Anyone here ask their SO to sign a pre-nup?

[genrex]

LOL Rodeo


He used sarcasm... he knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes, and satire.

[JavaBrewer]

Hurmmm...comparing marriage to parachuting. Ok I'm starting to see where you're coming from Rodeo. In that case I would highly suggest the emergency chute and/or prenup. Sounds like you're gonna need it.

[Rodeo]

Stastically, parachuting is 10,000 times less likely to end in failure than marriage. So I'm not really comparing the two things, that wouldn't be fair to parachuters (ists?)

[Rot 911]

If there is a large disparity in present and future assets and/or you have children from a previous relationship you want to provide for, do the pre-nup. If you change your mind later, dissolve the pre-nup or make the appropriate provisions in your will.

As for marriage, some are good, some not so good, some just plain suck. If you think a committed relationship where assets are co-mingled is going to be easier to get out of than a marriage you are sadly mistaken. The marriage dissolution is cheap and easy, dividing assets is what gets expensive.

[vash]

besides the LOVE thing, marriage makes good sense. money magazine said that couples have more cash. something like 77% more!

me with 77% more money would be cool. at least my cars would be newer. or way older.

[nostatic]

I didn't have a prenup in either of my marriages and I'm still alive (and still have a 911). When I get married again (3rd time is a charm), I won't do a prenup either. If I had *any* weird feelings about financial stuff I wouldn't get married to that person.

I guess I'm in the minority, but it seems that a prenup is essentially admitting failure. Then again maybe its because the women I'm with have either high incomes or high income potential...luck o' the draw

[azasadny]

The only "things" I have of value to me are my wife and kids. Without my wife, I wouldn't have anything... seriously. She's been through alot with me and we've been married 19 years and I can't imagine being without her. I hope you have the same "luck" with your SO!!

[Moneyguy1]

First wife died. Remarried. Two adult kids and five grandkids. Without a prenup outlining that my current wife has a "life estate" and can stay in the home I own solely and outright, all my assets would flow to her kids when she passed on. That is, assuming she outlives me. If not, then it really doesn't matter. She understood my desire to make certain she was well taken care of, and also my desire to provide something for the kids and grandkids.

[cantdrv55]

Originally posted by Moneyguy1
First wife died. Remarried. Two adult kids and five grandkids. Without a prenup outlining that my current wife has a "life estate" and can stay in the home I own solely and outright, all my assets would flow to her kids when she passed on. That is, assuming she outlives me. If not, then it really doesn't matter. She understood my desire to make certain she was well taken care of, and also my desire to provide something for the kids and grandkids.

This would be one case where prenup is necessary. However, a living trust/will could probably accomplish the same thing.

[island911]

Originally posted by Noah
I've met Sandy too, and she's a real sweetheart.

That said, you MUST have a pre-nup.

Marriage should be about love and commitment and romance, not about money. Which is why a pre-nup is a requirement -- it takes money off the table. If a girl decides that she doesn't want to marry you upon finding out that she won't be able to clean out your bank account if the marriage breaks up, then she's not the right girl for you, or for any marriage, which as I said above is about love and commitment, not money. A pre-nup is actually an incredibly romantic thing to propose, I think. Maybe even more romantic than marriage itself.

DDAAAYYYMMMMNNN

So in other words; "nothing says love and commitment and romance, like the contingency plan of a pre-nup."

Noah . . .that's good. It's like a test. If she buys it, she's probably to damn stupid to ever find a good lawyer.

[schamp]

Do you plan on having kids? If so forget about the prenup. I believe that in most states that when you have kids the prenup is void. Ask you mouthpiece. Good luck.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally posted by Rodeo
Let's see ... I'm about to jump out of an airplane.

I know that 50% of the time, the primary parachute won't open. Better, smarter, more experienced men than me have jumped, and over the last 30 years of jumps, 50% of the time, their chutes fail.

Some of the failures were due to youth, inexperience, carelessness in packing. But the vast majority of failures came after careful, thoughtful packing by jumpers with experience, jumpers that knew the stakes and took every conceivable measure to pack properly.

Someone asks me if i want an emergency chute ... nah, I'm committed that my chute will work. It wouldn't be right to assume otherwise. It's like admitting failure

Interesting analogy. But you're wrong, the majority didn't come from those that gave the matter careful consideration. Every couple I've came into contact with that divorced had some regret, something they should have discussed earlier, or maybe they should have just taken more time. Many of them knew shortly after marrying that it wasn't the right choice. I have known so many that have married for all the wrong reasons, it's no wonder our divorce rate is so high.

But lets go with the analogy. I won't jump out of an airplane if I believe my chute won't open. I also would not marry if I believed there were any chance of it ending in divorce. Any, even the slightest doubt. "Where there is doubt, there is no doubt", I think that was from Heat. I think so many go into it with the attitude of if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce. What happened to forever? I can't imagine life without my wife, and everything that we have accomplished thus far we have done together. Corny as it sounds, I knew the first week I met her that I would marry her, and never once did I have any doubts. Pay attention to any lingering thoughts at the back of your head, sometimes your subconscious is smarter than you are.

Also, talk. It seems so simple, yet so few do it. I've seen couples profess that they never discussed kids before they got married. Are you kidding me?! Other simple stuff too, like combining finances, religion, goals for the future. Seriously consider pre-marriage counseling, we had to do it through our church, but you can do it other ways as well. It's good because it brings out all the stuff that causes problems, and forces you to discuss it before you make the leap. We didn't cover any new ground, but there were other couples there that were debating issues together for the first time. Best of luck to you Rick, hopefully in time it will all work out. Guys like Rodeo don't know what they're missing, the two of you taking on life as one is something really special, there's nothing else like it in life.

[Rodeo]

You talk as though the only way to have a meaningful, loving, fulfilling and committed relationship is when you have a piece of paper from the state. I'm not sure where that comes from, but I could not disagree more.

Like you, I have a great relationship. Like you, I have a family that brings me great joy. But no piece of paper, no "sanction" from the state, and no control by the state over my personal life.

I would take whatever action is necessary to keep my family together. By the same token, if things beyond my control led to a dissolution of the relationship between me and my S.O., she and I will decide how to do it, without courts and lawyers and all the rest. We will make our own decisions, not allow some judge to make them for us.

Finally, if marriage were indeed were "so simple" we would not have a 50% failure rate. You say that "I think so many go into it with the attitude of if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce." I don't know a single person that went into marriage with that attitude. Not one.

The fact is, a lifetime relationship with another person is not "simple," it's one of the most difficult (and rewarding) things one can do. And time has shown that a 50% failure rate is going to happen, despite the best intentions.

You can fail with or without that piece of paper, and you can be successful with or without that piece of paper.

[turbo6bar]

For the guys who are against prenups, do you have or did you have significant assets before marriage? It's hard not to discount a pre-nup if you had nothing to lose.

[widebody911]

Who was the Pelicanite that married the beeotch from hell, the one who bought her a 911 and a flower shop?

[Rick Lee]

I'm by no means rich. But I can't fathom having to hawk my guns, Porsches and lose my home equity to pay off an angry ex, who will probably make more money than me very soon. I'm not sure why her having toys and money makes it any les likely that I'd lose mine in a divorce.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by widebody911
Who was the Pelicanite that married the beeotch from hell, the one who bought her a 911 and a flower shop?

Oh yeah! This thread is very ripe for a visit by Motion. I will definitely fly to SoCal and hang with him before I ever get married.

[Rodeo]

When (if) you are ready, sit down with your gf and tell her that you want to devote your life to her, that you want to make a lifetime commitment, if she feels the same. Give her your word of honor as a man that you will never leave her, that your vow is forever. Heck, recite a marriage vow if you want. Give her a ring. Then have a big party for your family and friends. Introduce her to strangers as your wife (unless you want to get involved in long explanations). Then go forth and multiply.

Just stay away from City Hall and that marriage license. What business do they have in your relationship anyway?

[island911]

Originally posted by turbo6bar
For the guys who are against prenups, do you have or did you have significant assets before marriage? It's hard not to discount a pre-nup if you had nothing to lose.

HELL YES!

We all have at least one same significant asset. ... time.

Money comes and goes, but if some wench wastes my time, then that is a huge loss. You can have a pre-nup . . . but that doesn't mean the woman won't spend her life going after your money and time.

To go with the earlier analogy, IMO, a prenup is like a piece of paper that says "this parachute is going to deploy when requested." --does that really help if the chute doesn't deploy?

IMO, if you think that you need a pre-nup, don't get married.

[turbo6bar]

Point noted. I still believe pre-nuptial agreements have definite benefits. After all, we have wills and legal documents for partnerships. If we’re willing to argue over money with blood relatives and partners, why not spouses? Grandpa doesn’t entrust his offspring to divvy up his collection of silver dollars. That doesn’t imply grandpa doesn’t love his family, though. When you sign the paperwork for the LLC with your bud Benny, the house flipper, you enter with the best aspirations. 4 years later, Benny tires of house flipping and starts gambling. That LLC doesn’t protect the business’ assets, but it’s good to know your own home isn’t on the line because Benny owes Guido 40 large.