Anyone here ask their SO to sign a pre-nup?

[pbs911]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
Yes, I know pre-nups can be contested. But I thought as long as it was drawn up and signed long before a wedding, then no one would be able to claim they signed it under duress.

The issue in a prenupt is disclosure. Whether the documente is signed before or during marriage may likely have a bearing on its legality. Some states allow more protection if signed before marriage and limit protections that are attemtped after entering into marriage. If you do, get the advise of an attorney in your area. Good luck.

[Don Plumley]

One point about "there's no difference between marriage and a commited partnership."

If your commited life partner is in a hospital bed, unless you were prescient enough to put a living will/power of attorney in place, you cannot speak for them.

Here's a hypothetical situation faced by a hypthetical close friend. He quite unexpectedly died. He and his life partner were building their dream home. He was in the process of selling his condo, to provide the final payment to finish building the dream home. The condo was in his name. After he died, his father took over her estate, and I'm told shut the life partner out of the proceeds. You can imagine the rest...

A simple marriage certificate would have prevented this tragedy from becoming even more tragic.

Your feelings about the institution aside, based upon the laws in our country today, there are benefits to the marriage act.

[widebody911]

Originally posted by Don Plumley
Here's a hypothetical situation faced by a hypthetical close friend. He quite unexpectedly died. He and his life partner were building their dream home. He was in the process of selling his condo, to provide the final payment to finish building the dream home. The condo was in his name. After he died, his father took over her estate, and I'm told shut the life partner out of the proceeds.

But gay marriage is only recognized in a handful of states...

[Doug E]

Oh oh, quite a thread here RL ... sounds like I'm missing all the fun up in NoVa

[marcesq]

Richard . . . . I'm truly hurt by your seeking advice from a bunch of motorheads (no offense guys) clandestinely. I have spent the last 20+ years trying to keep people like you out of marital disaster . . . . . . We need to talk. FYI . . In Virginia it is almost impossible to get a PreNupt set aside . . . . . assuming that the parties UNDERSTAND what they are signing . . . . . My advice . . . .get her to some english reading and writing classes and then give her the pre-nupt (no charge).

BTW - what happened to you as we were leaving turn 1 the other day??

[pbs911]

Originally posted by Don Plumley

Here's a hypothetical situation faced by a hypthetical close friend. He quite unexpectedly died. He and his life partner were building their dream home. He was in the process of selling his condo, to provide the final payment to finish building the dream home. The condo was in his name. After he died, his father took over her estate, and I'm told shut the life partner out of the proceeds. You can imagine the rest...

A simple marriage certificate would have prevented this tragedy from becoming even more tragic.

A simple will or trust would have had the same effect and prevented his father from shutting out the partner. A marriage certificate would have likley passed a good portion of the estate to the surviving father.

[Don Plumley]

For the record, this was a "traditional" couple. I used the term "life partner" to mean the commited relationship. In Northern California no less...

At his age (and without their own children) death was not on the agenda, and yes, they were somewhat negligent in not having a will. Paul - wouldn't a marriage bring in community property issues? Nonetheless, marriage does bring certain rights in our country that to duplicate would have to be established separately -- so just get married.

Anyway, to get back on point, if one or both partners brings substantial assets into a marriage, having a prenup seems reasonable to me.

[livi]

Me and my spouse are having the classical conflict with her wanting to be married and I don´t. Been going on for years.

In her mind getting married is a proof of love. Hence, this far I obviously don´t love her..

She is so desperate about it she, herself, has suggested a pre-nup (for my sake).

Makes no difference to me. I have had it with marriages. I love her and I try to show her that in every which way possible. But I won´t marry. Ever again. Full stop.

[Jim Richards]

Originally posted by marcesq
Richard . . . . I'm truly hurt by your seeking advice from a bunch of motorheads (no offense guys) clandestinely. I have spent the last 20+ years trying to keep people like you out of marital disaster . . . . . . We need to talk.


BTW - what happened to you as we were leaving turn 1 the other day??

Yeah RL...Marc should've been the first person you talked to about this. The rest of us should only be consulted so that you can endure our smarta$$ed comments and to see your OT subject veer further OT.


I'd also like to hear about Turn 1 at Summit?

[Rick Lee]

I don't remember any drama (of my own) at turn 1 this past weekend. I saw plenty of others go off, but I kept all four tires on the pavement.

Yes Marc, I would never (again) pop the question without talking to you first. You've told me a pre-nup story or two before. I wanted to hear from this crowd if anyone had them. So far, looks like no one here has one. How common are they?

BTW, I had a chat with my lady last night about my upcoming trip to China. She had sort of danced around my offer to go to Nanjing and meet her folks. I can muster enough Mandarin to impress them, but no deep discussions. So I asked for a firm answer last night, as I need to start planning my trip. She said her mom thought it would be most appropriate for me to come meet them only when Sandy could be with me. That's at least a year or so away. Whew! Looks like I can hit the beaches at Xiamen instead of trekking up to Nanjing this time.

[widebody911]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
She said her mom thought it would be most appropriate for me to come meet them only when Sandy could be with me.

That makes sense; to do it without her there would be kinda awkward. "Ni hao! I'm the American who's been banging your daughter!"

[Rick Lee]

Thom, I agree too, but it's not like we can just make a weekend trip to China anytime we want, whereas we can do that with my folks in NJ. One area where I've refused to compromise is international travel. I absolutely have to get out of the US at least once or twice a year. Because of our insane immigration laws/enforcement, Sandy can't leave the US (she's 100% legally here) because it's too iffy as to whether she'd get back in. So she has to wait until her H1 sponsorship is underway AND she's accrued enough vacation time to make a long trip. So that means she can't travel with me for a while. Can't wait to show her what real driving is like in Germany.

[vash]

wow, lots of developments. as far as the life partner comment. are dying wishes no good anymore? if i had a gay family member, with a life partner, and i knew their intentions all along, i am certianly not going trump them with me simply being kin. that is bull****!

and i may have to add something else. i went out with the most effen bitter group of married people (all guys) last night. holy crap. the single revelation that they all seem to agree on, is that they should have all married women from other countries. apparently their wives dont do anything. this one guy does 100% of the child rearing. they all want more dedicated wives/mothers. they think american family have raised generations of queen complex chicks. i am staying single.

[Rick Lee]

Well Vash, I'm safe there, since I don't date American women.

[Rodeo]

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don't come hanging around my door
I don't want to see your face no more
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin' old with you
Now woman, stay away
American woman, listen what I say

[Rick Lee]

Rodeo, my lady is from the workers' paradise you want America to become .

[Rodeo]

My lady is from a real paradise

[gaijindabe]

As she is off the boat, she not know much about this American "tradition". At least Rick, for someone of your status and economic class. Just like dear old Mom and Pop, tell her. Just the way it is.

I certainly does remove an option (or a temptation) to walk away after X number of years and be well funded.

A couple of kids and good communication should keep things strong. I have seen very few ladies bail 'cause they want half your stuff..

[JavaBrewer]

Originally posted by cantdrv55
Lots of bitter dudes on this board.

IMO, if you're going to ask for a prenup, you might as well not marry the girl. It reeks of uncertainty and distrust. I think that's why something like half of marriages in the US end in divorce. It's just too easy to get out, especially when it's all planned out before you even say, I do!

Flame away, but I don't think anyone should marry until you know the other half well enough to be certain it's going to work out or that both of you will be committed to making it work 'til death do you part.

I'm in complete agreement.

[Rodeo]

Let's see ... I'm about to jump out of an airplane.

I know that 50% of the time, the primary parachute won't open. Better, smarter, more experienced men than me have jumped, and over the last 30 years of jumps, 50% of the time, their chutes fail.

Some of the failures were due to youth, inexperience, carelessness in packing. But the vast majority of failures came after careful, thoughtful packing by jumpers with experience, jumpers that knew the stakes and took every conceivable measure to pack properly.

Someone asks me if i want an emergency chute ... nah, I'm committed that my chute will work. It wouldn't be right to assume otherwise. It's like admitting failure