Americans With No Abilities Act

[Jeff Higgins]

NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS -- AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT (AWNAA)

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major piece of legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of Postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle
positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

[svandamme]

lol, i've always said that sales geeks are total drones with no abilities

[TheMentat]

awesome...

[singpilot]

This mornings' headlines in SoCal is that the Mexifornia State Supreme Court has said they are going to review the lower court ruling that the State's High School Exit Exam discriminates against minorities due to their being poor as well as a minority.

The headline was that 'Thousands of High School Grads in Limbo'.....

DUH. First, they did not graduate (failed the test). They got a real lesson in Mexifornia life. A judge threw out the test results, teaching them that there IS no accountability for anything here. Wanna job? Cross the border, drop a kid, get on welfare, live off the land, and don't worry about a drivers' license or insurance.

Second... LIMBO???? They flunked High School. Can you say.... "Would you like fries with that?"

I feel for them. Someday the cash register is going to break, and they will not be able to make change.

[scottmandue]

Cool... I'm going to defect to Mexico... enter America illegally... and claim no job skills.

I'll be rich in no time!

[Jim Richards]

This sounds like lifetime job security for politicians.

[RoninLB]

[Rikao4]

Jeff, this passed years ago.
Rika

[DaveE]

Finally, somebody's looking out for ME!!

[tabs]

Dave E I'm with U...Somebody is looking out for me....now if they would only sign me up, cause I lack the skills and motivation to even fill out the paperwork.

Boy is Mother going to be happy now that somebody else will have to send me a check every month instead of her.

[tabs]

OHHH BTW Will I have to SHOW UP at a place of employment to be eligible for collecting my check?

[Superman]

Originally posted by Rikao4
Jeff, this past years ago.
Rika

This is hardly news. The AWNA is fully in effect today. This is how I got my current job.

[Acox914]

how sad.

boxer is a tool....

[Rikao4]

forgive 'past ' I meant passed. Okay, I'm going to look for check.
Rika