Men are happier. . .

[pbs911]

I received this email. Obviously written by a woman, but some descriptions fit, other may not. Amusing nonetheless.

Why Are Men Happier?

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You always know where you are and never have to ask directions.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

[DaveE]

I thought I was just happy because of my SC.........

[id10t]

Yeah, but women have half the money and all the p*ssy...

[oldE]

You know, a lot of that stuff is true, because men don't allow themselves to get hung up on what everybody else thinks.
The things about the number of pairs of shoes, wrinkles in clothes and packing for a week: all true, because we are OK with ourselves.
Our shoes don't beat us up because we refuse to buy shoes which don't give us comfort.
Phone conversations end when they should because we say only the important stuff. I don't care what she said about what he said about what.....
I suspect the part about getting lost is an evolutionary thing from the days of hunting-gathering.
Sometimes I don't shave my face or neck.
However, the author has clearly never considered the left-hand thread.
The grass sometimes seems greener on the 'other side'.
Les

[widgeon13]

I'll bet she's a real dog, she certainly has the market cornered on complaining.

[Dantilla]

It's just humor, guys.

My wife and one of her friends showed me this several months ago. We all just laughed.

[911teo]

I think it is really funny... just fwded it to my wife...

[onewhippedpuppy]

Pretty funny, lots of truth in there too. I always tell my wife, if I were her I would kill myself after five minutes. After a hard day, men can crack open a beer and watch football, tinker with a car, waste time in OT, whatever. The point is, screw whatever happened that day, it's over. My wife never lets go, all she does is worry, and mostly about stupid $hit that she can't change. I figure, why worry. Do what you can do, do it the best you can, and that's it. Whatever happens, happens. Thank God I'm not a woman. Except, I suppose it would be fun for a day or so.

[masraum]

Originally posted by pbs911
Car mechanics tell you the truth.

It's all true except this one. I've had to walk from mechanics before because they tried to pull stuff, I've had to "see the manager" because of this, and when I worked in retail auto parts I heard horror stories from both men and women that were conned and lied to by mechanics.

I think back in the day it may have been only women, but not these days. Too many men don't have a clue now.

[svandamme]

chicks have boobs, and they can touch them any time they feel like touching them...


nough said



EDIT , and don't come blabbing about fat man's manboobs !
i don't have em , and i don't want em !

[Joeaksa]

We also have a "johnson" and can scratch our a$$ anytime we need to ...

The bad part: so many men are so obsessed with getting laid that the women have turned it against us. If men had done it right way back in the beginning they would have let the women know that men can live without sex as long as the ladies could, and eventually the women would have stopped playing games in the bedroom.

Whenever a woman tries to play a game with me by "cutting me off" for some reason the relationship has just ended and I walk out, no if's, and's or but's. The more men that would get smart and do that eventually the women would wise up and this might end.

JA

[Superman]

That is some of the sharpest commentary you have offered here, Joe.

I've seen this list before. It is indeed funny. I imagine it was written by a man, not a woman. Frankly, I am delighted not to be a female. Very much so. But they do enjoy one advantage we don't:

A little boy and little girl are playing together. the little boy gets bored, pulls down his pants, points at his Johnson and says "Ha ha. I have one of these, and you don't."

The little girl screams and runs to her mother. The next day, the little boy and little girl are playing again, and the little boy pulls the same trick, thinking that if it worked once it should work twice. The little girl pulls up her dress and points at her box and says: "Right, but I have one of these. And my mommys says that with one of these I can get all of those I want."

[jriera]

My wife just send me this one:

WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available

[12own911]

I like that little girl... very smart.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by 12own911
I like that little girl... very smart.

Kim, problem is that not all of us are dumb enough to subscribe to that theory. Girls can get all of the johnsons that they want, but is it the right one? Is it attached to a guy who cares about them and not just getting laid? A guy who has a head on his shoulders, a descent job and a future in THEIR life?

Sorry but I have played the "I have a pussy and I make the rules" game far too long. Now I play by my rules and both the man and woman make the rules and are an equal partnership. The minute it ceases to be a partnership she has lost me.

Joe A

[12own911]

Too true Joe.

[M.D. Holloway]

Sex becomes a power if we allow it be. Power is granted. Take it out of the equation and what do women have? Nothing. They become powerless. Now they have nothing to hold over our heads. We can now take our rightful place in the universe becuase we don't care if or when they back that tail in...we will do just fine reguardless!

[HardDrive]

"You know stuff about tanks."

lol.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
Sex becomes a power if we allow it be. Power is granted. Take it out of the equation and what do women have? Nothing. They become powerless. Now they have nothing to hold over our heads. We can now take our rightful place in the universe becuase we don't care if or when they back that tail in...we will do just fine reguardless!

Mike, there is no reason why the man and woman cannot have an equal part in the relationship. I do not want the woman to become powerless, I want them to become an equal part of the relationship.

Sex should be fun and a natural part of almost every relationship, and not used against the other partner for any reason. In my marriage we had a rule that we never went to bed mad at each other and hashed things out before hitting the sack. With a German wife that can be interesting at times but it worked!

This is one reason why I usually go out with European ladies. They do not, for the most part, play the sex game. They like sex, feel that its natural and enjoy having it very much. I feel that this is the way it should be.

Hope and assume that this is the way all women should be in the world but it seems few and far in-between here in the states.

So many Americans, men and women, grow up with the concept that their body is always to be covered and sex is done in the dark at night in the bedroom. This leads to the idea that "sex is dirty" and so on. Many of the church's are not helping in this area as I know this was the impression I was given, along with most of my friends growing up.

Enough ranting...

JoeA

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally posted by Joeaksa
.......... let the women know that men can live without sex as long as the ladies could..........

We can?