My suicidal heritage.

livi · 08-06-2006, 10:55 AM

Big family reunion today on account of my grandfather would have celebrated his 100 years anniversary had he still been alive. Died at the age of 90. Any which reason to celebrate, right.

Anyway, my father come from very poor, rural conditions. Grew up with three siblings. Them and their families flew in for this gathering. Well, most live in Sweden and came by car. But one of my fathers brothers has made an enormous fortune in the medical business - hence he flew in by private jet from London.

My father had done a history search and organized a bus tour in the areas and locations where their father and mother grew up. My father told stories about life at the start of the century in rural Sweden. My God, compared to that life I have been spoiled rotten.

Now to the point of this thread. Turns out my grandfathers mother had 5 siblings. One died of influenza at the young age of 28, leaving 7 small children behind. The father had eloped years ago. The remaining 4 all committed suicide. One shot himself, one drowned herself, one hang himself and the last one gassed herself in the kitchen.

I was chocked and deeply moved. The poverty, the ordeal, the tragic.

Suddenly it made sense that, when my grandfather got old, he kept begging me to buy a shot gun and come and shoot him out of his misery. This was ten years ago and I had forgotten. Now it all came back to me.

I hope for my children´s sake I did not inherit that suicide gene.

Sorry for the long post and burdening you with my sadness. Just had to relate to someone unrelated. Thanks for listening.

cool_chick · 08-06-2006, 11:21 AM

I dunno if there is a "suicide" gene as much as the wish to commit suicide is a symptom of depression.

If depression strikes you, make sure you treat it.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

My guess is no suicide gene, but probably depression. Just be mindful of it, and consider seeing someone regularly to hash things through and help keep you on the right path.

It gets worse. It gets better. It's always changing. I really appreciate (and am also somewhat maddened) by Buddhist thought on topics like these. It's all about expectations and attachment. We grasp so tightly to the "good" things that happen, we become miserable when things don't live up to expectations. So the trick is to let go. Easier said than done though...

speeder · speeder's Garage

Suicide, and depression, definitely run in families.

onlycafe · 08-06-2006, 11:58 AM

i bought a beck spyder 550 . should i be worried?

cool_chick · 08-06-2006, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by nostatic
My guess is no suicide gene, but probably depression. Just be mindful of it, and consider seeing someone regularly to hash things through and help keep you on the right path.

It gets worse. It gets better. It's always changing. I really appreciate (and am also somewhat maddened) by Buddhist thought on topics like these. It's all about expectations and attachment. We grasp so tightly to the "good" things that happen, we become miserable when things don't live up to expectations. So the trick is to let go. Easier said than done though...

Interesting...this is how Buddhism thinks? Very cool.

I've always believed in the thinking: "you can't change other people's (things) actions, you can only change your reaction to them".....which, to me, is kinda going in line with this....

Oh Haha · 08-06-2006, 12:34 PM

Markus,
What a sad tale. I sincerely hope you didn't inherit this. Having gone through mild depression, I can tell you it is difficult to comprehend for some people. My sister's husband shot himself shortly after they were married. He was only 26, handsome, and had a ton of friends. He was a year ahead of me in HS. ALL of the ladies liked Mario. Little did we know that he had demons lurking inside. AS we found out later he had serious issues with his Dad, mostly about living up to his expectations. Noone knew or even had a clue.
My point is that you are in control, Markus. Being a doctor should bring you into contact therapists and psychologists. Please seek someone out if you ever start feeling depressed.
Even though I pretty much have everything I need, including a freakin' 911, I still get down sometimes. I force myself to think back to what my life was like ten years ago. It works for me. YMMV

livi · 08-06-2006, 01:22 PM

Apart from being severely clinically depressed bordering on psychotic, I can´t imagine or comprehend how a person can make the decision of ending her own life. When it comes down to essentials, life to me seems so dear. Isn´t a horrible life at least a tiny bit better than no life at all ? I have met several youngsters in the line of my work during the years, with a clear cut decision of ending their own lives. Some have succeeded. I have spent hours and hours listening, trying to save them with my words. Make them change their minds.

I can´t even begin to imagine how horribly painful, empty and dark they must feel inside to come to such conclusion that death is the only way out.

One teenage girl described the feeling as standing at the window in a burning apartment on the tenth floor. Staying is just too painful.

Oh Haha · 08-06-2006, 02:33 PM

Markus,
The girl's description is pretty accurate. When my first wife filed for divorce, I was devastated. I went to work and did most of the things I always had. One day I just thought it would be better to end it all. I ALMOST drove my vehicle into a bridge.(I didn't have my 911 then and no clue that just a few years down the road I would have one.) The only thing that came to mind was my Mom having to deal with another son gone. My brother was killed in a car crash when he was 17. That was the turning point for me. I went to see my parents and told them what I was REALLY going through. I called a counselor the very next day. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that actually hurt. I am just glad that for some reason I made it through the divorce with nary a scrape. I now have a great wife, two great kids, a job I love, and life is good. Not perfect, mind you, but good all the same. I tell people that I wouldn't change a thing that occurred to me as I may not be where I am now.

livi · 08-06-2006, 02:44 PM

Something comforting reading your story.

Makes me kind of hope there may be a plan for every life. Things happen for a reason. Its always darkest right before dawn, and all that.

Na, now I start to sound religious. Well, at least hopeful.

I wish Todd would elaborate a bit on the "letting go" - part. What ? How ? Kind of **** happens - Never mind ?

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Letting go to the attachment. It is tricky. Some people assume that means you just don't care about things or have any passions. That could not be further from the truth. You can be passionate about things, and care very deeply. But you also need to know that nothing ever stays the same - change is the only constant. Therefore if you attach to something or someone, things will change and you will suffer because you are attached.

Good article here (Pema is amazing):

http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1610&Itemid=247

and an interesting interview with her:

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/160/story_16054_1.html

livi · 08-06-2006, 10:31 PM

Thanks Todd, I understand and I agree.

ewave · 08-06-2006, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by livi
One teenage girl described the feeling as standing at the window in a burning apartment on the tenth floor. Staying is just too painful.

I think that is a perfect description... I know what it's like to be there, and the way I explain it to people who can not comprehend why anyone would try to kill themself:

We watched (or heard) people jumping to thier death from the top of the World Trade Centers, rather then die burning alive. Tragic as this was, this is something that most people can understand. I (and most people I have talked to) do not think these people were crazy for choosing to plummet to their death rather then burn alive.

Emotional pain can be worse than any physical pain. (Think about how it feels to be left by someone you love). If you can understand why someone would chose to jump to their death rather than burn alive, you can understand what is going through the mind of someone contemplating, and following through ending their life. That's what it felt like to me. Now for sure, it is irrational behavior- It's like not realizing that the elevators are working, or the fire department is about to brake through the door to rescue you. It just feel like today's pain is unbearable, and you can only see it getting worse. That's when you give up hope, and see suicide as a good solution.

And Wayne, I have lots of respect for you, but your comment:"People with these problems ask different questions..." is to ME a very false statement. What do you know about what "People with these problems" ask?

Asking yourself how you feel is a good place to start if you are concerned that you might be suicidal. If you feel unhappy, are in pain and think that things are only going to get worse, well then it sounds to me like there's a good chance you are at risks of killing your self.

onewhippedpuppy · 08-07-2006, 04:20 AM

Markus, your fate is in your hands, there is no pre-determined destiny waiting for you thanks to your heritage. I can certainly understand you being bothered, especially considering what you have had to go through recently. Have you taken the time to sit down and talk to someone about everything you have went through, and are still going through? It seems as if one of the biggest reasons people take their own lives is they won't reach out for help, they keep everything inside. Eventually, the burden becomes too big to bear. Just remember, you always have us, the online support group.

Jims5543 · 08-07-2006, 04:52 AM

Its hard for me to get my mind around how someone decides to end theirs. I have never thought it to be an option, mostly because I am too aware of others feelings.

My 2nd in command at my office. He is also my bro in law by marraige and a great guy. The day I hired him on was a turning point for me, I had finally found someone who gave a crap about their job like I do.

When he was 8 years old his father commited suicide. Leaving his mom with 5 children to raise on her own.

His father was a brilliant man, he was a scientist and owned a lab in Arizona. I do not know too many details other than that. It seems he was not very good at math or taxes to be exact. The IRS came down on him like ton of bricks. They raided and seized his business and home on Christmas eve. Kicking the family out onto the street. The moved to a crappy apartment and a few days later his dad put a gun in his mouth and check out.

A lawyer gave the family one of his rental homes to live in while he took their wrongful death case against the IRS pro bono.

I bet you can guess how that turned out. He had to drop the case in a hurry and geve the family money to move to Florida and forget about the whole thing.

2004 and 2005 we were hit by 3 hurricanes. The 2 in 2004 were 20 days apart and really knocked all of us off our feet. I was unsure if I would still be in business and was really really depressed and bummed out. More so because I might have to let 10 employees down, who were all looking to me for some sort of guidence. I was catatonic sitting on a bed in a Howard Johnson motel room while we sat waiting for the second storm to pass evacuated from home. My bro in law was there and he was freaked out by my appearance.

Fast foward 2 years to about 3 months ago and I get a letter from the IRS and a field agent coming to my office poking around while I was out. She even took pictures of everyones cars in the parking lot out front. Very itimidating.

My bro in law had a flashback to his childhood and freaked out. He told me the story about his dad and begged me to be cool and talk to him if things got ugly with the IRS. He was scared we were getting shut down.

It seems there was a mistake on my tax return and after an audit with my CPA I actually got a refund. LOL!!

My bro in law was so scared those couple of weeks he thought I was going to follow his dad.

Markus, being aware of yyour family history is a great first step in identifying a problem.

Go and read the theads on depression on here. They were real eye openers for me and probably saved my wifes life. She is on meds now and mostly because of what I read on here. One members comment on here still rings in my head. He said that after he got on the meds he realized he was broke and now he was fixed. Your a doctor, make sure you get help if you think you might be broke.

Rot 911 · 08-07-2006, 05:11 AM

Markus, I don't know squat about suicidal tendencies, what causes them, how to overcome the. But I do know that never once have I been depressed when having sex. Even with the fat girl when I was in the army. Embarrassed later, but not depressed. That is my advice for today. More sex.

onewhippedpuppy · 08-07-2006, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kurt V
Markus, I don't know squat about suicidal tendencies, what causes them, how to overcome the. But I do know that never once have I been depressed when having sex. Even with the fat girl when I was in the army. Embarrassed later, but not depressed. That is my advice for today. More sex.

Brilliant!!!!! Kurt, you just cured depression! Who needs Prozac, booze and hookers and you're a new man.

1967 R50/2 · 08-07-2006, 07:29 AM

Very sad story.

1. I agree with everyones views on depression...especially in a northern latitude with little light for much of the year and lots of cold....it's easy to become depressed.

2. Sadly I think there is some learning by example here. Having seen his syblings all commit suicide may have lowered your grandfather's aversion to the act. Don't let this happen.

3. Longevity...I can easily see how this leads into depression. My family is very long lived. But as the older generations have aged, and all their friends die one by one, and then their spouse and finally their own body begins to fail...well, it can be very depressing. If your family is close, it makes it much easier. If they are not, it is EXTREMELY difficult.