amazed at my repetoire with the ladies. i guess i was coming off all confident and caring. whatever.

Drago · Drago's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by vash
i guess i was coming off all confident and caring. whatever.

LOL!

StevoRocket · StevoRocket's Garage

Everyone has a way of getting there and Match.com was suggested by my sister after my divorce.
Lots of ladies who needed ironing and had clearly lied about their age and shown old photos.- lunch or drink and time wasted. My fault - not selective enough.
Then bingo.... the right woman, the right interests, job similarities in the high tech industry, met , talked till 3am.
Progression through to getting married - super relationship - best friend and lover.
6 years of heaven followed by her breast cancer diagnosis. She passed away 2 and a half years ago.
Would I do it again?
Absolutely, if your work or social scene has no potential its one of the sure ways of meeting people - at least you have the opportunity to see some of their interests.
Go for it and dont be put off by the negatives - just be choosey and bold - you dont have to lower your standards - aim high.

cantdrv55 · 10-31-2005, 07:16 PM

Stevo, thanks for sharing your story. So sorry to hear about your better half.

pwd72s · 10-31-2005, 07:27 PM

If, for whatever reason, Cindy left my life? I doubt I'd bother trying again...

930addict · 930addict's Garage

Wow Stevo that's traggic. Sorry to here about your late wife. I get choked up at the thought of losing mine.

My friend also met his wife online and they seem to be happy. I don't know what service they met on. I don't think it matters how you meet that special someone as long as it's special.

Evans, Marv · 10-31-2005, 08:05 PM

I agree that desperation and trying too hard is a turn off. I always thought that looking at relationships with women as a way of getting out to do things, enjoying yourself and the company of them was an important approach. Plus there is always sex if you want it, and it doesn't have to create attachments. The strain of looking at every woman and relationship as a potential and trying to manage it that way, almost never works out. I think if you just use the shotgun approach. that is, do enjoyable activities with as many women as you have the opportunity to, and somewhere along the line a really nice relationship will develop with somebody you are compatible with.

Oracle · 10-31-2005, 08:14 PM

The best place to meet women is by joining ballroom dance lessons. My wife and me went for lessons like 3 years ago and the ratio women:men was about 5:1. Impressive!!
I wish I knew that when I was looking for a date.

On the other hand I wouldn't even think about leaving my wife and I feel the luckiest man on earth because she's by my side all the time, even when I show my million defects.
I love my wife.
-Jasper