Favorite wise@ss sayings
 

I'll start:

"That defies the laws of physics by both sucking and blowing at the same time."

"Whatever."

"You do that."

Talk to the hand.

Talk to the ass, cause even the hand ain't listening.

You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a *****.

That and five bucks will still only barely get you a latte.

Last time I heard that much hot air coming out of someone it smelled like rotten eggs.

You have a call holding on clue phone line two.

Sharp as a bowling ball, this one.

Don't quit your day job. Oh wait - this is your day job. Feel free to quit it then.

Make a mental note if you can find something to write on.



Many more. . .

If breathing wasn't automatic...he'd suffocate.

That's about as useful as lugnuts on a birthday cake

I'm as confused as a hungry baby in a titty bar

I'm as frustrated as a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll downhill

Busier than a one legged man in a butt-kicking contest

busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger

Let's not and say we did.

Sit down before you hurt yourself.

What did you have for breakfast today? A bowl of stupid?

How about a nice cup of STFU?

A f*ck up on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part

Any similarity between your reality and mine is PURELY coincidental.

You have the patience level of a chihuahua on crack.

An ex-G/F from the South (Alabama) said to me when I was trying to be more than I was:

"You don't know your ass from a Texaco station."

:o

"Everytime you open your mouth, you lower your IQ"

I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass.

What's got two thumbs and doesn't give a damn?

(Points thumbs at self)

"Goodbye.. stay in touch with yourself."

Want to go an play hide and go f*** yourself?

In a Forrest Gump voice-- Momma always said, Life is like a box of condomns, you never know who your gonna screw.

Are you new?

were you a special ed student?

what time does the short yellow bus pick you up?

Who are you and why should I give a ***** what you have to say?

Are you still talking?

Sorry, they don't pay me to care, they pay me to ride your @$$.

Ironically, I hear you also pay people to ride your @$$.

You obviously rode the short bus to school
or
you seem to have trouble seperating reality from fantasy, so can I borrow $100?

You don't know your ass from a gin whistle.
Colder than a well diggers ass.

They could take your brain, increase it's size by ten times, stick it in a gnat's ass, and it would still rattle around like a pea in a boxcar.