I say let him be but pay him visits regularly to see how he is doing. Cherish your time with him.

My step dad was the same way, enlisted for Korea when he was 15, retired from the Army after spending 10 years in Vietnam as the XO of Delta.

Hey livi you a good guy, you listen and you take action...I just think don't over complicate..for something so simple really.

Like others have said, you probably won't change him. But why don't you suggest to him that you'd like to do some of these fun-sounding projects with him sometime? Guys like him may be fiercely independent, but they also enjoy good company. Maybe he'll give you a call beforehand, next time.

Moses,

The comments you have gotten re: dropping around from time-to-time when you know he's got some of these projects on the go are, I think, steps in the right direction. Only one trouble: If your Dad is an independent type, (and he sure as heck sounds like it) he will be the sort who likes to think about something for a while, then go and see if what he has thought about will work. If so, then he goes on, alone, knowing this is getting the job done, just as it always has.

If this seems to be the way things are, the only thing I can suggest is getting in on the planning stage. Make yourself aware of his projects, be prepared to sit and chew over the possible ways of tackling a job, then be there when the urge strikes him. It might be impossible, for a while, as many 'independents' do so because they do not wish to share their failures with others. Having someone around while the project is in progress opens them to someone else's pace and possible criticism. You can tell this is going on when you hear him say, "No. I think I'll get around to that next weekend." Then, when you show up 'next weekend', the work is done and he says, "I just had a minute so I thought I'd see if it would come off, (or go on, or work or whatever.)

On one hand, I miss my 'independent father', who passed away 9 years ago, this month. On the other hand, when I get up to my neck in a project which probably would have gone easier with help, (which is available, but I didn't ask for), I can't help but think, "He lives in me."

He has been doing this for almost all of his life. You can offer, but you can't make him take you up on it. You might cramp his style. ;)

Les

Easy....your help = less time to complete project = more time for beer on the porch with son.. and enjoying each others' company...


The fact that it might mean you are around to diminish the potential accidents is merely a bonus...

Moses,

Reading your post made me laugh and sad at the same time as your father is very much like by grandfather was. He's been gone now since 1985 and even though I was still a teenager when he died I still do miss him very much. Moses, What a huge blessing you still have your Dad and he has that fire in him still!

Just keep a watchful eye on your dad and try to understand where he comes from. I wish more people had even 1/10th of his drive and attitude.

Thanks for all your comments.

My dad is definitely "old school". He built the house I was raised in; a beautiful spanish style post adobe. At the time he had never built a house or even helped build a house. He just bought some land and built. When he started the project he was a big man. 6' 3" and 245 pounds. He was working full time as a cop (night shift) so he worked on the house all day and on his days off. He finished the house in less than a year. He lost 65 pounds. According to my mom, he rarely ate or slept during construction. The man is extremely focused and driven, but I think I found a way to get him to work a little "safer".

I have a big. strong 16 year old son that my father loves very much. I told dad that it was a shame that my son will never learn the things that he taught me; mechanics, masonry, plumbing, building. That really hit home with grandpa. My dad has promised to call my son to include him in his projects. We only live 2 blocks away so it's pretty easy. They already have a work day scheduled for Saturday. My son is 6'1" and 190 pounds and he lifts weights daily. He's in for a surprise. Grandpa is still stronger and will work the boy into the ground. :D

Great "solution"! Win-win.

pharking brilliant!!!

Hey, don't mess with Livi or i will hit you with my purse ;)
We Swedes are silent, though guys, just a bit sensitive sometimes :p

Moses, seems like you have a great dad, thanks for sharing!
...and sorry i have not got any great advice how to change (if you should) the old guys born before the WWII, they are just different.
My dad never tells me if he is in pain etc. Usually if i'm around him i can notice that he slightly change behavior (not as talkative etc).
He is in for a surgery where they are going to remove a benign cancer in his inner ear (no hearing on that ear today), quite complicated. Does he want to talk about it? No way :rolleyes:

This statement put a huge smile on my face. Moses, you made my day. I admire your father, David

So this is where you were heading all the time. Then when your son says, Dad why am I doing all these projects around the house instead of partying with my friends, you show him this thread and say "well we're really trying to keep Grandpa safe and occupied...";)

Here's a picture I took of my dad this morning. Hard to get him to stop long enough for a picture. He's still at it. Hard labor all day long. He's 82 years old.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1172358179.jpg

Moses,
Great picture. I was feeling down because it's the 1 year anniversary of my grandfather's death (he was like my father). We really miss him and he was a great man and a fun character. Your father's picture reminds me of Stan in better times, thanks!

Great resolve to your problem Moses!

Or perhaps I should say:

BRILLIANT!
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1172358674.jpg

My mom and dad are in their eighties and still living in the house I grew up in. Dad will still pull out a ladder and work on the roof etc. and mom is having a little trouble getting around. My brother and I are very worried about them so I know how you feel. We want them to be active but we also want them to be safe.

Speaking of old guys, when I work in my dads air condition company he made a deal with an old local doctor who was a Korean war medic to patch us up whenever we got hurt. Some times we would drive half an hour to get ot his office but it was always faster than emergency because he would bypass everyone in the waiting room and see us immediately. He was an old grump but did excellent work and I could tell he happy to see us and get a chance to remember his repair skills. I think it was nice for him get a break from listening to old folks complain about their aches and pains and do some light surgery. Picture two smelly, dirty, construction workers rushing into an old doctors waiting room with blood dripping and wounds wrapped in paper towels and duct tape.

Unfortunatly Dr, Block is no longer with us.

I remeber once I almost cut my thumb off... he took a look at it, pointed to the sink and said "you better wash that, you won't like it if I do"

Moses,

You will never change him and neither should you as this is what "he" is all about...my Dad was the same and I lost him when he was only 71 - bloody unfair!

Getting Grandson and Grandpa together is the most wonderful thing - you'll have to hang on the fringes though. What your son can learn about LIFE from your Dad no-one else can teach him and your father will love spending the time with his grandson.

I watched this happen with Dad and our eldest son who is now 14 (Dad died almost 4 years ago)...we parents took a step back and gave space for a truly beautiful relationship to flourish. This is more important than your Dad having some help to do the things he wants to do. It's the sharing with someone he loves that's important. You've had that with your Dad from the sound of it - and your son will be lucky enough to have that too :) .

Moses,

I just lost my dad (at 78) this December. He was of the same generation as yours. I think that generation of people in the post-depression/WWII era are just absolutely used to a different quality of life. My dad worked his A$$ off his whole life, right until the very end. And he was just as stubborn as yours. It makes us really realize how good we have it in this era.

Damnn Moses...You got me crying my freakin eyes out. Made me think of my dad who was about the same age...and a pain in the butt. He passed away about 10 years ago. What I would not give to have spent more time with him instead of some God-forsaken place the Air Force sent me. Enjoy him while you can. I'm not sure that they are making those any more.

Freakin' Ay, Moses, I hope to look that good when I'm 72. He's going to outlive us all. Look at it from his perspecitve, if the Depression, WWII, raising a family and getting to 82 years old didn't kill him, why should he think the piddly little things you'e complaining about, like sliced fingers, is going to do anything to him?

My Dad and your Dad have a LOT in common. Really close other than he slipped into the Marines at 15. Same bullheaded demeanor. Knows no other way. When he falls out of his chair after drinking too much and sharing war stories my contribution is to put him back in his chair and get him a refill.

Enjoy every minute of it. Last of a great generation.

Well Moses...did the solution of having your son spend time with Pops come outa the blue or were you pondering it for awhile?

Your orginal post never intimated anything about your son as being part of the solution. If I recall you were trying to figure out a way to get the old man to listen to your concerns and how to approach him.

Your orginal dilemma is still not resolved, is it?

No, the problem is not solved. Likely it will never be. My son helps my dad when he asks, but dad won't ask when there is "serious" work to do. I'll never change him. He's who he is.

Here's a pic of dad as a rookie on the Oakland Police Force after WWII.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1172395745.jpg

Your a grown man Moses (mature) who loves his Father and cares very deeply for him as his son. Your dilemma is that U need for him to stop and listen to you and your care, to have a dialog. This isn't so much about changing behavior, this is really evident because you came up with a workable solution to your surface dilemma without any help from the Board, so the issue runs deeper than the stated dilemma.

From the new picture, I think that he is REALLY proud of his son, that he brightens his day,,,but won't let on...and he feels that if he ever stops moving the pain he carrys will catch up to him. Its all in the smile and squint.