Friends story agrees with sons.

It seems the students are uprising on the teachers and they are all lying.

My son has no reason to lie. He does not get in heaps of trouble over an F he gets help from us to get a better grade, an F on a interim report means he has a chance to get a good grade so we dig in and get it done.

He has no motivation to make any of this up at all it does not make any sense.

I just talked to him the the GC forced him to admit he was a liar. He never gave him an option just kept telling him he was a liar and he better admit it. She would not let up until he admitted it. I have no reason to think he is lying to me.

Beside he is now pulled from the school and heading to private school, he has no reason to lie if he was lying he could come clean and he says he is not lying. I believe him.


These people are discusting.

Jim,

Keep a clear head on all this stuff.

I agree that contacting the classmates’ parents is probably the next step.

One thing about CYA and cover-up is they only dig themselves a deeper hole. Ask several Presidents.


Bob is right on. This is exactly what got me volunteering in school in the first place. My oldest son’s IEP (Individual Education Plan) called for him to attend a Special Education language class every day. The rotating schedule took him out of the regular classroom each day. One day he would miss regular math, the next days social studies, science and English on a four-day rotation.

Even the brightest and most motivated 5th grade student can’t keep up missing 25% of the course work. While the Special Ed class was necessary and worked great, the system was designed to fail.

The classroom teacher was at his limit providing the normal teaching function. He wasn’t able to provide any “keep-up” help. In fact he couldn’t tell me exactly what was the course work for the next week.

My solution was to become an almost full time aid in the classroom. This allowed me to see first hand the daily work. From this I could do “homework” for the missing class work. In fact We were able to do enough “work ahead” on every subject that he was somewhat of an “expert” in every little detail as each new subject was presented. This did wonders for his self-esteem and provided immediate feedback reward for the considerable effort.

For the first time in his life he was a success in school. Not only that, he was inspired to work even harder. By the beginning of October he was called into the principal’s office with me and the teacher. He was promoted from the “slow” math group to the “normal’ math group. You never saw a kid stand so tall.

Three of his buddies were in the “fast” math group. He decided to do their homework in addition to his own. By Thanksgiving he was promoted again.

The entire class and the teacher benefited also as I took over teaching the science program.

By the end of fifth grade he was on-track with everything except language skills, reading and writing. I understood the necessity of being really involved and the (legal) power of the IEP.

Here was a kid who had attended eleven schools through the fourth grade, in attendance less than 20%. Identified Special Ed in kindergarten and detained. A blank piece of paper at ten. He went on to graduate from HS with honors, had two summers in the High School Honors Engineering program (6-week live in) at University of Colorado Boulder and was accepted in Chemical Engineering. He attended the summer Minority (he is half Native American) Engineering program. He was too intimidated to go (much to my distress) but went to community college and is now a $70k/yr software designer.

A remarkable success story.


Jim, keep in mind that private schools are not required to develop an IEP and don’t have to comply with federal law. A private school can decide what to offer and how to do it. You can decide to attend or not. I think some of what you are seeing in this public school is serious CYA because there is serious public law in effect.

Please don’t walk away from it. Even if you feel it necessary to have him attend private school, keep an open mind about him attending public high school. Once I learned how the system works, my son got the services he needed. He had a great school experience.

Best,
Grady

Not a Dad myself,
Jim/Grady, and some of the others have shown me that there are real parents left. While it would be so easy to go with the flow,
you choose to stand...and your children will remember, and in some future battle will stand next to someone, while others shirk.
Jim , someday over a glass of good scotch you and he will talk of this
and he will say..THANKS DAD for believing me, and you will say
'you know I almost killed that Bi#ch, cheers

Rika

Jim,
It just gets stranger and stranger. If the kids are backing up your son's story I would bet that his version is closer to the truth. Given the response that you are getting from the school, they are in major CYA mode. Even if your son made the story up, it strikes me as very odd that the GC would make him write a formal appology. Why would this be necessary? Who else did the GC talk to besides the teacher? Probably nobody.

I am glad you are pulling your kid out of the school. There is something very wrong with this story. It wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on your sone just in case there is some tine bit of truth to the school's story (which I doubt).

As Grady noted, it's a different set of rules. In some ways this works for you, but in other ways it works against you. Remember what I said about "shopping elsewhere"? You have found that you can. And it is that premise that will make or break any leverage you have at a private school. Hopefully you won't need that leverage and everything will be wonderful. Unfortunately, you have given up the laws that a public school must follow. Again-hopefully you have already solved the problem.

Regarding lying- It sounds as if you are simply going by your sons track record of honesty. That's solid. My daughter was accused of lying about an issue at school once. Oddly enough that too, came from her guidace counselor. I immediately went in and met with that gc, the principle, and my daughter. The principle and gc said that my daughter had lied to me and would be held accountable. I explained to them that if we were talking about someone with a track record of lying I would believe them. However, they all acknowledged that my daughter has a history of being well liked, respected, and an excellent student. To lie now would be out of character. Especially since the repercussions were not severe. There was no incentive to lie. By the end of the meeting they were apologizing to me and my daughter and we all shook hands.


The moral-stand by your son. He needs to know that you back him. This advice is based on an apparent track record of honesty as stated by you. Also, witness corroboration strengthens his case. No kid is going to lie to an authority figure if it's not his bacon on the line. In short-the teacher and gc are lying. Not unusual. Remember-some people (NOT ALL!) do this for a living because they can't deal with the adult intellect. They lord over the children to feed their egos and bolster their poor self-esteem. When an adult calls them on it, they go into super-defense and start yelling "liar". It's ironic that they should choose such a child like response. Yes-those people are disgusting.

I wish you luck. If you choose to go back to public feel free to e-mail me for info about getting the ball rolling on special help and IEPs. It really does make a difference.

Just a suggestion (it is what I do with my kids) ...

Find out which teacher teaches the other teacher's kids and get your child in that classroom.

Amusing thought...

Everyone else's kids are capable of lying, but mine never do.

Ever consider that a child tells you what you want to hear? It is called "pain avoidence". Many parents (me included when my little angels were young) make fools of themselves by defending the kid no matter what, only to find out later the kid actually WAS lying to avoid punishment.

Rika (Pelican Rikao4),

Thank you. “…shown me that there are real parents left.” is the best compliment I have had.

Parenting is perhaps the greatest responsibility in life. In spite of whatever difficulty, it is also one of the most rewarding. To bring a child into this world or accept responsibility for one isn’t a responsibility you can ever shed. It is a life-long commitment. Check here.

I encourage all our young members to become a Big Brother or similar. If you have the capability and commitment, become a foster parent. Adoption can be a viable alternative to having “natural” children.

Our collective legacy is having future generations who are all the right things and who will bring up the next generations even better. It is up to us right here and right now.

Best,
Grady

If there was a motive I would agree 100%. He came home last year during the 1st week of school and told us his Social Studies teacher (Retired Marine and very strict I liked him a lot) got 1 inch from his face because he was not paying attention and yelled at him like a drill sergeant, you pay attention or we will have a VERY long year together.

I laughed at my son and told him "Good for the teacher" I even thanked the teacher at open house.

That same 1st week another teacher told him he was "pathetic" because he didn't answer a question about him summer break or something like that it was a long time ago. That one had me in the school talking to her, she at first lied and said she never said it, then stopped and thought for a minute, then apologized to us and to my son in class for her harsh out of line choice of words. End of story. Him and that teacher got along perfectly after that and he was an A student in her class, he loves reading.

This pile on the 13 y/o mentality of these teachers is beyond pathetic and bordering on unethical.

If I thought for a minute he was lying I would have backed down right away.

I had a heart to heart with him this evening and told him to please tell me the total truth and if he had not been truthful up to this point I will not be mad at all, just don't let me pursue this when its not true. He had total amnesty if he wanted to change his sotry and tell us he lied. He told us the truth. I never really doubted it but there is a 1st time for everything. Like I said he was never in trouble for his F's he knows at that point we need to go into crisis mode and work our butts off to make it better.

Just for the record he was not doing well in Math either and the teacher had a kind hearted discussion with him about how they could raise his grade.

The Language Art teacher never discussed this beyond informing him he was not allowed to go on the trip.

You tell me who the teacher that wants their students to succeed is.

Jim - this just hits too close to home for me. We had a terrible, awful experience a couple of years ago with my son and a new high school. You have my empathy and respect. PM me if you want another shoulder to share a perspective with.

A few weeks into this school year my step daughter had a home work assigmnet that we all had trouble with. I told her that when I dropped her off at school early the next day she was to go to the teacher and ask for help. It was not done but I figured the teacher would help her and she would get some credit. Well a few days go by and I sak how it turned out. She said the teacher refused help and she got no crdit. Well knowing open house was the next week I figured I would talk to the teacher. My step daughter is not one to lie but she is now 12 and has changed into a teenager.
So the night of openhosue comes. I have to wait till the very end to see this teacher. I start with trhe Boy your homework is hard. She ask wich one. I tell her the story about trying to help and telling her to see her in the am. She informs me that princess never went. I thank her for her time. Got home and asked for her side. She got the teenage think going. Well the next few days where rather boring for her. When report cards came out the grades where not what the are to be. No cell phone.

Moral to the story. Always ask questions before going and choking teacher. Kids change. Jim I know you can always when your kid is up to something. Ican tell when my are before they do it. And just wait till he hits THAT AGE. If anyone ever denies my children the right to talk to me I will call the police and press charges for unlawful custidy of a child. Ask the principal about that with the guindence counsler.

Steve, go back and re-read. I dont know what to say without sounding like a broken record.

I decided to move on with my life and put this behind me. There is no dealing with these people and their CYA mentality.

I wrote the School Board Superintendent.

2 more Parts:

Jim, I think your handling this situation well, I would have come unhinged if anyone told my child that they couldn't call me. That would be my biggest issue. I pity any teacher that wrongs my son in the future, my wife is a unyielding pitbull especially when our son is concerned.

Great letter, you stuck to facts and laid them out very clearly.

Not sure of the law in the US, but you may want to pull names from your posting here, just to CYA. Stick with "Mr Roger's Neighborhood" as you had done previously.

Too bad I suck at spelling. I am more of a math type not spelling. Don pointed out I have Principle wrong Principal would be right. Oh well. I am the result of a public school system what do you expect?

well go in front of the class and say your sorry..
no soup for you, I guess..
Jim your a great DAD
Rika

Great letter.

Such behavior from a teacher is unacceptable. My wifewould have been down there right after school looking for the principal. And then I would have picked up just like you did. Great job. Once it went beyond the teacher and the CYA continued with the GC, then you know the school is not being run correctly. The GC was way out of line on this.