Don't go away mad, just go away.

I felt as unwelcome as an erection in a prison shower.

And I should care why?

looks like she got hit in the face with a bag of worms.

Does the Pope ***** in the woods?

And...

Is the Pope Jewish???

Is a bear catholic?

How's that working for you? Being clever.

All this info is "as usefull as tits on a boar hog"

An for those in the north east " Its colder than a well diggers ass" or " a witches tit

The likelyhood of any of this being repeated is "rarer than hens teeth".

said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

...Balls! Said the Queen, if I had to (two) I'd be King! The King smiled, not because he wanted to (two) but because he had to (two).

said the captain of the Titanic.

"i see..said the blind man, to the deaf man.."
ryan

When asked for the reason I smoke cigarettes..

"So I can't smell you"

"who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

The cheque is in the post (oddly appropriate today;) )

"She's as ugly as a ripped softball."

The older I get, the better I was.

"i get as much XXX now as i did 20 years ago..only now i forget..why..?" credited to dean martin
ryan

The sun shines on a dog's ass every once in a while!