The Big V - Page 2

pwd72s · 01-16-2006, 03:16 PM

She: "I have to be very careful to not get pregnant."
Friend: "I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy."
She: "He did. That's why I have to be very careful."

Moses · 01-16-2006, 03:19 PM

One of my favorites...

Joeaksa · 01-16-2006, 03:23 PM

My Brother had it done. He did nothing but watch football for two days and lie on the couch or bed. Was up and around fine on day three.

Have a very good friend who felt good on day one and thought that he could do anything he wanted to on day two and just moved around the house a bit instead of staying down. Day three dawned and his nuts were about the size of softballs. Day four and five he sat in bed with ice on "the family jewels" and this time listened to the doctor.

Do what the doctor says, and stay still for a couple of days!

Joe A

CRH911S · 01-16-2006, 04:02 PM

Joe's right...and just a heads up. You might want to have the wife do the shave job the night before. A couple of nurse's aids (females) shaved me and they were pretty involved in a conversation while flipping and flopping the part to the point I was getting a little concerned...
Clint

Joeaksa · 01-16-2006, 04:07 PM

Clint,

You got me laughing over that one. Very good point!

My ex-wife was a surgeon and sometimes helped the nurses shave the patients before doing the heart transplants. I have seen them shave a person and if I had any choice in the matter, I would shave it all myself rather than have the nurses do it. They do not take as much care around things as I would want!

Joe A

Jims5543 · 01-16-2006, 05:17 PM

Good point Clint, its already been taken care of. Wife likes it neat and clean down there and vise versa.

May I quote Dr. Evil here?

Quote:

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Jims5543 · 01-16-2006, 05:19 PM

BTW - I am paying out of pocket and found a good doctor. Cost is no issue here quality of work is. We are talking about my balls here. There is no chance in hell I am going with an HMO or bargain basement.

One co-worker suggested I go to the local family planning center. I looked at him and said, "I used to think you were crazy now I see your nuts".

LeRoux Strydom · 01-16-2006, 10:18 PM

I went back to work the same day. My secretary at the time asked me why I took so long sitting down.

The best part was getting the wife to take the sample bottles back to the lab for the sperm count. It was her idea, after all.......

Jims5543 · 01-17-2006, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LeRoux Strydom
I went back to work the same day. My secretary at the time asked me why I took so long sitting down.

The best part was getting the wife to take the sample bottles back to the lab for the sperm count. It was her idea, after all.......

Will saliva mess up the test results?

LeRoux Strydom · 01-17-2006, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jim Cesiro
Will saliva mess up the test results?

Apparently it didn't in my case. Zero's all the way. No scares since. It's been 7 years.

Rikao4 · 01-17-2006, 05:23 AM

Had one,and also worked in a clinic that did them.Good advice here,THIS you need to remember,wait a few days minimum.The urge to take it for a test drive is strong, too early, the "tires" will swell beyond capacity...and that my friend hurts.
Rika

motion · 01-17-2006, 07:19 AM

Its really no big deal. Make sure you have someone drive you there after you take your valium. I drove myself and it was very challenging, lol. I also opted for no anesthesia. Hurt like a mother, but recovery was quicker. Just have your vicodin ready

911 Rod · 911 Rod's Garage

Don't forget to rent a few movies and buy some beer.
Then enjoy your time on the couch as your family will be more than happy to cater to you. Especially your sons for some reason. For once no one will question your needs.

arcsine · 01-17-2006, 08:27 AM

Best (most surreal?) part for me was the doc had made the incision, pulled up the vas deferens and asked "Wanna see it?"!

I may be a wuss but I could not get excited about the idea of looking down and seeing a hole cut in my sack and internal parts sticking out. I politely said "no thanks".

Joeaksa · 01-17-2006, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by arcsine
Best (most surreal?) part for me was the doc had made the incision, pulled up the vas deferens and asked "Wanna see it?"!

I may be a wuss but I could not get excited about the idea of looking down and seeing a hole cut in my sack and internal parts sticking out. I politely said "no thanks".

Had some surgery done on one hand a few years back. Doctor stuck the needle in and killed all input from the wrist down.

Watched him cut it open and take some things out (do not ask) and then sew it back up. Was interesting to watch but do not believe I could be a surgeon...

JoeA

Rikao4 · 01-17-2006, 09:00 AM

Just backward on this myself. Have cut,sewn,held parts and not even bothered by bloody mayhem, you come at ME with a little needle, I need to lay down.
Rika

LeRoux Strydom · 01-17-2006, 09:11 AM

Oh, the memories.........

At one point after much cutting and pulling, the doc showed me two pieces of tube, about 1-inch long each, to "prove" to me that he had really just cut out the important bits.

OTOH, I have also done my bit stitching up a friend's scalp after he got caught in a thorn-bush on the back of a pick-up truck during a night drive while out hunting. Much alcohol was consumed, of course, before and after the stitching up, but that is another story....

JeremyD · JeremyD's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by Jim Cesiro
Will saliva mess up the test results?

That's what I tell the wife now - new jizz light - same great taste - but now less filling.

Mike Andrew · 01-17-2006, 09:19 AM

I strongly urge sitting still & using a jock or a speedo suit for support & an ice pack on the yarbles for a few days. I failed to stay diwn for long & spent the nite after my V at a party standing around talking. Next day BASEBALL size nads.
Other than that, not a bad experience. Basically felt like I'd gotten hit in the nads for a day or so. Took me a couple weeks before running was comfortable again, though.
Hell my buddies & I even devised a secret handshake for the boys in "The Club."

singpilot · 10:02 AM

One of my best friends, who I flew with for years at an airline told me about his experience. He and I were the two practical jokers (usually on each other) in the entire airline. He was (is) married to a vascular surgeon at a large teaching hospital. After their 3rd child was born, she said that's it. He was given the options of the Big V, or a life of marital celibacy.

Like Legion, I am sitting here, as I type, almost crossed legs, with that hollow feeling where the boys rest. Todd knew, in spite of being best friends, I was not the person to talk to about this situation he was in. I mean we had talked about the most incredibly personal things (her getting an extra stitch after the last daughter in order to 'tighten things up'... I mean not much was off topic there. But it wasn't until he was 3 months down the celibacy program that he confessed about the need for a couple of days off next month for the procedure. Of course, I was relentless, every opportunity to make a small crack (pardon the pun..).

Unbeknownst to me, his wife was waaaaay ahead of me.

The day before the procedure, she called me and asked if I could round up as many of his friends as possible to show up at the hospital at noon. And that Todd was not to know anything about it. I did.

Todd showed up at the hospital at 11 the next day, and was ushered into the prep room. He said they gave him a sedative and a open backed gown and told him to get comfortable. 30 minutes later, his wife showed up with a gurney and got him to lie on it. 2 big orderlies came in, and put the arm and leg restraints on him, very forcefully. He said he knew he was in trouble when she started giggling. They wheeled him into another room where the two most gorgeous interns she could find took the gown off and proceeded to shave him with a straight razor, all the while chatting about a really bad blind date one of them had been on the night before. About what asses men are and maybe they should just give up on men alltogether. The entire time handling his equiptment roughly, and whipping this blade around his shaving cream-covered lower body. When they were done, an icy cold rinse, and a short trip to the operating theatre (literally) where every friend, neighbor, co-worker, and victim of his many pranks were hanging over the railing while giving him a standing ovation. He was covered by a solitary washcloth.

The team of surgeons was every one of her friends, and they even did the pulling the tube thing up so everyone could see. Most of the squeamish (myself included) had adjourned to the waiting room, but I understand there is a way to manipulate the tube and make the leg and arm on that side twitch in unison. Was demonstrated for all to see.

His wife had repaid him for 12 years of pranksterism in one fell swoop. His emotional recovery was much more protracted than the physical one.