Can a Person Ever Really Change?

[M.D. Holloway]

Seems like from time to time I meet people who are just plain *******s or they are very greedy or selfish self-centered SOBs or they are comlpletely self absorbed or they just don't "get-it" - and are down right thick. Not a lot of folks but they do make their impact.

I am under the impression that for the most part people do not change - an ass will always be an ass, a selfish self-centered SOB will always be, and so on.

Not that I don't have faith in Human nature and I'm really not down on people in general. I have just accepted that some people will not ever change. Am I wrong?

[dhoward]

No.
Just like gayness, it's genetic.

[livi]

My view completely. We are born with the hard data that will express everything from height to personality traits. During the very first years of our life the immediate environment - parents and siblings - will provide input enabling fine tuning of that data to a certain extent. After that - as an adult - most people with normal cerebral faculties - are able to steer their behavior according to the circumstances / situations. But again, only to a certain extent.

Especially when under pressure, the original personality / behavior set up, will however tend to disclose it self.

Another way of putting it is that we do what we do because we are "wired" that way. If our conscious mind tells us to do otherwise our subconscious defense mechanisms will automatically give us anxiety feelings - turning us back to our original "stock" data behavior.

Perhaps a few of us could benefit from a human S.W. chip..

Sorry for ranting. One of my favorite subjects.

[legion]

I would say that most people do not change much.

All people change over time. To what degree and what traits change varies from person to person, and they are impossible to predict. I do believe that people can completely change their lives, their mannerisms, their beliefs, but it is also highly unlikely.

Ironically, I find that people who claim they are changed are the most the same, and people who claim to be the same change the most.

I have a "friend" I hear from from time to time. He calls about once a year. I never call him; and don't always answer the phone when he calls. For some reason, whenever we get together it ends up costing me much more money than I anticipated (can be anything from him conveniently forgetting his wallet, again, to desperately needing a loan that he promises to pay back, again). My last straw with him was when the check he wrote for my wedding gift bounced. He called me over Thanksgiving this year and left a message (I didn't answer). Apparently he knocked some girl up and now has a daughter. He wants me to be best man in his wedding (no date set). I considered mailing his bounced check to him as his wedding gift. My point? This guy has claimed to be a changed man more times than I can count. He has never held a job longer than six months, never gotten promoted, never even stuck around anyplace long enough to get benefits. By my last count, he has been fired from 37 different jobs (and quit almost as many jobs as well), and he is only 27 years old. He will always be a loser.

[jyl]

I think the people Mike described do not change, at least not 99% of them.

[gr8fl4porsche]

I agree that in general, people do not change - but they do mature.

I believe age alters us.

[VINMAN]

I dont think so. I feel your personality is developed from an early age. Based on your upbringing and surroundings. and you will always have the behavior forever. Even if you try hard to change it, something will always trigger that original personality trait.

[Burnin' oil]

You can change 7% to the better and 24% to the worse. . .

[gaijindabe]

Full blown narcissists? No. Can they become aware of their behavior and try and "act" differently? If they try.

Your typical immature idiot sometimes grows up. Society does not so much demand it though..

[Dantilla]

Change is difficult, but possible. Human nature says "this is the way I am".

It is a wise person who examines his own life, realizing that there is always room for improvement.

But change must come from inside. Nobody truely changes because somebody else wants them to.

[kang]

Speaking for myself, I've changed a lot over the last 20 or so years.

[NICKG]

Freud says no...Skinner says absolutely.....

[notfarnow]

I would have said no, but then there's my father in law.

He has renewed my faith in people's ability to control their behavior, and their lives. Used to be a miserable, mean and nasty dude. He is now one of the gentlest, kindest and most considerate people I know. It alsmost seemed as though he just decided "I don't want to be like this anymore." Mind you, his first step towards redemption and a happier life was getting a divorce... whatever works!

[nostatic]

People can change, but they have to be willing to do the work. And it is painful, hard, ugly work. 99.9% of the people in the world either aren't willing to undertake the challenge, or don't know about the possibilities. We know everything. We just have to find it. Some great essays here:

http://www.holisticpsychoanalysis.com/html/essays.html

[Tobra]

They can, but it is very gradual and not so you would notice.

In general, no, in the immortal words of Popeye, "I yam what I yam"

[oldE]

I find the people who change the most are those who have gone through a 'life changing' experience, for want of a better term.
As Jake said about his uncle, divorce, can do it. Some people who have beaten cancer have come through transformed, realizing what things are really important, friends, family, the time you have left with them.
It almost makes you want to go around infecting some people with the 'Big C'. But it doesn't always work.
Les

[island_dude]

I have seen some impressive transformations in people for both the good and the bad. There are a lot of people desperate to change, who never will. It seems that don't really have to will power or the strength. The father of a friend of mine was apperantly are really difficult nasty person. He was hugely critical of everything my friend ever did growing up. These days, he is the most even tempered decent person you will ever meet. It is the classic case of "mellowing with age". I don't know what changed him, if it just happend or whatever was causing him to be so tough went away.

I suspect that this is a pretty rare occurance (a big change for the better). I really think that it is possible, but not very often sucessful.

[Superman]

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?






































Only one. But the light bulb has to REALLY REALLY want to change.

[Howard Agency]

Originally posted by Dantilla
Change is difficult, but possible. Human nature says "this is the way I am".

It is a wise person who examines his own life, realizing that there is always room for improvement.

But change must come from inside. Nobody truly changes because somebody else wants them to.

Well said. I bet you're one of those 'wise' people.
We are all born solely dedicated to our own selfish needs. IMHO maturing means acquiring the ability to overcome this 'human nature' and get along in society.

Most people figure out that anti social behaviour prevents them from achieveing success; some never do. So I guess we're all born *********s but most DO change. And hopefully continue to change with maturity.

"I yam what I yam" applies to cartoon characters. The great line from 'Roger Rabbit', "It's not my fault, they drew me that way".

[Superman]

Jean Paul Sartre said it is a fallacy to make the statement: "I wouldn't do that, I'm not that way." He said it would be more accurate to say "I'm not that way because I won't do that."